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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a party a week or so after neighbour has a baby

117 replies

kitsilano · 08/05/2013 10:40

We are planning to have a party for around 30 - 35 friends in a couple of weeks. Saturday night.

Neighbour (in semi-detached house) is due to give birth imminently (first baby) and I am becoming increasingly anxious that they will be really annoyed about the party, having just given birth and being exhausted etc and that it may cause major problems - and I can empathise with that.

Both of us have done building work in the last couple of years (them ongoing) so we've had to put up with a fair amount of noise from each other without major issues.

But we don't get on with them massively well (they were very annoyed about us building an extension and did everything they could to prevent it - before then doing the same and more themselves...). I always try to be cooperative and pleasant and certainly don't want to be in conflict with them.

This will be the first time we've had a party in the evening in the 5 years we have lived in the house.

How do you think I should handle it?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 08/05/2013 11:22

My 40th is in three weeks and I am having a party at our local pub. You get the room hire free if more than 30 people go, so they make their money on the increased bar take, and I am doing the food. Is that a possibility.

You can control the music etc but you cant control people who have had too much to drink, or are in the garden for a fag talking and singing at the tops of their voices!

DaveMccave · 08/05/2013 11:24

It's your home but I would be worried to. I would let them know now, if she knows you are worried about disturbing her she will probably be a lot more tolerant. And most importantly, if she is exhausted the day before the party she can make arrangements to stay at a relatives or friends on party night or sleep more in the day. Not telling her would just be awful.

pumpkinsweetie · 08/05/2013 11:25

Yanbu and its rather thoughtful of you to think of your neighbour. Chances are, she will be up with new baby anyway and as you don't make a habit of parties at your home i wouldn't worry too much, just let her know beforehand.

Taffeta · 08/05/2013 11:29

Let her know ASAP so she can make arrangements to be elsewhere if it really bothers her. But that's it, I def wld not have it elsewhere, you harly ever do it, its a special event etc.

Callisto · 08/05/2013 11:30

I would and I would invite them and the new baby. It wouldn't even cross my mind to not have a party because some random has just had a baby. Though my parties are not loud and raucous ones that upset whole neighbourhoods.

iclaudius · 08/05/2013 11:32

Personally I'd have cried - a lot but maybe I'm a wuss . I wouldn't do it I'd wait

Nanny0gg · 08/05/2013 12:02

It's your home but I would be worried to. I would let them know now, if she knows you are worried about disturbing her she will probably be a lot more tolerant. And most importantly, if she is exhausted the day before the party she can make arrangements to stay at a relatives or friends on party night or sleep more in the day. Not telling her would just be awful.
Sleep in more during the day? Stay at a relatives? Hahahahaha.
Sorry, but have you ever had a newborn?

I think the OP is in a tricky situation and is being considerate to even pose the question.
I don't think it's unreasonable to have the party, but I agree, warn the neighbours and be thoughtful about the noise and finish time.

Taffeta · 08/05/2013 12:23

Don't get what the problem is staying with relatives with a newborn for a night. And yes have had 2. Confused

Fourkisses · 08/05/2013 12:31

It's your home and your husband's 40th. Of course yanbu to have a party. Invite the neighbours well in advance so they are forewarned (highly unlikely to come if they have a newborn and you don't really get on anyway) & can make alternative arrangements of they want. Tell them you will turn the music off at midnight & stick to it.
Hope the party goes well Smile

sammysaidso · 08/05/2013 12:39

The world can't stop just because someone has had a baby.
Enjoy your party.

JerseySpud · 08/05/2013 13:07

YABU. It would be horrible with a newborn, people talking outside, music, shouting.

squoosh · 08/05/2013 13:12

YANBU.

It's your home and it's your husband's 40th, go for it. The family with the baby need to adjust to the world around them, not the other way.

It's a good idea to let them know though.

Bunraku · 08/05/2013 13:38

Yanbu as long as it stays under control. The only thing that bothers me is when it starts spilling onto the street and people are rowdy though it's mainly sports,18ths and 21sts that are culprits for this.

TippiShagpile · 08/05/2013 13:43

As others have said, how about having it in a local pub or a hall nearby? That way you don't upset your neighbours (anything would have set me off in the first few days/weeks after I'd given birth). Remember those times when your baby took hours to go to sleep and how stressed you'd be if a party kept the baby awake? I don't think it's worth the aggro.

The added bonus is your house doesn't get messed. Smile

Grammaticus · 08/05/2013 13:47

Yes - warn them, tell them music off at midnight and stick to it. If she goes overdue she might still be in hospital anyway.

CoffeeShoppe · 08/05/2013 13:47

have the party, in your own home. It is your home. They decided to have a baby, not you. You cant organise your life around someone who has had a baby. Give them notice, they can go out. A newborn can go anywhere til anytime of the day or night, so if they dont like it, they can go out.We used to take dd out at all times of the day and night . Even a walk on the beach at 4am. Dont let them spoil your party. It is a one off. You will have to listen to their baby scream for years to come!!

Have fun at your party.

KitchenandJumble · 08/05/2013 13:51

YANBU. Presumably it will be a normal party for adults, not a wild free-for-all that goes on all night. Tell your neighbours in advance (or invite them to join in), turn the music down at a decent hour, and enjoy.

Original poster
kitsilano · 08/05/2013 14:28

Hmm - quite polarised opinions! I can see both sides. The reason we want to do it at home is because we want to provide all food and drink for our friends - affordable at home but gets pricey in pub/hired room.

It won't be mega late, no sound system and we are grown ups not teenagers. But there will be some music and obviously people will be drinking (though we definitely aren't shouting in the street types!) I already said to my DH we should make sure everyone's inside and the music turned down by 11.00. But the houses are semi-detached so I'm sure they'll still be able to hear something.

But then again I know how stressful and knackering it can be with a new baby and I'm generally a do as you would be done by person.

Also my feelings are complicated by how miserable and stressful they made our building project and the fact that I have been determined 100% to not do the same in return with theirs but be supportive and co-operative. I guess if I am honest I dont feel they've ever been thoughtful towards us - maybe that informs my attitude too.

Aargh.

OP posts:
bordellosboheme · 08/05/2013 14:33

Yabu....... She will be tired, sore, wanting space. It's very mean I think ( sorry)

squoosh · 08/05/2013 14:35

Honestly, you sound like a thoughtful and considerate person, more so than your neighbours. Music turned down by 11pm is more than respectful.

ENJOY THE PARTY!

EasilyBored · 08/05/2013 14:36

It's one night. At a weekend. It's not like the OP has said that she's going to let her child have a drum kit next to one of the adjoining walls or anything. To be honest, if one night of a bit of noise from next door causes that much of an issue, they've got bigger problems.

Newborns never bloody sleep in the evening anyway! Just let them know you're having a party, invite them if she's feeling up to it, and keep the noise to a reasonable level after 11.

I didn't especially enjoy having my neighbours set off fireworks when I had a week old baby. But, you know, it was New Years Eve. It's not every night, and you get over it.

Sallyingforth · 08/05/2013 14:37

Surely it's entirely possible to have a party without making unsociable noise?
People usually talk louder when they've had a drink but they don't need to shout unless you have loud music.

dexter73 · 08/05/2013 14:39

Won't they be up all night anyway if they have a newborn?! (remembers sleepless nights!)

squoosh · 08/05/2013 14:39

If people expect to live in complete silence they should go and live in a Trappist monastery, if you live in a semi detached in suburbia however you've got to accept a bit of noise from time to time.

DiscoDonkey · 08/05/2013 14:40

I'm not sure the building issue is relevant tbh. If you took that out of the equation and assumed you had a normal, positive relationship with your neighbour what would your decision be?
Our previous neighbour was a complete arsehole but when his dad became very ill we stopped all noisy building works on our house for the duration.
Do what you think is right not what you think they "deserve"