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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a party a week or so after neighbour has a baby

117 replies

kitsilano · 08/05/2013 10:40

We are planning to have a party for around 30 - 35 friends in a couple of weeks. Saturday night.

Neighbour (in semi-detached house) is due to give birth imminently (first baby) and I am becoming increasingly anxious that they will be really annoyed about the party, having just given birth and being exhausted etc and that it may cause major problems - and I can empathise with that.

Both of us have done building work in the last couple of years (them ongoing) so we've had to put up with a fair amount of noise from each other without major issues.

But we don't get on with them massively well (they were very annoyed about us building an extension and did everything they could to prevent it - before then doing the same and more themselves...). I always try to be cooperative and pleasant and certainly don't want to be in conflict with them.

This will be the first time we've had a party in the evening in the 5 years we have lived in the house.

How do you think I should handle it?

OP posts:

Quangle · 10/05/2013 20:12

I think you sound very fair and thoughtful. Inside after 11 and music under control sounds reasonable. Have fun. Agree with suggestions re bringing round a meal etc. those early days are hideous but just as likely to be hideous at 10 am as 11pm tbh so a party like the one you are describing would have been fine for me when I was at that stage. Crying all day anyway so wouldn't even have noticed a party! I def wasn't asleep then either - more pacing and worrying about bf!

Original poster

kitsilano · 11/05/2013 09:23

I've been thinking about all the different responses and opinions. I've now looked into our local hall (although we live in London it is a "villagy" bit so does have one.) It is £350 on a Sat night - as well as being dark and not very nice. Our house has plenty of space, new big extension, lovely garden (and is free). I don't think there is anyway I am going to be able to persuade my husband to do the hall thing...

Looked at rooms in pubs too - but there's no way we could pay for everything as planned as you are paying pub prices for food and drinks.

Still thinking...but definitely taking on board the advice I am being given in terms of how to handle it so thank you all.

OP posts:

eccentrica · 11/05/2013 09:36

Yanbu. It's only one night. It's persistent noise that destroys your wellbeing.

marjproops · 11/05/2013 18:28

well done OP btw for being diplomatic. Im against the house party but at least you're thinking about it so kudos for you .

try looking into a a church hall, theyre usually cheaper?

IfNotNowThenWhen · 11/05/2013 18:50

I love parties! But when I had a newborn I lived next to a house of Crazy Italians. They were always bringing all their mates home from the pub at midnight. They had a piano. I had insommnia anyway with baby ds, so it nearly sent me proper off my rocker.
Now, if someone says "party" and "newborn" in the same sentence I say "run for the hills!".

Also, I reckon OP's neighbour only got the extension after OP's mahoosive extension blocked out all their light.

FoodieToo · 11/05/2013 19:10

You are very considerate. If I were you I wouldn't dream of hiring somewhere.

We live beside a nutter who wants our five young kids to keep quiet during the day. Is vicious about them playing in the garden or practising their instruments.

You sound very nice. Please come and live beside me lol!

likesnowflakesinanocean · 11/05/2013 19:30

I wouldn't consider changing it, obviously don't play blaring music at 3am or have folk shacked up screaming on the lawn but otherwise its your house as long as your respectful its a one off.

WhizzforAtomms · 11/05/2013 20:12

Babies don't come on time, especially first babies.

As a poster said upthread, they may be away at relatives, up all night anyway with a screaming newborn, so exhausted that they sleep through anything, in hospital giving birth, or a million other things...

How would you feel if you chucked loads of money at hiring somewhere and then they weren't even at home?

Send over an invite now, say it is a special occasion as DH's 40th, about taking it inside at 11 and turning the music down, and that is plenty considerate enough.

When you have young children you have a routine and want to get them off to bed by a certain time, but newborn schedule is all over the place - who knows when baby or mum will be sleeping.

I like the idea of sending round a plate of food early on too, really thoughtful and they won't be able to sit there grumbling about you while enjoying it!

maddening · 11/05/2013 21:54

Wonder if there'll be a few new mums in semi detached houses where both sides have had an extension waiting to see if there is a party and they are the neighbours

Original poster

kitsilano · 11/05/2013 22:33

LOL maddening - really hoping not to be identified!

OP posts:

Pinkflipflop · 11/05/2013 22:50

YABU

You haven't had a party in five years and yet you are having one now when your neighbour will have a one week old baby?

Bad form.

Bogeyface · 12/05/2013 09:54

No Pink they havent had a party in 5 years and are having one now, in the week her husband turns 40.

You make it sound like that picked the date deliberately, it isnt their fault when his birthday is, and if not that week then when? When the baby is 3 months and settling in the evening? 6 months and sleeping through?

theidsalright · 12/05/2013 10:27

Op, you sound very considerate but I lean towards the have it somewhere else. That would be the MOST considerate thing. Yes yes to turn the music down at 11. Our neighbours do this and then the noise of thirty or so drunk people talking/laughing/screeching drives us bananas into the wee hours.

If your relationship with the neighbours is already strained, I don't think this will help. Just sayin, from having been on the other side of the wall so to speak...

Yes, it is your home, but the nature of shared walls is that it's not all about you..(meant in the kindest way)

quesadilla · 12/05/2013 10:28

I think it's fine as long as you give them at least a week's heads-up and then make clear to your guests that they have to keep noise levels down.

motherinferior · 12/05/2013 10:30

O come on, keep noise levels down? Maybe after 11, but otherwise just enjoy yourselves!

It's a birthday. A big one. Dance on tables and have a good time

Purple2012 · 12/05/2013 11:14

Have your party. It's your home, you are entitled to invite who you want into it. It's a one off occasion. So, I would let them know you are having a party, tell them you will keep the noise down and for them to let you know if it's a problem after 11 pm.

There's no way you should hold it elsewhere. It's good to be considerate but I wouldn't be bothered by a one off party keeping me awake.

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 11:21

Ask the neighbour what she regards as acceptable. Let her know she can call you if she's disturbed.

If she doesn't want the party then I think YABVU to have loud music or other noise after 10pm Yes it is your home. However, her home is hers and she's entitled to peace and quiet in it.

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