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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

241 replies

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 11:38

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

OP posts:

snuffaluffagus · 30/03/2013 11:42

I would just ignore them myself!

scottishtablet · 30/03/2013 11:44

Other children's noise is much louder and harder to put up with than your own. Personally, it would have to be absolutely unbearable for me to actually to come round and complain to you, so I think YABU.

EmmelineGoulden · 30/03/2013 11:44

Ignore. Don't stress. They ABU. Try and get everyone a nap today.

If you're feeling vindictive put the bounce and spin zebra.

Hope your DD feels better soon.

EmmelineGoulden · 30/03/2013 11:44

...put the bounce and spin zebra back.

InNeedOfBrandy · 30/03/2013 11:45

I would tell them to fuck off tbh, it doesn't sound unreasonable and it's not every night/morning so yes tell them oh do fuck off in your poshest voice. Oh and I wouldn't take anything bar drum kits/instruments out of my dcs bedroom.

SamuelWestsMistress · 30/03/2013 11:45

They need to do some good old fashioned fucking of off.

One reason I'm very glad I don't have neighbours. We're a noisy family too, so they'd have fun if we moved in next to them.

nosleeps · 30/03/2013 11:46

Are they making any noise with their renovations?

specialsubject · 30/03/2013 11:47

I'm with you on this one - you took out the noisy toy (as you should) but kids do scream at unsocial hours and it something everyone just has to live with. That's why they need to get a move on and finish the other bedroom.

they can also look into better sound insulation on their side.

zwischenzug · 30/03/2013 11:49

Playing loudly in the early hours is not acceptable with neighbours on the other side of the wall. Playing quietly is not unreasonable. Young children do wake up wailing so that's not unreasonable either.

ToupOfRegDwight · 30/03/2013 11:50

She's a child! If it was you making the noise it'd be understandable, but to complain about a playing toddler?! Twats.

soupmaker · 30/03/2013 11:50

Goodness. The walls must be very thin and your DD must be very, very noisy. Have you explained to them that she is unwell? Your neighbours don't appear very understanding but I know from experience that other folks noise at night can drive a person demented. Mind you your neighbours aren't living downstairs from an alcoholic who plays very loud music and has shouting matches with his drinking buddies. I'd do abject apologies and carry on as you are!

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 11:51

She's playing loudly at 5am, then banging her head against the wall, they knock at 8 and you're the one complaining about noise?

You both need to take a step back and see it was rough night and tempers are probably frayed on both sides.

undercoverSAHM · 30/03/2013 11:51

Oh dear, I am not surprised they were fed up at being kept awake at night BUT they should realise that it's not deliberate and they were being unreasonable to then (?deliberately) wake you up in the mornings to complain. YANBU and there doesn't seem to be a lot more you can do. They WNBU to be tired and grumpy but they WBVU to take it out on you and to demand you move everything out of your DD's room!!! I assume that some sympathy from them for your plight would have been much nicer and made you even more likely to take care of their peace and quiet (although luckily you are already such a nice soul that you have done your best anyway). Put it behind you. Neighbour disputes are tedious and counter productive. But try not to worry about kowtowing to their every whim. Be politely apologetic, explain you do as much as you can and say good bye. You could ask them not to knock on your door before 9 at weekends too (or whatever time suits).

PS Tempting as it may be to some posters DON'T escalate it by encouraging noise etc (you don't sound like that anyway ). It's best to get along with everyone in life.

Original poster

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 11:55

They're making noise in the evenings and weekends with their renovations, but it's fine. I don't understand what's taking so fucking long mind you, I redecorated DD's bedroom, including taking out two enormous seventies built in wardrobes, stripping wood chip, skimming one wall, papering, painting, taking up laminate, painting the floorboards and building a shit load of furniture, by myself because DH is a lazy fucker, in two weeks. And I was six months pregnant at the time.

Maybe the solution is for them to keep an eye on my DCs while I go and finish their renovations for them.

OP posts:

DeadWomanWalking · 30/03/2013 11:58

I'd counteract it with everytime you hear them make a noise, banging of a door or whatever. You go round the next morning at 8am, ring their doorbell and complain. Once you've done it several times they'll soon get fed up. I think they're cheeky buggers, they want to try living next door to my neighbours who play drum and bass at 3am whenever it takes their fancy. If they do have children karma will get them.

Original poster

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 11:58

She wasn't knocking her head against the adjoining wall. In fact, I have covered the adjoining wall in her room with large, insulating pieces of furniture. I don't get it personally. There's a massive rug on the floor as well, so it's not like she's banging around on the floorboards.

Tbh, we have no kind of relationship with them, so I guess I'll just carry on with the faint smiles and waves whenever I see them. I wouldn't encourage DD to make noise, but I am going to really hope they have noisy fuckers when they eventually spawn. I can happily sleep through someone else's child screaming.

OP posts:

Surrealistrhinoceros · 30/03/2013 11:58

We have four and six year olds and llive next to eight, seven and three year old boys. Never so relieved as when I saw the drum kit moving in

Sometimes we hear their eight year old doing drum practice, sometimes they hear my SN six year old having a meltdown ... Is normal life and nothing you've described sounds outwith that. Smile, apologise and get on with your day. I expect the renovations aren't exactly silent?

PainForLife · 30/03/2013 12:04

you are not being unreasonable to be cross... they are being shitty neighbour's. we had some very loud neighbour's for about 3 years ago. they never once apologized for the noise once! in my book ur already a good neighbour for apologizing [busmile]

scottishtablet · 30/03/2013 12:05

Maybe you don't get it because a) you aren't them and b) aren't in their house?

It's absolutely shit having noisy neighbours.

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 12:06

Do you own your house? Because if you take the advice on here and escalate it into a neighbour dispute, that has to be declared when you try to sell.

If you do encourage zebra bouncing at stupid o'clock, don't be surprised if they call the SS on you for neglect or some such - amazing what can be drummed up if you've a mind to piss someone off.

Original poster

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 12:11

I expect they'll move before we do, and I'm not about to escalate anything. Mind you, we're already known to SS (looooooong story) and they think we're freaking awesome.

I don't think we're particularly noisy. DH plays piano, they asked us to keep it down, we bought a new, silent piano. That's it on noise complaints. I have friends with kids who are up for the day, loudly, at five am. And scream for two hours before going to bed. We haven't even had a party for three fecking years.

OP posts:

PickledInAPearTree · 30/03/2013 12:12

Mmmmmm you did move the zebra but I have to say we lived next to neighbours that let their children play loudly in the nights and it was horrific.

You can't do anything about noise like crying and general living but loud playing I would keep downstairs in the small hours I have to say.

If they are moving rooms anyway is probably leave it there as it should resolve itself.

Just made a note to never ever buy a bounce n spin zebra!

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 12:13

Everyone has the right to enjoy their own home - that said, there has to be a degree of tolerance each way.

TooMuchRain · 30/03/2013 12:14

It is really tough having noisy neighbours, personally I wouldn't complain if i knew the neighbour was trying to be considerate though or it was something that just couldn't be helped like a crying baby. But I think you do have a duty to try and prevent your DD waking your neighbours even if it means you have to get up earlier than you would like.

Callisto · 30/03/2013 12:15

I'd have been pretty pissed off at being kept awake all night by screaming and banging. It makes no difference to your neighbours that your child is ill - why should they care, really? And you being pissed off with them for knocking on the door at 8am (perfectly reasonable time in my house whether or not it's a weekend) when you've kept them awake all night is ridiculous.

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