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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at a nanny 'friend' who told me I should leave my job..........

324 replies

Mummyoftwoangels · 30/04/2013 14:39

just because I told her I didn't want to feed her youngest charge her bottle this morning?! She was 'busy' texting her boss!!

My reasoning being, I lost my own babies just over a year ago, and struggle at times with dealing with young babies! The children I look after are 3 and 6 so not babies!!

She said I should be able to help out others or I'm not doing my job properly! She knows the history of what I have been through, but insisted that I should think about changing my career Sad

If I seriously thought I wasn't doing my job properly, I would leave! AIBU to be really angry, and sad at her criticism?!

OP posts:
Hopasholic · 07/05/2013 18:52

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow Flowers

fengirl1 · 07/05/2013 19:01

Mummy, your special place is just that - for you and your babies only. No-one else matters, and no-one else deserves your thoughts while you're there. X

Original poster
Mummyoftwoangels · 07/05/2013 20:00

Oh my goodness, I am so touched by all your kind words of support! I thought tomorrow was only going to be special to me, and that no one else really cares Sad But I can now see that people do care! Those of you on here that have sadly lost your own babies, know how I am feeling right now! You know that feeling of emptiness, the feeling that something is missing from your life! I can also see how those of you who are lucky enough to have beautiful children of your own, can empathise with how I feel.

Tonight I will go to bed thinking about my girls and I will wake up wanting to make the day very special for them! I want to feel close to them, and in my ideal world, I want to get through the day without the guilt Sad I thought I had finally reached a point where I could finally say that it wasn't my fault! BUT since the stupid comments that ex nanny came out with, I am doubting myself again Sad her timing couldn't of been worse! I don't want to let her spoil my day! I want to be able to make tomorrow about them! No more being ashamed and feeling guilty!

So having realised today that the nannies who have been told information that I'd rather they didn't know, were still willing to talk to me! They didn't hate me or run a mile! Maybe it's time to stop hiding and stop feeling ashamed of what he did! Maybe by keeping things quiet I am letting HIM and ex nanny control me! Maybe if there are no secrets, then no one can hurt me anymore!?? Not sure if this makes any sense! Sorry!!

So as you have all been so honest, caring and supportive maybe I can finally be totally honest with you all! I do it hoping that it won't backfire, by you all suddenly realising that it was my fault!! But I think it's worth the risk, so I can finally move on and stop being ashamed!

I lost my girls, when I was almost 20 weeks pregnant! I had gone home from work as normal! I was feeling okay, HE hadn't hit or punched me for a while! When I got back he was home, and had friends round! Sad I hated when he had friends round and he drank! So after feeding them all things suddenly changed Sad I can't go into full detail, but HE raped me that evening and so did his friend Sad I couldn't fight them both off and I couldn't protect my babies! I kept telling them to stop, and I did say NO over and over again! My waters broke half an hour after they finished Sad My world came to an end, I lost my girls Sad

I hope the brief way I wrote that didn't make me sound cold or heartless, because I am not! I just needed to say the words! I Can't keep going on like this! I should be celebrating my girls first birthday tomorrow! But because of those bastards I can't! I may of been at fault for staying with him, but I did say No and I didn't deserve to be treated like that!

Sorry If I have said more than I should! But I needed to say that, so I can TRY and change my way of thinking before tomorrow! Or at least soon! I don't want to continue being ashamed of myself! Sad

OP posts:
StarsdontShine · 07/05/2013 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shewhowines · 07/05/2013 20:35

Saying all that extra just makes it more definite that it is not your fault. You said no. That should have been the end of it. Repeat it was not your fault.

wheredidiputit · 07/05/2013 20:38

I'm so sorry you have had a such awful time.

But you are an amazing person and none of this was then and now is ever your fault.

Yes those nannies/friends who received this horrible information from the ex nanny will see that the only victim in all of this is you. And I can say if I had I received would be doing everything I could to make sure you knew that I that I thought that you are an amazing strong women and I'm available should you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend.

I have a good as day as possible tomorrow thinking about you're angels.

BlackAffronted · 07/05/2013 21:02

My heart goes oyt to you, your last pist has made me cry. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and tell you that it wasnt your fault Thanks

BlackAffronted · 07/05/2013 21:03

Sorry, I meant post.

glitternanny · 07/05/2013 21:04

Hi mummyoftwoangels I'm so pleased that you've been able to come on here and tell your story and get all of the support and love and caring from the MN ladies out there. I hope its given you some reassurance that the general public (even complete strangers) don't think this is your fault at all - any of it.

We'd all quite happy meet you tomorrow and give you a real hug I'm sure!

You did the right (and very brave and coragous) thing reporting this evil woman to the police - I hope she's learnt her lesson - she's just ruined her career in one fail swoop - that's her fault - all for the stupidest of reasons when it wasn't your place to feed her baby!

What an evil evil woman she is.

I hope that the other nannies that know continue to show their support and you get some more understanding that you aren't at fault in any of this.

That bastard failed you beyond words and he is the one that was guilty - not you - you are innocent and you have done nothing wrong - nothing at all.

Sending you lots of gentle hugs and kindness -I hope tomorrow passes peaceful and perfectly for you.

Carry on talking mummy - I for one know your girls would be very proud of you as I'm sure your MN family are too.

Keep coming back and keeping us posted.

x

MammaTJ · 07/05/2013 21:06

Not for one moment have you sounded cold and heartless. You would have been a wonderful mum to those precious angels and they know it.

LindyHemming · 07/05/2013 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BanjoPlayingTiger · 07/05/2013 21:11

Earlier on I posted that it wasn't your fault.

I still think it wasn't your fault. Even more than before.
I believe you.

I will think of you and your girls tomorrow. Much love and strength

Hopasholic · 07/05/2013 21:14

What a truly amazing lady you are. You have been through so much and have still managed to hold down a stressful, demanding role which honestly, only very few can do well. I don't know how you've managed it, but you have and you should hold your head up high.

You have far more grace and dignity In your little finger than that vindictive nanny has. As for your ex and his accomplice, well I do not have the words but I am a very firm believe in karma. X

Slambang · 07/05/2013 21:18

I believe you and I know it was not your fault. Sad

Xales · 07/05/2013 21:30

Only a completely vile person could use what you have just said against you.

I can't say I understand the depths of your pain.

I have posted my story before. My step-father raped and abused me in all the ways you can imagine from when I was about 8 until I was strong enough in my mid-teens to stop it.

I was arguing with my half sister (his daughter) we never got on. In front of her early 20 year old DDs and my DS when he was about 5 plus other family as she was being a dick as usual. She turned around in front of all these people who had no need to know and said 'it's not my fault our father nonced you'.

I saw red. She had to barracade herself in a bedroom or I would have beaten her black and blue to my shame.

Have barely spoken 5 words to her since and only for my mother's sake.

You are strong. You survived your ex. You survived the tragic loss of your DDs. You will survive this vile cow.

Hugs for tomorrow.

Hissy · 07/05/2013 21:44

Mumof2angels: there are no word to describe how much I admire you.

I am so sorry you had to go through all that you have been through.

You really are an amazing woman.

I too will be thinking of you and your girls tomorrow.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 07/05/2013 21:55

Im so sorry - it is not your fault in any way. You and the girls were victims of a terrible crime. You did not let your girls down because you had no control over what those bastards did.

Have a lovely day tomorrow - think all of hose happy thoughts you were storing up. Do not let that cow make you doubt yourself

glitternanny · 07/05/2013 22:14

maybe you can spend some time at your special place sometime soon xx

e

MNHQ
JulieMumsnet · 07/05/2013 22:32

Hi,

We understand that this is a very emotive thread.

We just wanted to remind you that, whilst we don't have any reason to think that the OP isn't genuine, please don't give any more of yourself, emotionally or otherwise, than you can afford to give.

Original poster
Mummyoftwoangels · 07/05/2013 22:41

Thanks to those of you who replied with kind thoughts and words of encouragement!

Apologies to MNHQ if I have overstepped the mark by telling the 'true' story of how I lost my girls! I didn't mean to upset or offend anyone!

I won't be back to post, as the last thing I wanted to do was to upset anyone! Sorry x

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesSunshine · 07/05/2013 23:09

Mummyoftwoangels Don't go away :( That's just a standard thing that is written by MNHQ on many threads as in the past some people have written about terrible things (that didn't actually happen) to get money or other things from kind MNers... and worse still, there have been people who have made up stories about having lost a child and many MNers were hurt & betrayed :(

Please don't take it personally, it's just a warning not to give away more than you can (mostly emotionally).

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 07/05/2013 23:17

please dont take it to heart mummy... chipping is completely right. its a standard post by mnhq on this type of thread. you havent asked for anything other than advice and support... you dont need to worry. please keep posting if you need/want to!

ill be thinking of you too tomorrow Thanks xx

IsItMeOr · 07/05/2013 23:21

Please don't leave Mummy, chipping and Inlove are spot on - I know it reads a bit oddly, but it's just a common-sense reminder that we can't really know who others are online.

FWIW, I do believe you, and I am so sorry to hear about the traumatic way you lost your girls. None of what you've said makes me think less of you.

Hope you have a really special day tomorrow. xx

Original poster
Mummyoftwoangels · 08/05/2013 03:37

Thanks for explaining that to me! I am new to MN, and obviously totally over sensitive and stupid! Sorry! I just read it, and immediately felt like I was being called a liar Sad which is exactly what my ex said would happen if I ever told anyone what he did to me!

I don't want anything from anyone! I just needed a bit of support in what has been a REALLY crap week Sad

Anyway having spent the last few hours crying and getting worked up over this, I now see that I was being silly! So sorry!!

I feel so sad right now, and so tearful! I'm scared that today isn't going to be as special as I really want it to be! I want to show my girls how much they mean to me and how much I miss them! But all I can think about right now is HIM Sad I'm so angry with myself Sad maybe I just need to try and get a bit more sleep?!?

Hopefully I will wake in a better mood and be able to do my girls proud!!

Thanks again for all the kind wishes. Xx

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 08/05/2013 04:08

I hope you are managing to get some sleep now.

I hope you do make the day as special as you want. Just be with your girls in your thoughts and block out all the horrible stuff as best you can.

You have the thoughts of all of us with you today.