To think that this Reverand is rude?

[PrettyKitty1986]

Df thinks IABU but I actually feel quite pissed off ATM.
So-we are getting married next year. We want to get married on a Sunday, in a church that is not our parish church but one that has family connections.
I emailed the Reverand to enquire about the date and ask if he would marry us (we were told by the Parish secretary to email not phone/call in). I got a reply the next day, saying that Sundays were 'not the best day for weddings as the clergy are busy and parishioners who need to attend may have family commitments'. He then went on to ask for details of the qualifying connection that would allow us to marry there so that we could discuss it further.
I emailed back later that day with details of the connection (df's grandparents marrying there) and also asked if there was any time of day we could marry on a Sunday that would be less inconvenient and thus allow us to marry on a Sunday.
I waited for a reply for a full week and nothing.
So, I forwarded the email again, and just said I wanted to check he had received it as I had n't yet had a reply.
He sent an email back saying (word for word) 'I have received your email but it is not quite to the top of my list. Regards'.
That was a week ago...and nothing since.

AIBU to think he's being 'off'? It's now been nearly a month since my first email and we're at risk of losing the provisional booking we have for our venue as we still don't know if he will marry us on that date.

Also, where do I go from here? What can I email him now? Just to stress also, I have been impeccably polite in all emails...I know that marrying in this church is a privelage not a right, but it is very special to df and I really want to be able to marry there for him...so want to move things along but not risk pissing this Reverand off!

Sorry it's long!

[Bunbaker]

I communicate with our vicar by email. She is so busy that I know it is the only way she will get a message from me.

[PuppyMonkey]

In op's defence, that's the bit I do think is - replying and saying "you're not my top priority." Quicker to just type, "sorry no can do" preferably with a quick "[God bless you my child etc "

Incidentally,I have never been to a funeral on a Sunday. Loads of weddings but no funerals. Ho hum.

[sweetestcup]

Why do you want to get married on a Sunday?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

He might mean it literally though, puppy - as in, you're in the queue for a Sunday spot but I've got others waiting?

[KurriKurri]

Actually I think the vicar was rude - sounds as if he's got a God complex.

[PuppyMonkey]

Maybe so, LRD. Didn't read it like that. But still think it would be clearer and get op off his back to say: " sorry, I can't."

[DeskPlanner]

He should just tell you yes or no. I understand why you want to marry there and why you communicated by email. But why do you want to marry on a Sunday ?
I think you should give up with that church on a Sunday. Try your parish church on a Sunday or find civil wedding on a Sunday, if its the perfect day.

[Sirzy]

Why not go to the service on Sunday and talk to the Vicar after the service?

[cfc]

Requests for Sunday wedding and Church connections aside, the guy was rude, IMO.

[PrettyKitty1986]

I'm in Wales Mcbee.

We want a Subday ideally because of the venue, and it being easier for close friends of ours to attend as they will be travelling quite a distance.

To clarify the situation with df...he doesn't think my actions are bu, or that we should not bother...he thinks I am bu for being irritated that ymthe Reverand seemingly won 't give us a straight answer. He seems to think that all members of the Church are kindly, selfless people and therefore i must be bu because the Reverand couldn't possibly be bein rude! Lol

[PrettyKitty1986]

And I apologise for my spelling, am on my phone

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

The wedding isn't the most important thing. It's the marriage that comes after that you have to get right.

Get off the guy's case - He tried, gently, to give you a brush off. Let it go.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Yes, true, puppy.

[EverybodysSootyEyed]

how far is the church from where you live? It may be worth your df going to visit and buttering the rev up.

If you have a venue booked for a particular date though I wouldn't hold your breath, availability of services is far less on a sunday

as a guest, i hate sunday weddings because i have work the next day!!

[DeskPlanner]

Just to clarify, when you say, a Sunday is easier for the venue, you mean the reception venue rather than the church venue ?

[RevoltingPeasant]

OP I don't think YABU.

I think it's a miscommunication and he was trying to politely hint in his first email, but I would've read it the same way you did: 'Well, it's not our usual thing, but tell me about this connection you have and we'll see.'

It must have been clear from your email that you had misunderstood so he could've just written back, 'Sorry, as I tried to explain, this isn't our normal practice but we can try to find another day if you are keen to marry here. I'm busy but will get back when I can.'

That took me approximately 42 seconds to type and is not rude. The whole 'not quite the top of priorities' business is sarky and unprofessional.

Personally I'd go somewhere else after that.

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

REVEREND

NOT REVERAND

Sorry but it's been pointed out a lot on this thread

[cfc]

Obviously the marriage matters more than the wedding, but the wedding still needs to happen!

She's just trying to get a date in the diary, FGS. The Rev. needs to answer her properly. I agree with the poster who said to meet face to face, but just turning up after a service isn't the right idea I think, because they're always rushing off somewhere else. Our Priest for example, rushes straight from Mass to the hospital to administer the Host there.

[maddening]

yanbu - he should say yes or no.

whether a sunday wedding is reasonable is irrelevant - he can answer yes or no. And if the answer is no it would be polite to give a short explanation and potential alternative dates.

whether your connection is reasonable is irrelevant - he can answer yes or no. Again a polite explanation would be the right thing to do.

his reply was rude also.

[Salmotrutta]

See, I think Ministers are just as likely to have a "rude" episode as anyone else.

In fact, they must spend so much time being all nice and polite and everything, I think they deserve to indulge in a bit of rudeness now and again.

My brother was married by a spectacularly grumpy old Church of Scotland minister

[ZZZenagain]

I think his response initially was a clear "no" to a Sunday wedding. He asked about your family connections wrt finding another date IMO, Saturday perhaps but he has a pile of mails to deal with/answer and hasn't got to yours yet.

Think you have to leave it now if they request email contact over phoning and personal visits. Maybe it will still all work out, try to deal with him a bit less as if you are booking something through an event manager or business.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Ophelia I just thought the reverand was being quite rude. Reverands are normally polite.

[PrettyKitty1986]

Ophelias...like I said, I'm on my phone. It is auto-changing. But thanks for your concern over my spelling. Unnecessary, but thanks anyway.

[EverybodysSootyEyed]

i think zzz is right about approach

your df should have emailed with a lovely bit on growing up in the area and fond memories of the church blah blah blah

as it is, the official connection is weak and if it is a particularly attractive church he probably has loads of people with tenuous links trying to get married there