To think that a 40 year old man dating a 21 year old is off?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

Which is what is happening with a friend from work.

She's a very young 21, at Uni, likes to drink, party, mess around and have lots of relationships. She works 6 hours a week at a cafe.

He's a mature 40, owns his own houses and runs his brothers very successful electronics business. He has never had a long term relationship.

AIBU to think its a bit odd for an older guy to be wanting a relationship with such a younger woman?

NOTE: I would never interfere and am not saying they SHOULDN'T date, just that I find it uncomfortable for some reason. I am asking what people think not for a lecture on whether I should be judging

Niceguy, why is 'bagging a date' with a young woman a confidence booster? Why did her age give you kudos and bragging rights?
I'm curious...

God there are some creepy men on this thread all of a sudden.

@Thisisaeuphemism

I guess the honest answer is that in general society views young women as more beautiful than older women. And men certainly like to have a hot woman on their arm.

The converse of course is a woman having a rich husband.

Just one of those things.

And men certainly like to have a hot woman on their arm.

Vomit.

The converse of course is a woman having a rich husband.

Any more stupid stereotypes whilst you are at it?

I don't think society does - I think you do!

I could understand if you said "I started seeing a gorgeous woman and that was an ego boost and I was the envy of all my mates." But you didn't mention her looks at all. It was just "ooh, wow, she's sooo young, (plus she's low self esteem/insecure) I'm a lucky bastard."

Are all 21 year olds 'hot' then? I must only know the normal ones.

Do you think women go, "Ooh, she's bagged herself a stockbroker...Lucky cow"? Most of us don't.

Whilst not wanting to comment on any individual relationship which might provoke upset, there is a trend in society which is reflected in this thread, which is it should be perfectly acceptable for 40 something men to date/marry late teen/twenties women. But where are the 40 something women dating/marrying late teen/twenties men? That is still a pretty rare thing. Of course it is all to do with women's reproductive capacity, but it filters throughout society - Jeremy Renner, Daniel Craig, and many actors like them only found success as actors in their late 30s/40s, and had all that time to work on their career, whereas as a woman, if you haven't made it by the time you're 28, well, it is pretty impossible [there are exceptions but they are rare]. There is a deep inequality in terms of how men and women can behave and what they can achieve as they get older. This thread just reflects that.

Back off, OP. None of your business. I was 38 when I married my 25 year old husband.

Don't think there is anything wrong with age gaps in a relationship. Stepmum and stepdad (long story) have a 30 year age gap, early 30's and early 60's, married for a couple of years, been together 8 years and I don't think I have ever seen either of them happier

Yabvu she is legally a consenting adult, it's none of your business

This thread is from April...

Last year my brother said, i don't want to be a sad wanker at 40 chasing 20 year olds. This year he's in love with a (actually fabulous) woman of 23. He is 37. There is no irony, apparently.

We can't help who we fall in love with, but when I was growing up a man was considered a bit dodgy if he went out of his way to find a much younger woman. I've struggled to overcome that thought ever since. I hate how youth and beauty are worshiped in this country, how many women say they've become invisible to men after a certain age, so when I see a young woman with a much older man it sets off these negative thoughts. But they are my problems, and if the couple are happy that's all that matters. Besides, maybe these young women are only interested in older men anyway. My instant reaction is negative, but then I slap myself on the wrist

God, if I wasn't very happily married at age 41, there is a certain chap in his early/mid twenties who I would love to bag. I would as well. Anyway, sorry, do carry on with the thread.....

Good lord, men don't even RIPEN until they're 40! My husband has 2 years to go.

yes TOB realised that after posting and reported my post but new posts now. apologies for resurrecting....

I'm 23 and married to a 45 year old wonderful man. Love doesn't have anything to do with age. We met at the Hospital, I was there as an intern, I'm a physician assistant student, and he is an orthopedic surgeon. We clicked right away, and he proposed after 2 months. We are happy married and expecting our first baby. As long as there is love, the rest is secondary.

This thread is 3 years old

I would personally worry about the 21 year old wasting her youth on some sad sack 40 year old who has never been in a relationship before.

And yes, the balance of power in the relationship due to age, experience, financial control, social status, etc.

Age is NOT just a number imo. Yes, relationships with a large age gap can work out but I would feel uncomfortable if my son or daughter entered a relationship where their partner was so much older... or younger than they are.

ZOMBIE thread.

Yanbu - and God luck !!! There are aloud of very defensive may-December lovers on here

Luckily, they probably don't give a shit if you think it's right or not! Is there nothing else interesting happening in your life?

3 years on. Anything could have happened.....

What Branleuse said!

It's nothing to do with you. If the genders were reversed would you be on here trying to get others to affirm your cynicism for you?

I've got a date with a 19 year old this weekend, and im late 30s.

I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but why not I thought in the end.

I think it depends on the individuals. My good friend who was 37 started dating a 20 year old. He thought long and hard about it and asked my advice as he did not want people to think he was a pervy older man. I happily told him that he was one of the most immature people I knew and therefore they would probably be well suited (and they are). He is lovely but completely irresponsible and she actually seems it have had a stabilising effect on him!