To have a party a week or so after neighbour has a baby

[kitsilano]

We are planning to have a party for around 30 - 35 friends in a couple of weeks. Saturday night.

Neighbour (in semi-detached house) is due to give birth imminently (first baby) and I am becoming increasingly anxious that they will be really annoyed about the party, having just given birth and being exhausted etc and that it may cause major problems - and I can empathise with that.

Both of us have done building work in the last couple of years (them ongoing) so we've had to put up with a fair amount of noise from each other without major issues.

But we don't get on with them massively well (they were very annoyed about us building an extension and did everything they could to prevent it - before then doing the same and more themselves...). I always try to be cooperative and pleasant and certainly don't want to be in conflict with them.

This will be the first time we've had a party in the evening in the 5 years we have lived in the house.

How do you think I should handle it?

[kitsilano]

DiscoDonkey

If we got on well with them (as we do with our other neighbours who are coming to the party) I think it would go like this:

We'd invite them, they'd come for a bit, we'd all coo over the baby. We'd say come and knock on the door if it's too loud after you've gone home. They'd also feel well-disposed towards us and so be less likely to get outraged on principle.

[EuroShaggleton]

I think it's fine to go ahead. It's your home, after all. The baby might be waking you up for many more nights if your walls are as thin as ours! I'd just pop a note through the door along the lines of "We just wanted to let you know that on [date] we will be celebrating my husband's 40th with a gathering for some friends at our house. We intend to start to quieten things down from 11pm, but if the noise is too much, please pop round or give us a call on [...]. Good luck with/congratulations on your new arrival!" If you were to include a bottle of cava or something with it I bet you wouldn't hear a peep from them. People tend to be a lot more tolerant of people who are kind to them!

[DiscoDonkey]

In that case, send lovely card and flowers on baby's arrival, invite them round to show off their newborn, coo adoringly and tell them to please let you know if the noise is bothering them and reassure them that it won't be going on til 4 am.

[maddening]

That's true sqoosh but it goes both ways doesn't it - you can't have silence nor can you expect to make and whatever noise you want. It's all down to being reasonable on both sides.

[squoosh]

I think having a party in your house at which the music will be turned down at 11pm is reasonable.

I think most people would find that to be reasonable.

[DinoSnores]

I've had 2 newborns, the latest 11 weeks ago. It wouldn't bother me, as long as the noise was down by 10-11pm. I'm with euro and disco on this.

[marjproops]

Hire a hall. people shouldnt have loud parties at any time in houses unless you live in a detatched in the middle of a field.

its not fair on neighbours, warning or no warning. and even if you turned music off at 11 therell still be clinking glasses and loud voices.

or cant you have it during day instead? a bbq one from lunchtime till early evening if that.

[MaxPepsi]

Have it.

Ask them to come.

Enjoy yourselves.

[dexter73]

Marj - if you aren't going to allow loud parties in the evening then you shouldn't really have a party during the day either though because that wouldn't be fair on people who worked shifts and were trying to sleep.

[Shiraztastic]

No idea how to handle the pary, but do take them a meal that's easy to reheat when their baby's about a week old, and maybe a cake too. Make sure you drop in a card when it arrives as well.

Simple things, but all worth it in the name of smoothing relations. People remember simple kindnesses at important life stages .

[marjproops]

agree with you dexter re- shiftworkers too, and babies too, just seems a bit more diplomatic rather than at night? (trying to compromise here, i HATE any party stuff at any time, the loudness and shouting etc) im not a grouch, just that DC and I are so sensitive to noise, especially DC with her autism. and no one hears her screams , their ''music'' and stuff is THAT loud.

[iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii]

Keeping things indoors and 'quieter' from 11 sounds reasonable. Just make sure you stick to it. I suggested starting the party a little earlier than usual. I have done this and it worked a treat.

[mytitsareonfire]

Our neighbours went away when DD was 2 weeks old and left their 17 year old son at home. They were very lovely and said if there was any bother just to knock on the door and let him know.

Come the evening their horrid son played dubstep ridiculously loudly until 4am. We hammered at the door, no answer. I sat up crying my eyes out until the music stopped. I was so exhausted trying to establish BF and just couldn't believe that someone could be so selfish (I was very hormonal and sleep deprived!).

Personally I wouldn't do it because of the above experience, but then again you're not a self absorbed teenager.

[Nanny0gg]

Having read your other posts, I think you should go ahead. It's one night, you'll be as thoughtful as possible and it's a special occasion.

Warn them, send round a plate of party food and enjoy!

[rubyflipper]

Have the party! It's your home and it's just one night.

Just give them a bit of warning and leave it at that.

[Potterer]

Our neighbours threw a 30th birthday party when ds1 was about 3 weeks old. They sang loudly along to 80's songs. Ds1 slept through it, Dh and I did too purely because we were exhausted but not before laughing our heads off at fudged words or completely forgetting the lyrics

They did tell us in advance so we knew, and yes it did go on till around 3am.

Your party is one night, not every weekend. They chose to have a baby.

I dreaded bonfire night with loud bangs, whistles and screeches. It's all part of life. Babies sleep in the day and you can't expect people to tiptoe around someone who has a newborn.

Have your party just tell them in advance. I am sure they will be pissed off but then they will no doubt have a baby that cries in the middle of the night. And let's face it, judging by the number of people on MN on the sleep section, that doesn't necessarily stop for quite some time.

[Viviennemary]

It might be better if you put the party off for a few weeks longer. And it is usually normal to invite neighbours if you think the party might be a bit noisy even if you don't really want or expect them to come.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Have the party, you are doing nothing wrong. It would be polite to let them know, but if they complain then they are being unreasonable, not you.

[Scholes34]

The teenage children of neighbours had a mad party, late into the night with kids throwing up in the street and basically making lots of noise. No neighbours invited (parents were away). Everyone in the street was woken up, except the immediate neighbours, who had a three week old. All of them slept through it.

[QueenStromba]

If I were you I'd be too exhausted by being the bigger person when they did their extension to give a crap about what they think now.

I'm saying this as someone who never vacuumed or put on washing in the evening in my old flat because the downstairs neighbours had a baby who went to bed at 7pm. If they were dicks I probably wouldn't have bothered.

[Coffeeformeplease]

I think it's ott to hire a hall.

She could have her baby 2 weeks late (my first one was), they could be away to visit relatives, they could be up with a screaming baby all night and and and.

I would have the party, it's not just a random occasion, it's a big birthday.

Tell her in advance (or even invite them), and have fun at the party!!

[motherinferior]

It's my 50th- birthday in a few weeks' time and I'm afraid nothing is going to stop me having a party. Tell her nicely and then enjoy yourselves!

[thermalsinapril]

I think the music can be the sound that "carries" the most, especially the bass line. So it would be considerate to keep that to a reasonable level. But it doesn't sound like you're planning a rowdy evening with lots of shouting etc. like the lads parties I have lived next door to!

[redexpat]

Invite the neighbours to the party!

[DeweyDecibelle]

Oh for god's sake, I can't believe there are people on here going "they chose to have a baby" or "the baby will be keeping you awake shortly, tit for tat" - have some compassion! My baby is 5 months, but if my neighbours had had a party when she was just new I would have cried. Your neighbour will be sore, shellshocked, tired and emotional. I think it's cruel and I wouldn't do it if I were you. Put yourself in her shoes, what would you honestly think about yourself? Fair enough after a month or so, it is your home and you should be allowed to have parties (although I'd still tread carefully), but I'd show some consideration here.

At the very least talk to her and ensure she feels like she can approach you if the noise gets too much.