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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think posting about your pregnancy on social networks is insensitive?

209 replies

ivanapoo · 07/04/2013 18:59

I don't mean the odd post here and there, I mean daily or more frequent updates/photos of scans, things you've bought or made for the baby, the "delicious" glass of Appletize you're enjoying, how sick you're feeling, how big your bump is, and so on ad infinitum?

Not only is it more boring than a parking thread on AIBU for all the friends in whose newsfeeds your updates appear, but for many women of childbearing age there's a good chance your peers/friends may be TTC, or unable to conceive, or wishing they had a partner to conceive with.

Almost as bad are the parents who detail every tiny little boring thing their child has done that day. I'm still waiting for someone to Instagram a picture of their baby's shitty nappy.

OP posts:

lljkk · 07/04/2013 19:34

It's a bit boring to share much detail (I knew a lady who showed off pix of her child's poo explosion ). So I'm kind of half yanbu, because anyone who posts huge detail is being a certain kind of insensitive. But easy enough to adjust your newsfeed, no?

IvorHughJangova · 07/04/2013 19:35

YABU. How do you know that they've not struggled to get there, that their pride isn't influenced by the same feelings that you're suggesting they trample on in their joy? My DS is my miracle babe, my only child and the only child I will ever have. No one but DH and a few very close family members know what I have been through to have him and it's pretty horrible to think that someone else would begrudge me my happiness. If someone's facebook posts bore/offend you, block. You sound far too thin-skinned for social networks.

SuffolkNWhat · 07/04/2013 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetiepie1979 · 07/04/2013 19:36

Of course your all right you should and can celebrate its just a matter of thinking of others feelings a little bit I think. Taste tactfulness, But I certain ly won't be announcing after my friend has miscarried but even if she hadn't I think been aware of others issues and I think it is a private sort of thing pregnancy anyway . But if I got an amazing new job I wouldn't announce it via Facebook either it's all a bit showy and boastful.

comedycentral · 07/04/2013 19:39

YABU and silly

HollyBerryBush · 07/04/2013 19:39

YABU. People have lives, they shouldn't have to hide a normal everyday occurrence in case it offends someone.

If someone finds their pregnant 'friend' offensive, they should have the decency to tell them why they are so offensive and defriend them to save their own sensibilities.

starfield · 07/04/2013 19:40

I agree with you but facebook is essentially self-promotion anyway. And you're not coming across as very gracious either!

sweetiepie1979 · 07/04/2013 19:43

Yes at the end of the day Starfield has hit the nail on the head, Facebook is self promotion and if that offends you have to come off it that's what I did.

Rosduk · 07/04/2013 19:44

We lost our newborn son last year. It's like someone has stabbed me in the heart everytime a friend posts a newborn pic, however, I just hide the post if it's too upsetting.

CornflowerB · 07/04/2013 19:46

But this is the whole problem with Facebook. In RL we share different amounts of information in different ways with the different people in our lives. We filter it according to the person you are communicating with, or at least you do if you any ounce of sensitivity. So you might share the details of your pregnancy with your mum or you best friend, but not with your infertile friend. But on Facebook it's just blah blah blah look at meeee everyone! Everyone seems to imagine that their life is some kind of interesting film. It's not! Most people's lives are really boring, apart from to their mum/ best friend etc! So save the detail for them. I loathe it so much. Just stop showing off everyone and learn a bit of discretion.

ChairmanWow · 07/04/2013 19:48

I'm 50:50 on this. On the one hand I think a pregnancy announcement, scan photos and the odd update are fine, plus obvs some newborn pics but I've also had a couple of friends describe everything in minute detail and it's so bloody tedious and irritating. I've been through a miscarriage so know how hurtful these updates can be. I also have friends who after 5 years haven't conceived and I feel awkward referring to pregnancy/kids. But they usually 'like' or comment on my posts. I've just had my second child and yes, every tiny thing they do is miraculous and amazing but not to anyone else.

On the other hand this is the kind of shit FB is about for a lot of people. Think of the friends who post updates like 'just had a lovely roast dinner. Time for a snooze'. It's full of mundane bollocks. Hide this person if they're getting on your tits. If you comment on it negatively it will reflect badly on you, even if it's what everyone else is thinking.

JaquelineHyde · 07/04/2013 19:54

This is like saying no one can ever talk about or post pictures of wedding plans, engagements or wedding days just incase someone they know may be having marital or relationship problems or suffereing with loneliness etc.

What a ridiculous thing to expect.

Iamsparklyknickers · 07/04/2013 19:55

You sound over sensitive - which is understandable if you're having fertility issues yourself but YABU.

We can't help our feelings, but truely we have to direct them elsewere if it's our issue. Hide the posts, come on here and have a rant, but don't expect the world to spin at your speed.

If you are having problems, I wish you the best and hope that you're soon the one posting incessently from your happy little bubble.

Crawling · 07/04/2013 20:00

Yabu I find updates about developmental milestones upsetting as I have a sn dd who hasnt hit most of them. Everything is upsetting to someone.

EuroShaggleton · 07/04/2013 20:02

I think it's all about moderation. Some pregnant women/new mothers go completely overboard and it is frankly dull as fuck as well as hurtful to some readers.

Like rabbit if I had become pregnant easily, I would probably have posted about it thoughtlessly. Now I feel like it would be showing off photos of my diamond shoes to a group of people who may be struggling to feed themselves. I have just mc'd my first pregnancy and gave some thought about how I would deal with announcing it, and I concluded I'd just tell people IRL as late as possible and keep it off FB as much as possible. FWIW, because I have been open about my infertility, I have become aware that three of my female FB friends have had IVF too - that's out of 100 or so FB friends, many of whom are male. So there is a good chance that those of you posting scan updates and so on have a few sobbing friends on the other side of your computer screens.

roastednut · 07/04/2013 20:14

It is a difficult one. We are facing the prospect of not having kids due to infertility and whilst I don't begrudge friends announcements some times its a bit OTT. I have a friend who has literally posted every aspect of her pregnancy, think 'photo behind tree just showing bump' and the like. But whilst I wouldn't post as much as she has (coz its dull as fk) I think I'm just jealous tbh. I don't like scan photos much, and I'd like to think I'd be pretty sensitive if it were to happen to us now, but I can't say I'd hide it on fb if I were to get some good news.

It is so hard. Sometimes I wish I could just leave fb altogether but I'm just too nosey perhaps

StephaniePowers · 07/04/2013 20:17

I am very happy for pregnant people to post, but I find it nearly impossible to look at scan pictures, having had a the sad sort of scan where there is a definite baby but no heartbeat. Of course people post scan pictures at about the same stage of development (around nuchal scan time) and it floors me.
It was years ago, as well.
Unfortunately one comes across them all the time, I do wish people would think.

thermalsinapril · 07/04/2013 20:26

Facebook aside, it's the one-sidedness which can be upsetting, for someone faced with year after year of everyone else's pregnancies, never their own.

If those same friends are as sad for you as you are happy for them, then that's a good friendship. But if they expect you to revel in every detail of their own pregnancy while at the same time dismissing your own heartbreaking situation and giving you no time, then they're not a good friend.

MixedBerries · 07/04/2013 20:29

YABVU. This is life. Other people have babies. It's rather strange to want to ruin the joy for everyone else. Of course I feel for those who can't have them but it's a bit like someone in a wheelchair ranting about the gall of others to walk around using their legs!

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 07/04/2013 20:30

I like that Filibear, their joy is not your pain.

Yabu.

CognitiveOverload · 07/04/2013 20:31

Yabu. Let them celebrate.

crashdoll · 07/04/2013 20:34

YABU - lots of things are heartbreaking for lots of people.

thermalsinapril · 07/04/2013 20:35

Infertility is a bit like everyone else expecting you to enjoy watching them eat their birthday cake, when they know full well you've been hoping it will be your birthday one year, but it never is.

They clearly expect you to show great enthusiasm and attention (and get rather snippy if you can't manage it) yet often show no reciprocal interest in your own situation.

Instead they say "cake isn't really that great anyway" - so why did they choose it themselves?

Or they tell you not to be bitter and you can't always have what you want - easy to say when you're one of the lucky ones, isn't it?

BlackMaryJanes · 07/04/2013 20:43

Infertility is a bit like everyone else expecting you to enjoy watching them eat their birthday cake, when they know full well you've been hoping it will be your birthday one year, but it never is.

:( That is so sad, and true.

LooseyMy · 07/04/2013 20:45

YABU. You could say it is insensitive of people to post their weddings pictures/updates, to people who are divorced or who have lost partners or are in abusive relationships (or people like me who have given up hope of ever having a loving relationship- forever alone!).

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