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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think posting about your pregnancy on social networks is insensitive?

209 replies

ivanapoo · 07/04/2013 18:59

I don't mean the odd post here and there, I mean daily or more frequent updates/photos of scans, things you've bought or made for the baby, the "delicious" glass of Appletize you're enjoying, how sick you're feeling, how big your bump is, and so on ad infinitum?

Not only is it more boring than a parking thread on AIBU for all the friends in whose newsfeeds your updates appear, but for many women of childbearing age there's a good chance your peers/friends may be TTC, or unable to conceive, or wishing they had a partner to conceive with.

Almost as bad are the parents who detail every tiny little boring thing their child has done that day. I'm still waiting for someone to Instagram a picture of their baby's shitty nappy.

OP posts:
SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 08/04/2013 09:07

And the thing is, I have no idea if anyone on my friends list is struggling to conceive. I can't take a guess. None of them have said anything, so it's not like I can make sure certain people can't see my posts as I don't know anyone in that position.

everlong · 08/04/2013 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrittaPie · 08/04/2013 09:10

I post constantly about my kids, and many of my friends do the same. If I'm not in the mood I scroll past and find a joke, or some politics, or funny clubbing pictures, all things I might scroll past on other days.

I see fb as a kind of house party. Everyone talking about different things. You can stand in the kitchen talking about books, go to the hallway for gossip or stand in the back yard talking about drugs. It's your choice.

HandMini · 08/04/2013 09:13

YANBU. It's so tedious and inward-looking.

DolomitesDonkey · 08/04/2013 09:14

Yabu - I agree it can be boring and I know some of my friends are TTC, there's also a pretty fair chance some are TTC and I don't know. But I can't go silently through life because someone is in pain. I love that "their joy is not your pain".

Suzietwo · 08/04/2013 09:15

its up to the individual though. i have a three post rule about pregnancies - one to let people know (not a scan/announcement but a gentle way of letting them know), one whinge post 30 weeks and a birth announcement. but thats my choice for a huge number of reasons, some of which are sensistivity to friends. when others go OTT i hide them and think they're twats. not worth getting cross about tho

Suzietwo · 08/04/2013 09:16

oh and last pregnancy i allowed myself a fourth - b/c i broke a chair when i sat on it as id got so fvckin fat.

Original poster
ivanapoo · 08/04/2013 09:21

I'm not suggesting its boring/insensitive for people to post about it at all, that's a world apart from daily+ posts though IMO.

everlong yes, I suppose I don't see FB as being mememe - because every time I post anything on there it's seen by a massive, random bunch of people I know!

OP posts:
Ariel21 · 08/04/2013 09:30

Hi. I don't think it's insensitive as if that were true you could say the same about anything, but I agree that it is dull as fuck. The worse bit for me is some friends and contacts who are constantly whinging - oh, being pregnant is soo hard, and having a newborn baby is sooo stressful, blah blah blah. Of course it is hard - what did you expect? But surely it is also wonderful, joyful and miraculous? YES Facebook is for sharing, but there are limits. Now if you want to share every detail of your pregnancy - why not join the ante-natal groups on Mumsnet?

EmpressMaud · 08/04/2013 09:33

No. You can also hide any future updates you don't wish to read.

hotcrosbum · 08/04/2013 09:39

I can see where you are coming from.

I am pregnant at the moment, and have not posted a single thing about it, mainly because who else in the world could possibly care about how sick I am or how many weeks along I am?

It's my second though, so it's all a bit boring and crap (pregnancy does not agree with me) and I feel no need to share anything about it.

My first was born in the dark ages, had there been facebook then I would have probably harped on about it day and night.

BrittaPie · 08/04/2013 09:42

But being pregnant is sometimes hard, and newborns can sometimes be stressful, and often pregnant women and people with new babies feel really isolated.

Are you seriously suggesting that people who feel isolated (and who could get pnd or pnp) are not allowed community support? That they should only talk to selected people, as if they had an std or something? Are they allowed to leave the house, or is that insensitive too, in case they see someone who would be upset by their bump?

Several childless friends have told me they love seeing my updates about my kids. I have no idea if they are ttc, but they are allowed to post about it if they want to share, and I can either comment with support or scroll past if I don't feel it is appropriate for me to comment.

Just because you feel a huge pain, doesn't mean other people don't feel their smaller pain.

RubyGates · 08/04/2013 09:44

YABU. And I say that as someone who went through 5 miscarriages and a pregnancy full of daily injections between DS1 and DS2.

glossyflower · 08/04/2013 09:48

Personally for me it's irrelevant of the topic but I find some people's facebook updates generally intolerable!
I hate reading about someone who has found the most amazing gf ever, all loved up, posting pics of them together in embrace then the next week they have broken up ex gf is a major bitch, or how much someone has spent on their next exotic holiday, or asking should they go see Madonna in concert two days in a row....
You get my drift.
I just hide these people.
As for pregnancy updates, I don't mind the odd update but a daily feed can be annoying.
With my pregancy, it's my first, I have not put up my scan pictures because its something personal to us.
Anybody who I want to see it I will show myself.
I have put up a couple of pictures of myself with growing baby bump but that's about all.
On the other hand, Facebook is a personal thing and sometimes I feel better for having a moan in my status to receive comments of support.

hairtearing · 08/04/2013 10:01

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vintageclock · 08/04/2013 10:23

Wow hairtearing, that's a bit aggressive.

OP I do see where you're coming from. People who go on and on and on about pregnancy or their new baby are at best boring and at worst can be a bit insensitive.
I work with someone who's just back after having a hysterectomy. Another girl is back from maternity leave and goes on and on non stop about the baby. I really think she should rein it in a bit in front of our other colleague and trying using a bit of tact and sensitivity.

That's not saying people should hide all evidence of their child, just stop and think a little bit about the other people present.

wintertimeisfun · 08/04/2013 10:35

op - you come over as an incredibly sensitive and thoughtful person and i thank you for that as people don't have to behave like that, most don't so i thank you for being kind and giving throught to people like myselt, thanks :) congratulations on having your baby

wintertimeisfun · 08/04/2013 10:38

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vintageclock · 08/04/2013 10:43

I agree. Calling people who can't have children and are very upset about it 'some miserable arse'. Really??

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/04/2013 10:45

Just hide them. FB has three types of people, those that think everyone is interested in what they are doing every minute of their life, those that just post occasionally and share with family and those that lurk and never post but you know they are looking as they mention in real life.

I cant abide those that do multiple posts re pregnancy like hey are the first woman to do it, their love for their other halfs or kids etc. Thankfully there is a hide or delete button. Its worse the more people you have so i tend to stick to close friends and family.

wintertimeisfun · 08/04/2013 10:45

just because you can doesn't mean you should. most people are average, some not nice but there are clearly a few really kind lovely ladies posting here, some clearly not but i thank the ones who are sensitive souls, whilst others are appear to be cold indifferent dismissive smug bags :)

my2centsis · 08/04/2013 10:46

I actually think you are the one being incensitive. People like u that winge behind others people's backs really piss me off. Unfriend them instead of backstabbing them ffs. A friend no matter their circumstances will be happy for their friend even if it hurts them a little. My parents live on the opposite side of the world to me and your saying I should not post photos and little comments here and there of my children so my parents can see them growing up because YOU find it boring? Hope I don't have anyone like you on my so called friends list

x2boys · 08/04/2013 10:47

i have an old face book friend who drones on constantlty makes posts about how marvellous she is her life her child etc i think she sounds like an arrogant twat and not the rather lovely girl i remember but there you go people posts all sorts!

vintageclock · 08/04/2013 10:50

my2

I don't think that's what the OP is saying. She's talking about people constantly posting every single minute detail of their pregnancy.

SoupDragon · 08/04/2013 10:54

YABU to expect people to contain their own joy and excitement on the off chance it may unknowingly upset someone.

If you find someone's newsfeed dull/upsetting/irritating just hide it.