To think posting about your pregnancy on social networks is insensitive?

[ivanapoo]

I don't mean the odd post here and there, I mean daily or more frequent updates/photos of scans, things you've bought or made for the baby, the "delicious" glass of Appletize you're enjoying, how sick you're feeling, how big your bump is, and so on ad infinitum?

Not only is it more boring than a parking thread on AIBU for all the friends in whose newsfeeds your updates appear, but for many women of childbearing age there's a good chance your peers/friends may be TTC, or unable to conceive, or wishing they had a partner to conceive with.

Almost as bad are the parents who detail every tiny little boring thing their child has done that day. I'm still waiting for someone to Instagram a picture of their baby's shitty nappy.

[glossyflower]

hair that's very harsh. I personally don't think babies are 'miracles' it's just purely and simply nature and normal life.
You wouldn't call digesting food a miracle would you? No it's a normal day to day thing and every person in the world deals with it without making it known to everyone's mother and their dog.
And OP is not asking you to hide evidence of your child just that the way you harp on about it is blimming boring.

[wintertimeisfun]

i feel the same as kitchen

[snuffaluffagus]

YANBU. There is a difference between the occasional lovely photo/comment about your pregnancy or baby, and an avalanche of multiple messages about it.

But yes, the best thing you can do is hide the offending person's updates from your newsfeed.

[ShabbyChit]

As someone who has been TTC for 3.5 years and currently waiting for IVF, I would say YABU.
Most of my friends and relatives are parents already or are pregnant are constantly posting pictures and updates about their pregnancy/babies.

I do get times when my heart initially sinks, wishing it could be me but I still feel happy for them and enjoy seeing updates on their progress etc. It's a great way to keep informed.

If people didn't post things about their own life in case it offended some of their Facebook friends, there'd be nothing to post about!
I mainly post about doing things with my family, husband and dog. Yes my dog is my life
Should I stop in case I offend my unmarried/single friends who have lost their dogs?

If anyone starts constantly posting bollocks and becomes boring to me I either hide them from my newsfeed or unfriend them. simple.

[ShabbyChit]

Oh, and meant to add....if I am lucky enough to become pregnant, I will be shouting it from the rooftops on FB once I am ready to announce to the world, and I will be one of those people who posts pictures of my growing bump, what the nursery looks like and I imagine almost daily pics/updates of my baby because it will be the most important thing in my life. I understand it won't be the most important thing in everyone else's life, but if they dont like it they can delete me!
I wouldn't consider someone who wasn't happy for me to be a real friend anyway!

[vintageclock]

It's not about someone 'not being happy' for you Shabby. But when someone can't have children and really wants them it can be very upsetting for them when yet another friend happily announces her good news - and yes, of course they have every right to be happy and tell everyone they're pregnant - but that doesn't mean that someone who can't share in that happiness is not a real friend. That's quite an unfair remark.

[Kewcumber]

where does posting updates about my child fit? I'm infertile and he was adopted, have I suffered sufficiently to be able to share my current good fortune willy nilly on fb?

[honeytea]

YABU. It took 2 years of ttc before I got pregnant with my ds, I did have times when it was hard looking at facebook and seeing another pregnancy anouncement but I didn't wish they wouldn't post.

Now my ds has been born I post at least one photo of him a day on facebook, I live in a different country to all my family and I like the casual contact that facebook allows, sure I could e-mail the photos but that in a way seems too formal.

The only friend I worry about is a dear friend who lost her son to sids last year, she has had a daughter and she posts photos of her lovely little girl almost as often as I post photos of my ds, my son looks alot like her ds and I wonder if it is hard for her but she often writes lovely comments.

[MurkyMinotaur]

This is interesting. I've been wondering how to feel both happy for pregnant friends and sad for infertile and bereaved friends.

Upon the birth of one friend's baby, another very excited pregnant friend wrote that it was her own turn next. I would have imagined it would be kind to let the attention be focused on the new Mum only that day, but the new Mum seemed to enjoy sharing with her.

Meanwhile, another friend posts a brilliant link about what infertility feels like. It's such a mixture of feeling and circumstance. One person complains of pregnancy sickness, another childless person grieves her stillborn babies...

I wonder whether the deciding factor, regarding whether it's insensitive or not, is what the person's attitude is in RL. Are they self-consumed or considerate in RL? Do they talk more than they listen in RL?

I think people here are right that facebook is self-promotion by its nature - that's a real eye-opener to me, thanks! In real life it's naturally easier to be happy for someone who cares about other people's various complex and different circumstances. And likewise it would be easier to resent someone who seems self-absorbed. Since all facebook seems self-absorbed by its nature, perhaps looking at RL character and attitudes is the answer?

[hairtearing]

Why has my post been deleted? its wasn't aggressive at all tbh,

I hate this bitching behind peoples backs mentality just unfriend/hide.
I have had fertility issues in the past, I still completely disagree with the OP I thinks its awful tbh. Its not just people TTC though is it? we live in a completely child intolerant society.

[hairtearing]

First time motherhood is exciting though you will never get that time back, when you're well entrenched in nappies and that novelty had gone.

Asking someone to curb that joy for someone else I think is cruel and cheeky tbh.

[glossyflower]

hair telling OP to fuck off is not aggressive or offensive then?!!

[Kewcumber]

I do find scan photos a bit painful even now. it reminds me of what I can't have. but I don't begrudge people sharing it on fb. I find peoples real life responses way more difficult to deal with to be honest - how its sooooo much easier to adopt than give birth is one of my personal favorites.

[vintageclock]

Hair

You can disagree with someone without being downright nasty. Telling someone to 'fuck off' and saying that someone who can't conceive and finds it upsetting when someone else goes on and on about their pregnancy is a 'miserable arse' is very offensive, insensitive, rude and pretty unacceptable behaviour, in my view.

[hairtearing]

I didn't call peope who can't concieve miserable arses I meant people who whinge about 'mum updates' I probably didn't make that clear and thats my fault.

The swearing, not so much people swear on here all the time calling people twats etc. you can't have it both ways.

[glossyflower]

I would never call people a twat on here or tell them to fuck off just because I don't agree with their opinion.
And I wouldn't do so in real life either so you are being very rude and maybe should apologise to OP?

[vintageclock]

I agree. You really should apologise. Maybe you didn't intend for your post to come across as being so rude and offensive but it really did read very badly.
I think the only time it might be excusable to tell someone to fuck off on here is if you've been extremely provoked. But opening a post with that phrase simply because you disagree with the OP is pretty aggressive.

[amykateox]

You are very selfish. I put every small thing online because I was extremely proud of my son. Every new thing he does is a new achievement and a new step into his development and I put it online for all my friends/family to see. If you hate it so much, then why are you on here when a lot of people talk about their children?

[hairtearing]

Well you're an exception, a lot of people do and never bother with an apology,
There's a thread with someone who's slagged off a child's appearance and people are laughing along and encouraging it, tbh I think that's worse, but cliqueyness states otherwise apparently.
I'm sorry for offending the OP but I stand by my opinion.

[Iggi101]

Wintertimeisfun - just wanted to say how measured and thoughtful your responses have been. Very interesting to read.

[Iggi101]

Amykateox - so if you don't put everything online, it means you aren't proud of your dcs? Odd opinion.

[glossyflower]

hair that's fine each to their own but don't be surprised next time when your comments are taken down.

amy selfish is not how I would describe OP. Fact is some people think the world of their own DC but listening incessantly about other people's is just plain boring.

[vintageclock]

How is the OP being selfish? She's not talking about herself, she's saying she thinks a constant stream of talk and photos re pregnancy and new babies can be upsetting for other people who can't have children.

[ShabbyChit]

vintageclock if you read my first post, you'd see I am one of those people who can't have children so maybe I 'should' be offended by these kind of Facebook things.
To me, a friend is someone who cares for me and is happy for me. If a friend wasn't happy for me when i finally got something I had wanted my whole life, I wouldn't consider them a real friend. I don't think that's unfair?

[wintertimeisfun]

kew couldn't have put it better. iggi thanks!