To be angry at a nanny 'friend' who told me I should leave my job..........

[Mummyoftwoangels]

just because I told her I didn't want to feed her youngest charge her bottle this morning?! She was 'busy' texting her boss!!

My reasoning being, I lost my own babies just over a year ago, and struggle at times with dealing with young babies! The children I look after are 3 and 6 so not babies!!

She said I should be able to help out others or I'm not doing my job properly! She knows the history of what I have been through, but insisted that I should think about changing my career

If I seriously thought I wasn't doing my job properly, I would leave! AIBU to be really angry, and sad at her criticism?!

This is truly awful!

Glad you are getting support from a counsellor, wow are you going to have a lot to talk over tomorrow, just to bring her up to speed! Good idea having a double session.

Have something nice planned for after maybe, a favourite meal/drink, person to visit?

too, (if you are into those if not friendly rub on the back!) can never have too many of those.

So I'm back home, after putting it off for the last few hours now to go and see the police and find out what's happening

I spent most of the train ride back crying! Feeling so emotional at the moment! It's horrible! I'm not sure I have much else to say, at the moment! Just putting off going to see the police part of me was hoping, she would of just stopped and I would be able to carry on like nothing had happened

Thanks again for the kind words, and hugs! All gratefully received xx

Sometimes I worry that words on a screen are inadequate but I couldn't read and run. Going to the police, after all you've been through with your ex, shows you have tremendous strength. The words that came to mind were "tough times don't last, tough people do" and you certainly have that strength within you. If you ever doubt it's there, come back and read this thread.

bloody hell!

what an absolutely disgusting vile woman she is. i am so pleased to hear the police are still taking it seriously and she's being arrested. i was going to say i hope she learns from all of this... however i fear she wont, she'll always be nasty. i hope the police will take this as far as it should go... especially after being warned twice already.

i wonder if it would be worth getting a restraining order put on her and her bf? that way they cant come near you or contact you, and if they do they'll be in even more trouble

im so proud of you for coming back to face all of this. its not easy i know and i know how strong the feeling of wanting to run away can be. but you are so strong, stronger than you think you are. dont apologise for moaning... you're not moaning, you're asking for help and advice. you are doing the right thing

Well ex nanny was arrested and given a formal warning! She's not allowed to call, text or email me! If she tries to make any contact, she will be arrested again and charged with harassment!

So far so good, I haven't heard anything from her! So now I need to concentrate on sorting myself out! My friend text this evening to offer her support and a friendly ear! I didn't want to talk to her she was very sweet, and said she understood why I was suddenly being very cautious, but I felt really bad about pushing her away because I know deep down, I want her help

This ex nanny, has really made me feel so bad about myself. She deliberately picked on all my major insecurities and made me doubt myself again

I know I have to try and remember that everyone else, including people on here, have been kind and caring! But she has brought back so many BAD memories When I left the police station, I threw up all I could think about was when I had been there talking to them after my ex raped me I left there feeling so dirty it's not fair, I have already dealt with this once! Why did she do this too me! What did I do that was so bad

You are being really brave.

You have been extremely unlucky to come across such a twisted individual. But you must remember that the things she said were meant to hurt and do not reflect what others believe. The fact she has used your confidences to twist the knife is a reflection on her rather than you. I only know what you've said above but there is no way you should take on any burden of guilt.

Please don't feel you can't talk to other people. If some of the nannies who received her email talk to you just say 'that's a time in my life I find very painful to talk about but I would love to meet for a coffee and have a cheerful chat'.

You don't need to talk to people about what happened to you but I think it is really important that you don't shut yourself off from people.

Your employer sounds lovely - keep her up to date on what's happening and put the toxic bitch out of your mind.

Aw Mummy. Really glad to hear that the Police seem to have been able to deal with the ex-nanny, but sorry to see so many sad faces in your post.

You are doing so well, and you have done a brilliant job of looking after yourself in what has to be an incredibly unlucky experience for you.

Please try to focus on the fact that you have very effectively and maturely shut down this horrible bully, and that you have clearly got a few good friends or potential friends making themselves known.

Yes, of course you're going to be wary for a while. But they'll be there waiting, when you're ready.

Good luck xxxxx

Brave brave woman. Glad you still seeing your counceller, I think it's really important that you have some help through this.

Morning all,

I've been awake for the last hour! I am literally petrified of taking my charges on the school run today it's so hard knowing how much the other nannies know about me

I know I'm being stupid and pathetic, but part of me really wants to call in sick BUT I can't let my bosses down! Plus if I don't go in today, I think it will be harder tomorrow and maybe I will never go back!

I can't let the ex nanny win! I have to face my fears head on! I know that the other nannies who now know, will probably just want to be supportive! But knowing how much detail they have been told is horrible I just feel so dirty

Right moan over, time to get up and try and start my day! Maybe it won't be as hard as I think it will be?!!

Thinking of you. I am sure the other nannies will be horrified by her behaviour and very supportive of you.

Mummyofangels - well done for getting up . So sorry all thus is happening to you. Am sure you will have nothing but love and support from other nannies - you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing dirty about you.

Try not to think of the whole school gates thing but focus on what you are doing each moment ( make tea, drink it, get dressed etc) and try not to let your mind race ahead. I am sure it won't be that bad and once you have done it the fear will start to go a bit.

Thinking off you x

Really though the other nannies will have every sympathy with you - ex nanny on the other hand will be now known as an evil arsehole bitch! Hold your head up and smile :)

(((((((((((((soft Hugs))))))))))) Sweetie. YOU have done No Wrong. Hold Your Head Up High

Only just seen this thread and read it all with my mouth open. There are some truly horrible people in this world; some beat you up with fists, others do it with words. They are fortunately in the minority otherwise civilisation would just break down completely.

But look at it this way: if you had not confided in this woman she would still be in charge of a three-year-old and a baby, and nobody would know what might be going on when she had them in her sole charge. Your pain is dreadful and unfair, but the positive result is that those children (and any others she got her hooks into) will no longer be at risk of dreadful psychological damage. Her ex-employers' blood must have run cold when they saw those messages. If she can even think the awful things she has happily spread around the district then she is totally not fit to have care of small children; and you have been the unwitting instrument who stopped it happening. That's something you can be proud rather than ashamed of. It's just a great pity that it had to come at such a high cost to you, an innocent party.

This woman will blame you for losing her job, of course she will. That doesn't make it true. It means that her world view is distorted, so that everything is someone else's fault. Some people just can't or won't look inside themselves - and who can blame her, it's nasty in there.

You, on the other hand, are a total sweetie. It's so unjust that you beat yourself up for other people's crimes. If only you could love yourself as you deserve.

ps What did you do that was so bad? Nothing but be vulnerable in the presence of an emotional predator. It's like a zebra wondering why it was bad enough to be eaten by a lion. The only reason is that it is in the nature of lions to eat zebras. You zebra, she lion; she chewed you up because it's in her blood.

Thanks for the words of support!

Well I made it through the school run I feel slightly more relaxed now although I did have 3 calls this morning from a withheld number!?! I picked up but then the line went dead!?

A couple of the nannies came over and said that they had received the emails but they had deleted it before they read the whole thing! I don't know if it's the truth, but it made me feel, that at least they cared!!

So let's hope that's the end of it!! Then I can concentrate on tomorrow, and giving myself some time to think about my girls on their special day! Xx

Well done Mummy and it's reassuring to hear that the other nannies have a good sense of an appropriate way to react to this behaviour.

Worth making a note of the times of those hang-up calls, just to keep track of them in case there's a pattern. And mentioning to the police if it isn't just a one-off this morning. The ex-nanny is clearly a very odd person, so I guess this could be potentially one last attempt at harrassing you.

Big hugs for tomorrow. Do you have a specific plan?

IsItMeOr thanks for the hugs for tomorrow think I'm going to need them!!!!!

As for plans, I'm not really sure! I was going to go to their special place, which is a pond which I went to with a friend. A few months after I lost the girls, and it's where I feel closest to them

I was going to take 2 first birthday balloons and some flowers, sit and chat to my babies for a while, and then release the balloons! BUT typically the weather forecast for tomorrow is rain

So my back up plan is to take the balloons to the hospital they were born at, and go light 2 candles in the hospital chapel, then go into the peace garden there, which is where their ashes were put!

My problem is, although I loved to go there to see my babies when I first lost them, my ex partner did something not so nice to me there, so it's now not somewhere I can view in a nice way! But maybe its time to face up to the fact that he is gone, and maybe I can make that a special place again!?

Maybe tomorrow is about me facing up to my fears, and showing my ex that he doesn't control me anymore! Maybe tomorrow could be the start of me finding my way again!! Can't think of anything more appropriate than showing my babies that their mummy is trying to move on BUT that I love them more than words can say, and as I release their balloons tomorrow, I will be sending them all the love, hugs and kisses that they would of got, if they had been here!

Then I will drop 2 toys into the children's ward, I have bought a present for each of them and will donate them to the hospital, so some sick children will benefit from the gifts! I have also bought a little gift for both my girls to go in their memory boxes! I'm sure at some point I will stop looking in the boxes, or stop adding to them! But right now, they are very special to me, and they remind me that I was a mummy once, even if it was to two Very Special Angel Babies!

Xxxxxx

Have tears in my eyes reading about your plans. They sound absolutely perfect, whatever the weather.

I'm sure you're right that it may not be something you want to do in the same way forever, but it's the right thing to do for now, isn't it?

xxxx

I am in tears here

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. sweetie.
((((((((((((Hugs and Love))))))))))) to you

you are a very strong lady

Your plans for tomorrow sound perfect, its about time to think about your beautiful baby girls, and showing that you love them.

Trying to move on with your life is hard but nothing can ever be, or will ever be as bad as loosing your precious babies and although your life has not been easy since then and you have had so much to deal with you are so strong and you are surviving it and one day my lovely life will be good for you again.

I will also be thinking of you and your beautiful girls tomorrow

As someone else said,

she didn't just fool you - she fooled her employers too, so she must have been very convincing as a nice person. Do not feel guilty for being taken in by her. You are innocent in all this, as are her employers. I bet they are feeling guilty too, though, because they don't know the effect she has had on their children. Remember all of you were the victims and she is the one to blame - not yourselves.

And as someone else said - you can feel a hero for "saving" those children and possibly others if she can't get another job due to a bad reference.

I hope tomorrow is better than you expect and you experience some sort of closure. Remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Put the blame squarely where it really lies - your ex.

Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. That is an order from me, which I'm sure many others will agree with. Don't you dare disobey!

I am another in tears at your words.

shewhowines is right, she did fool her employers too when they were making the very important decision as to who to trust with their precious children.

Thinking of her employers, do you know if they have another nanny by now? I understand it is not easy to find one, especially at short notice. I wonder how they are managing. So good of them to do the right thing, but it must have left them in a bit of a fix.