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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a party a week or so after neighbour has a baby

117 replies

kitsilano · 08/05/2013 10:40

We are planning to have a party for around 30 - 35 friends in a couple of weeks. Saturday night.

Neighbour (in semi-detached house) is due to give birth imminently (first baby) and I am becoming increasingly anxious that they will be really annoyed about the party, having just given birth and being exhausted etc and that it may cause major problems - and I can empathise with that.

Both of us have done building work in the last couple of years (them ongoing) so we've had to put up with a fair amount of noise from each other without major issues.

But we don't get on with them massively well (they were very annoyed about us building an extension and did everything they could to prevent it - before then doing the same and more themselves...). I always try to be cooperative and pleasant and certainly don't want to be in conflict with them.

This will be the first time we've had a party in the evening in the 5 years we have lived in the house.

How do you think I should handle it?

OP posts:

msrisotto · 08/05/2013 10:42

Well it's your house! As long as you are not behaving unreasonably it is fair enough. It is reasonable to have a gathering in your own house on a weekend as long as music isn't too loud.

squeakytoy · 08/05/2013 10:42

Just have your party but let them know beforehand that you are having it, simply out of politeness.

UnChartered · 08/05/2013 10:42

i think you should invite them as an opening line, then go from there

could be the way to rekindle a nicer relationship?

SirBoobAlot · 08/05/2013 10:43

I think you should tell them in advance, and make sure it doesn't get too loud or so on too late. Especially if things are already difficult between the two of you, don't damage it any further.

maddening · 08/05/2013 10:50

As long as you maintain the noise to a reasonable level and turn the music right down at 11pm then you shouldn't have a problem.

Keep the noise to the far side of the house from them. Windows and doors shut and keep an eye on people when they are outside. Let the neighbours know you will be having a party and ensure they have your number so they can contact you if it is too loud.

twooter · 08/05/2013 10:55

Is there a special reason for the party, and why it has to be now?

IfNotNowThenWhen · 08/05/2013 10:58

God, I wouldn't. Seems a bit mean. Have the party somewhere else. Hire a room in a pub.

DoctorRobert · 08/05/2013 10:59

if you knew when their baby was due, why have you arranged your first party in 5 years to coincide?

jacks365 · 08/05/2013 11:00

With a week old baby i wouldn't have noticed a party next door. I was too exhausted to do anything other than sleep and feed, nothing would have kept me awake. Its unlikely to disturb a baby that young either.

Enjoy your party just don't let it get out of hand.

TigOldBitties · 08/05/2013 11:01

I would, its part and parcel of living next to people that sometimes they have parties.

I'd pre-warn them and possibly mention they are welcome to come, although not with the baby.

Branleuse · 08/05/2013 11:01

they might be annoyed but unless its some full scale acid techno event that goes on till the early hours, then theyll just have to suck it up. Give them warning and make sure you keep the noise down after 11ish

PickledLiver · 08/05/2013 11:02

YANBU. Your house. Just be polite and keep the noise down after 10pm. I would not invite them seeing as you don't get on. There's no need to inform them really, either.

Katienana · 08/05/2013 11:03

It won't disturb baby but it might ruin a chance at sleep for the mum. I would have party elsewhere then you don't have to worry about it. Treat others how you would like to be treated!

Original poster

kitsilano · 08/05/2013 11:03

It's my husbands 40th that weekend. To be honest we don't see them very often and I had lost track of exactly when she was due. Only properly realised the significance when I bumped into her yesterday.

OP posts:

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/05/2013 11:03

I wouldn't, personally. The first night I brought DD home neighbours on both sides of us BOTH had noisy parties despite knowing we'd just got home. Being at home with a newborn is stressful enough.

What's the occasion? Would hiring a place or going into town be better for the neighbourly relationship?

Patchouli · 08/05/2013 11:04

Well they're probably not going to like it.
But then you might not like hearing their baby crying late at nights.
Just one of those things.

How late is it likely to go?

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/05/2013 11:04

X-post. I still wouldn't, to be honest. Agree with Katienana - treat others how you would like to be treated.

Not telling them at all would be out of order in my view.

PickledLiver · 08/05/2013 11:07

Do not hire a place out for it. It's your home. Are they going to move out every time the baby has a screaming fit? Let them know if you want to but they cannot rearrange/cancel your birthday parties because they have a child now, they have to deal with it.

EasterHoliday · 08/05/2013 11:10

well it's very nice of you to be so considerate. Our neighbours threw a party for about 100 in the garden when we had a 3 month old, letting us know the day before with the charming line "we're having a party and it will go on late so if it's too noisy for you at 4am, come and join in". Lo and behold, there was a sound system pumping rave music across teh valley until 8am. Neighbours from miles around were coming to the gates to find out wtf was going on, one woman was in tears. The dog opposite was going demented.
So my view is that you give advance warning, say it's a 40th & they're very welcome to come alogn, don't hire a sound system, and take it indoors at 10. Do you have a room that's useable for guests which isn't adjacent to their wall?

with a first baby, she'll quite possibly be late anyway... and like Patchouli said - they'll be keepign you awake a fair bit soon too.

pictish · 08/05/2013 11:13

Seems mean...hire a room in a pub??

Pfffft....

Just make sure no one gets too rowdy OP. It's your home and you can have a party if you like.

AmberLeaf · 08/05/2013 11:16

YANBU, they will probably be up all night anyway!

As long as you don't have a loud sound system then IMO it isn't unreasonable.

I would tell them now and offer an invite, but wouldn't expect them to come so soon after the birth anyway.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 08/05/2013 11:17

It depends on the party. Sound systems in gardens are always a bit obnoxious...... Unless you are very detached.

I would tell her that you will turn off any music by 11 and have everything indoors from then on...... And then make sure you do it. Anything later would be inconsiderate and selfish.

Start the party an hour or so earlier.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 08/05/2013 11:18

All those saying "her home" well, yeah, but if what you do in your home seriously affects someone in another home, then you should consider them.
I would at least speak to her about it.

randgirl · 08/05/2013 11:18

Put a note saying your having a party for dh birthday and if she is feeling up to it to pop over and join in?

Funnily enough we had dhs 45th party when our neighbour dd was about 2-3 months old. We did let them know and we turned down the music about 11pm. We arent in a semi-detached though and the party was outside. Its never been an issue since. They didnt come but we did invite them..

squeakytoy · 08/05/2013 11:20

I wouldnt have thought a 40th party was going to be on the same sort of scale as an 18th or 21st where it is almost guaranteed that there will be a lot of teenage screeching, throwing up in flowerbeds, and general rowdiness.

OP has no obligation to arrange her social life around her neighbours baby.

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