To think that nearly 2 will be old enough to go to a family wedding without mum?
DaddyAndDaughterTime · 06/05/2013 16:29
My mum is getting remarried next year in france. We live in South england, so it is a short flight away. I have said about this to my ex, and that I want to take our daughter as all my family will be together which happens very rarely as we all live far apart.
She has said she will be much too young, and to tell my mum to visit her here if she wants to see her. She doesn't seem to understand that this is our daughters family as well not just mine.
I have said I would be happy to fly out with her the day before the wedding, go to the wedding with her, and then have a flight booked for that evening so she can sleep on the plane back, then be home by morning, rather than staying a few days.
She is saying it's not going to happen as she isn't happy with her being in a different country. Is this a reasonable 'mother thing' or should I push the point? I have mentioned to my mum and she said she doesn't want my ex to be invited as she doesn't get on with her.
RainbowsFriend · 06/05/2013 16:36
You are probably not being unreasonable. but I must say I would be very uncomfortable about my 22 month old daughter being out of the country away from me - even for one night. I'd probably let her go though if I was confident her father could comfort her ok and not drink while in charge of her etc...
However, you are talking about next year - things might change and it's a long way off.
DaddyAndDaughterTime · 06/05/2013 16:40
I haven't given her any reason to be concerned, though she does worry a lot in general, and daughter has separation anxiety at the moment so I still see her with mum there during access. But she has said herself that it's just a phase and she knows she will be fine alone soon.
Rainbows, would your daughter be ok going with her dad for a day or 2 at that age?
whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 16:46
I was about to say YANBU but actually the length of time she would be away , would just be like spending the weekend at yours.
Nearly two is still very young though and probably would have a issue about leaving country. Could your ex not come too maybe with a friend and turn it in to a small get away, then u could relax with dd and spend a few days with your family spending time with her?
2rebecca · 06/05/2013 16:47
I think that she is being unreasonable provided that you are used to having your daughter for prolonged periods. I think once a child is no longer breast feeding then there is no reason they can't spend prolonged periods with the father and if you'd have her for a few days in the UK I don't see why a few days abroad is any different. If you're flying then surely it would be less traumatic for your daughter to have a few days at the wedding location. I don't see how wizzing there and back benefits anyone.
My ex and I have generally agreed to each other taking the kids abroad seeing it as fun for the kids.
If she disagrees you will need to take it to court though. Have you only recently separated and is she not used to being regularly separated from her daughter yet?
If it's early days I'd just go alone rather than risk wrecking the relationship with your ex. You have to play a long term game with access. If she repeatedly blocks you doing stuff then court can be better than not seeing your daughter.
jacks365 · 06/05/2013 16:49
You are not currently taking sole care of your daughter all you are doing is playing with her. Do you do any actual caring ie feeding or nappy changing. How long do you spend with your daughter. From the little you have said my answer would right now be no and no way would i want to commit myself till right before the wedding, too many variables at that age.
TidyDancer · 06/05/2013 16:52
Just a thought, but is this actually an issue with your mother? You said your mum doesn't get on with your ex, perhaps your ex doesn't have a problem with DD being out of the country with you, but with your mother?
Depending on why they don't get on, I think I may question it in your ex's position.
If having your DD there is really important to you and your ex still won't budge, could your ex go to France with you, but just not attend the wedding?
RainbowsFriend · 06/05/2013 16:52
To answer your query - I'm really not sure. Although I live with her father (DP) and he tries to be hands on, DD is still at the separation anxiety stage and when he has her for more than about 4 hours she starts crying for me. (Despite being fine at the childminders for 6 hours when I'm at work!)
I'm not sure he could cope with her overnight - although I am planning my first evening out since she was born soon - leaving her with DP to put to bed etc for the first time.
I think it needs to be built up to - if your daughter is fine with you overnight, then surely there is no issue? But it really depends on how you an your daughter build up to it!
DaddyAndDaughterTime · 06/05/2013 16:53
531, the wedding isn't until next March so I would be aiming to have her for full days by then.
What - suggesting she stays nearby could be a last resort, but I'm not sure she would be prepared to, she is always saying how tight money is, and has handed in her notice at work to be a SAHM until she is 3 so that won't be improving.
TidyDancer · 06/05/2013 16:54
Oh yes, I just saw that you haven't been alone with her.
In that case, I would be saying no as well at the moment, but that you could reassess nearer the time if progress has been made.
Not a chance I would let a child go with someone who hasn't cared for them alone, so this is what you need to work on.
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