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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a party a week or so after neighbour has a baby

117 replies

kitsilano · 08/05/2013 10:40

We are planning to have a party for around 30 - 35 friends in a couple of weeks. Saturday night.

Neighbour (in semi-detached house) is due to give birth imminently (first baby) and I am becoming increasingly anxious that they will be really annoyed about the party, having just given birth and being exhausted etc and that it may cause major problems - and I can empathise with that.

Both of us have done building work in the last couple of years (them ongoing) so we've had to put up with a fair amount of noise from each other without major issues.

But we don't get on with them massively well (they were very annoyed about us building an extension and did everything they could to prevent it - before then doing the same and more themselves...). I always try to be cooperative and pleasant and certainly don't want to be in conflict with them.

This will be the first time we've had a party in the evening in the 5 years we have lived in the house.

How do you think I should handle it?

OP posts:

CloudsAndTrees · 08/05/2013 20:57

Cruel? To have a 40th birthday party with just 30-35 people in your own home?

Cruel?

MoominsYonisAreScary · 08/05/2013 21:09

Ds is 13 weeks old, I wouldn't care as long as the music wasn't too loud.
People have been outside having BBQs and playing music all weekend with the weather being so nice (us too)

maddening · 08/05/2013 21:11

I'm not suggesting that isn't reasonable squoosh.

marjproops · 08/05/2013 21:11

look OP at the end of the day if you did have a party in your house would you be enjoying it or totally foccussed on what the neighbours thinking/feeling?

youre obviously concerned about it (and good for you on that) so why not just go and hire a hall or something, then you wont be worrying about it, can have a good time and be able to make all the noise you want?

plus you wouldnt be clearing/tidying up your house afterwards.

TooMuchRain · 08/05/2013 21:25

I think party is fine but music down so they can't hear it from 11 onwards - though til I read this thread I thought that was normal even without newborns! Can't believe people think it's ok to keep poor neighbours up til 3am.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/05/2013 21:52

I with Dewey on this. Very surprised to see posters saying 'well the baby will keep you up when it cries so it's fair to make noise now'. Are we really like that as a country now, all this tit-for-tat rubbish?

If it were me, I'd be ok with it as long as I was told in advance - not everyone has relatives they can stay with or a beach they can go walk along with the baby as one poster suggested . Music should be turned down at 11pm. That is reasonable.

greenformica · 08/05/2013 22:04

Invite them or at least let them know it's happening. That way she can arrange to stay with friends/family if she wishes.

Pixel · 08/05/2013 22:57

God, I wouldn't. Seems a bit mean. Have the party somewhere else. Hire a room in a pub.

This made me laugh as we lived in a busy pub with lots of live music when my babies were born. The night I brought dd home we had a 12 piece band playing right underneath our bedroom. The floor was shaking!

Sorry, not very helpful. Just y'know memories...

OP this is a difficult one but as others have said it depends, there are parties and parties. Some people just take the mickey with music blasting out in the early hours but you don't sound as if you mean to do that. As it's a special birthday perhaps explain that you started making arrangements some months ago so that family members could be sure to be able to come (whether true or not) and you didn't know then that there might be a new baby next door, then promise to keep the noise down when it gets late? You are letting them know in plenty of time (my neighbours would tell me the day before, if they bothered to mention it at all) so you are being as fair about it as you can.

motherinferior · 10/05/2013 16:28

I'm boggling at the suggestions they postpone a birthday party - the clue's in the name 'birthday'. And I think it's utterly unreasonable to expect them to go to the expense and hassle of hiring somewhere.

valiumredhead · 10/05/2013 16:36

Tell her in advance.

Invite them.

Enjoy :)

Dahlialover · 10/05/2013 16:57

Tell them in advance
Invite them
Send a piece of cake round if they can't come
send a nice card and pressie for the baby

They might turn out ok in the end!

My neighbours had a loud party next door (detatched) the night after we moved in, without telling us anything. They managed to wake me up at 3am, despite me being 4mths pregnant and sleeping like a concrete log. They were arses. Never got any better. You sound better than that.

WileyRoadRunner · 10/05/2013 17:08

If the baby is born that weekend it could be a double celebration?

chansondumatin · 10/05/2013 17:12

I'm due to have a baby the week before Christmas and I live in a terrace.
I'd be mortified if my neighbours started cancelling parties for my benefit. Having a baby is my choice, and other people have lives. I feel guilty enough that my neighbours probably have plenty of disturbed nights ahead of them...

A 40th birthday is a big deal and it's only one night. Have the party and just make sure you don't blast out loud music all night long, as others have said (just as you hopefully would with any party in built-up surroundings).

Maggie111 · 10/05/2013 17:13

I have a newborn (3 weeks old)

I worry I will be keeping my neighbours awake much more than a party on one night!!!

Just let them know in advance about any noise and be apologetic.

And enjoy!

pinkyredrose · 10/05/2013 17:24

Have your party! Why should you change your plans just because they have a baby? That's madness, it was their choice.

Doesn't sound like they've been friendly towards you anyway.

AThingInYourLife · 10/05/2013 17:42

Have the party.

frogwatcher42 · 10/05/2013 18:04

I wouldn't have a party for more than 10 or so in a semi anyway to be honest. I think it is unreasonable - nothing more annoying than noise you can't control or benefit from and you only have to look at councils stats to see how many hundreds of complaints they receive about parties each year and how many parties they shut down after listening to it in the neighbouring house for ages and agreeing it as unreasonable.

You may think you are controlling the noise but after several drinks and your ears adjusting to the noise of 30-40 people talking in one small house you will be surprised how much noise is generated and how much louder it is to those not there or slightly deafened by it! Its amazing how much noise travels through the average semi wall.

Thats what pubs and village halls are for. A village hall costs £20 and you can make as much noise as you like!

marjproops · 10/05/2013 18:53

here here, frogwatcher. !

MiaowTheCat · 10/05/2013 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogwatcher42 · 10/05/2013 19:09

But Miaow - what about the neighbour who cant enjoy THEIR house because of the noise. That is the problem with noise - one person may be enjoying it in their house but others may have the enjoyment of their houses ruined because of it.

motherinferior · 10/05/2013 19:09

Some of you lot just don't like parties, do you.

The occasional noisy Saturday night is part and parcel of urban life. And in a few weeks' time I certainly intend to have a party which will - gasp - spill out into the garden and may involve people Talking Quite Late. Sometimes my neighbours do likewise. We all seem to cope.

frogwatcher42 · 10/05/2013 19:11

I love a good old party (actually have a little tinnitus for over doing it in my early adult life!).

But I also have consideration for my neighbours and think they have a right to enjoy their properties as well as I enjoy mine.

I do make a lot of use of local village halls though!

AThingInYourLife · 10/05/2013 19:24

"Love it - the same forum that had people saying that kids had a right to enjoy the garden at 7am and damn the neighbours wanting some quiet this morning, and now someone wanting to celebrate their 40th (which I doubt will involve an orgy in the garden at 2am somehow) is selfish and mean for wanting to um... enjoy THEIR house?!"

Well I think children should be allowed to play in their gardens and adults should be allowed to have parties in their homes.

Some people don't think people should ever do anything that might make noise.

You can't expect a forum to be consistent.

RatherBeACyborg · 10/05/2013 20:00

The people two doors down sometimes have parties. If the doors /windows are open, then we might hear people chatting and laughing. The odd tune. Tbh, there are worse noises to listen to then people enjoying themselves.

NorthernLurker · 10/05/2013 20:06

I can't believe the OP is being told to move her party. She has a right to entertain people in her own home. The neighbours can just put up with it till 11pm. That's life with neighbours. They've got a new baby. It's not teh end of the world. The ONLY possible circumstances in which I would expect the OP to rethink her plans would be if somebody next door was quite literally dying. In that situation any party should be moved or cancelled. Otherwise party on!

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