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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to move to Dudley?

146 replies

williaminajetfighter · 06/04/2013 16:32

I was recently offered a very well-paid job in the Black Country but ended up turning it down because I just couldn't imagine myself living there. I drove around the area and found it, well, depressing and I couldn't imagine myself living there. No offense to anyone around there - sometimes people 'jive' with a place and sometimes they don't. And I'm not a huge fan of commuting - for lots of reasons - so didn't want to have to live 45/60 minutes away from work.

My DH always brings it up and thinks I made a mistake, particularly as the salary was so much more than I'm on now. I feel horrible about the whole thing so would appreciate if people told me I was (a) crazy to give up the job or (b) made the right decision.

OP posts:

CajaDeLaMemoria · 06/04/2013 16:35

Nobody can tell you that.

If you went to the effort to explore the area and hated it, you more than likely made the right choice for you. Money doesn't buy happiness at the end of the day, being somewhere you hate would make you utterly miserable.

There's no point rueing the decision now, and your DH is being very mean to keep bringing it up. Forget it - there will be other great opportunities, and you need to wait for the right one for you. It doesn't sound like Dudley was it.

lavendersgreen · 06/04/2013 16:36

YABU.. where do you live at the moment?

getmeoutofthismadhouse · 06/04/2013 16:38

Dudley isnt the best place it is pretty miserable and I live there . Unless u look further out into nicer areas of course. But I guess anywhere you go there is areas that aint as nice as others!

HormonalHousewife · 06/04/2013 16:39

Eh ?

You are currently 45- 60 mins away from the best paid job you have ever had ? That's not a big deal in my book.

Would you have to have done nursery pick ups by yourself or would your dh have helped ?

Personally I think your dh was right and you were (a)

sleepdodger · 06/04/2013 16:40

Dudley is hideous yanbu
But
Loads of gorgeous places within 30 mins so you're not unreasonable but perhaps a little hasty to not consider alternative places locally without a hefty commute
Only you could decide!

Floggingmolly · 06/04/2013 16:44

45 to 60 minutes is a fairly average commute, is it not?
You're living in a fantasy world if you imagine your dream job is going to appear on your door step.

Original poster

williaminajetfighter · 06/04/2013 16:44

DH travels a lot for work so I'm responsible for all pickup and drop off at school. It's just too crazy being far away from schools especially if there's an emergency. I've spent so much of my life commuting I really prefer to live locally for work and like the idea of having a community where I live and work.

I'm in the SE which has its pros and cons...

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 06/04/2013 16:45

I commuted to the Black Country from Worcestershire. I am not a fan of Dudley and can see your point, but there are other places that are ok not too far away.

But it's all in the past now, you turned it down and your DH should stop bringing it up.

Original poster

williaminajetfighter · 06/04/2013 16:45

flogging a huge %ge of people wouldn't even leave their hometown to find another job and have travelled around the country for work, so not averse to move to find 'dream job.' I was just trying to work out if I made a mistake with this one...

OP posts:

Original poster

williaminajetfighter · 06/04/2013 16:46

...I have travelled around...

OP posts:

AdmiralCurtain · 06/04/2013 16:49

I live in Wall Heath Village bordering Staffordshire and Shropshire but classed under Dudley borough. We have excellent primaries and 2 of the best secondary schools in the area. Minutes from the countryside but close enough to Wolverhampton. Telford, Birmingham and Merry Hill for shopping. I don't think you drove around enough.

BonnieBlueButler · 06/04/2013 16:57

I agree with Admiral. Dudley is fine, there are some nice areas & there are some great places all very close by. Lovely countryside & great shopping in Birmingham both within easy reach.

AdmiralCurtain · 06/04/2013 16:58

And there are many more nice areas that are nothing like Dudley nearby too

AdmiralCurtain · 06/04/2013 17:01

Sorry Bonnie x posted

Original poster

williaminajetfighter · 06/04/2013 17:13

Okay - thanks for everyone's messages. Fear I'm just creating a bunfight here... I probably should have travelled around a bit more.

A hindsight is 20/20 isn't it?

OP posts:

Longdistance · 06/04/2013 17:23

On a positive note.... As one door closes, another shall open.... And all that.

Southeastdweller · 06/04/2013 17:34

Apart from the money, would the job have been stimulating? If so then yes, you were mad not to have taken it. I'm from the region and though I agree the town isn't nice, I would have put up with the commute, at least for a while. There would also have been the option of moving to a better village or city or town close to Dudley, like Kidderminster or Stourbridge.

Original poster

williaminajetfighter · 06/04/2013 17:38

Yes, job would have really been interesting but I didn't think organization was in good financial shape and funny enough they cut 1/3 of their staff recently. I may have been first in/first out.

It paid 50k, i'm on 44k, so a fairly good job but once you're taxed at that level it takes a big jump to make a difference.

thx for everyone's feedback.

OP posts:

slalomsuki · 06/04/2013 17:41

I think it was a short sighted mistake to be honest. 10 mins from Dudley you. An be in Staffordshire or Shropshire or rural west midlands and you get real bang for your buck house wise. Commuting is fairly easy in to Dudley and it's well paced for Ltd of big towns and cities with all the amenities of London but cheaper.

I speak from experience here as someone who has moved around a bit and though the same about Dudley when it was suggested to me but am now a big fan of the area.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2013 17:51

IMO, the decision that you made (and it is made, cannot be unmade) is not the problem here. The problem is that your DH keeps bringing it up and making you feel that you made the wrong decision. Why is he doing that? What input did he make to the decision, e.g. did he research the area, schools local to Dudley, etc. etc.? Was he keen for you to take the job prior to you turning it down, and what reasons did he give for his keenness?

If you had taken the job, you'd presumably have had to move house, DC move schools. What hand was he going to take in that?

georgie22 · 06/04/2013 17:53

I second slalomsuki - I'm a Black Country girl and despite some dodgy areas we're very happy living here. We obviously have the benefit of local knowledge but the people round here are generally great. We can be in the country in 5 minutes and take advantage of the proximity to Birmingham for shopping, concerts etc. and also rural areas. Lots of people in Dudley do a 45 minute commute into Birmingham every day so can't see why that is a particular issue. Can't see that we'll ever move especially as we're in the catchment of outstanding primary and secondary schools.

sarahtigh · 06/04/2013 19:21

i was born about 4 miles from Dudley and would not live there although some nice streets but there are some nicer places like himley (rural village)that are only 15 minutes away maybe 30 in rush hour, wombourne is also nice

dudley is on edge of black country so literally within 2-3 miles / 10 minutes you are in proper countryside farmland etc and going west it is rural for miles and miles

sleepdodger · 06/04/2013 19:28

All I would say if you have option to take job still is 50k in mids seems like significantly more than London ie housing etc

MarmaladeTwatkins · 06/04/2013 20:31

YABU and YANBU

Dudley IS grim. Went to their "art gallery" last week and it was like something from Father Ted

However, you'd have only needed to drive 20 minutes the other way and found some really nice places.

lucylawless11 · 06/04/2013 20:55

Im a brummie but live just outside dudley now and i love it, friendly people and good links from m5 motorway, also cheaper house and ar insurance than i was paying in brum. I live right next to the canal and have geese waiting for me outside in a morning as they know they are going th get some bread, love it.

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