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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

241 replies

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 11:38

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

OP posts:

higgle · 30/03/2013 13:16

Not a good idea to fall out with your neighbours if you can avoid it - it could escalate and cause all sorts of problems. If you own your property and want to sell you will be asked about disputes with neighbours so I'd keep it low key, sympathise and be polite but how much you do is up to you.

SoupDreggon · 30/03/2013 13:17

YABU.

Both of you

You are happy for your DD to wake everyone up at silly o'clock by playing loudly yet whine about them coming round at 8.

Both of you are being intolerant.

digerd · 30/03/2013 13:23

I had the same thought as skinny, that YABU marrying a useless lazy DH who let you do all that amazing DIY at 6 moths pregnant < hat off to you being able to do it>.
As for your neighbours, have they apologised for any disturbance to you and little ones that you may suffer from their renovations?

When my DD moved in to her new house, her attached , lovely, neighbour, apologised if she was disturbed by her 2year-old's screaming during the day/early /early morning as she was going through the terrible 2 tantrum stage.
She should have had sympathy for your sick child, as one of the posters mentioned her neighbour did.

WestieMamma · 30/03/2013 13:28

I noticed that the OP says the room is bare floor boards with a big rug. I wonder if this is making the problem worse? The only room in our house which is carpeted is my daughter's room because the noise levels were intolerable, and they are much louder echoing in the next room (ours) than in hers.

SneakyNinja · 30/03/2013 13:32

In regards to the crying, yanbu. We have a particularly >ahem< precious DS who does NOT respond well to being ill at night . I feel very sorry for our neighbours but there is literally nothing we can do. Luckily it doesn't happen often and we have yet to receive any complaints

The playing loudly however is something that can be helped. Yabu not to do all you can to prevent pissing off your neighbours. Shock, horror you may have to get up earlier but that's parenting for you.

Bridgetbidet · 30/03/2013 13:32

YABU. YABU particularly unreasonable because you think it is fine for your daughter to wake the neighbours up during the night but you seem to think it is completely unreasonable for them to wake you up at a fairly reasonable hour in the morning.

Is there some kind of reason that you think your sleep is more precious than theirs? Can you explain why exactly you don't expect to treat your neighbours the way you want to be treated yourself? Why is it okay for your family to wake them up but not for them to wake you?

To be honest if I had a neighbour who thought that it was okay for their family to wake me up all through the night but then when I called to remonstrate complained that we had woken them I'd be absolutely fuming, it's beyond rude.

Neighbours need to be understanding that sometimes children are ill. However allowing your child to play with noisy toys in the early hours is not. Allowing your child to bang their head on the wall when you know that the neighbours are being disturbed is not on.

Leaving a music box playing and a sick child wailing on their own in the middle of the night when your neighbours have already told you that they are being disturbed is not on.

Blimey, you sound REALLY entitled. I seriously cannot believe you have the nerve to complain that your family is woken up when you seem to think it's fine for your family to keep the neighbours up all night when it suits you.

livingdownunder · 30/03/2013 13:33

There are vids on youtube of the toy in action so yabu to have allowed that at 5am and I'd be asking for it to be removed also.
Head banging on a party wall is also annoying.
Sorry she's ill but 5am zebra bouncing is not on.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 30/03/2013 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Bridgetbidet · 30/03/2013 13:37

Sneakyninja that's the point though. Crying is unavoidable when you have a sick child. If the neighbour hear was complaining about unavoidable crying limited to a period when the child was sick then they would be bang out of order.

But they're not. They're complaining about regular noise when the child is well, completely avoidable noise caused by unnecessary toys which quite frankly shouldn't be in use outside daytime hours. And parents who think it's okay for them to have a lie in when their neighbours are being disturbed by their children playing unsupervised.

And on top of that the OP can't see why it's unreasonable to expect undisturbed sleep for her own family when it suits her but not extend the same courtesy to her neighbours.

StuntGirl · 30/03/2013 13:37

YAbothBU.

Noise from illness is unfortunate (for all involved!) but unavoidable.

But you need to stop your daughter being noisy in the mornings. I suspect, having lived next door to nightmare neighbours, that their tolerance level for noise has shot through the floor due to frequent disturbances, making them far more likely to fly off the handle at the smallest thing.

Longdistance · 30/03/2013 13:39

Oh just ignore them or tell them to fuck off and buy a detached house

50BalesOfHay · 30/03/2013 13:39

If a child is noisy in the night, for whatever reason, and you know that it disturbs your neighbours why not take the child into your room or downstairs?

WestieMamma · 30/03/2013 13:44

Holy crap, I've just looked at the toy in action on youtube. I'm not surprised your neighbours are complaining. I'd be livid at that racket in the middle of the night/early hours of the morning. When you say 'playing loudly' you really do mean it .

SneakyNinja · 30/03/2013 13:45

bridgetbidet I was agreeing with you. May have worded it strangely.

SneakyNinja · 30/03/2013 13:46

Longdistance That's some pretty varied advice there

jamdonut · 30/03/2013 13:47

just looked at the bounce and spin zebra on youtube...I wouldn't be very happy if my neighbour's kids were doing this in the early hours of the morning.

But then they make so much noise anyway,late into the night that they disturb my 16 year old, who is trying to revise for GCSE's.

But then, I guess, she gets her own back when she is practicing for her Grade 8 flute exam.

But the noise she makes is far more pleasant.[buwink]

FakeHotCrossLobsters · 30/03/2013 13:48

Have they complained about her crying in pain?

Or was it just about the noisy toys, music, loud play and wall head-butting noise?

Because to be fair to the neighbours, if she's playing loudly and banging about at that time in a morning, their first thought won't have been "listen to the poor sick child" but "WTF is that child doing with those toys and music boxes?"

The piano sounds unreasonable of them if it wasn't in the middle of the night, complaints about her crying in pain are unreasonable, complaints about loud toys and music at 5am are not.

And if you woke them at 5am, you can't really complain that they woke you at 8am.

I hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

CamillaMacaulay1 · 30/03/2013 13:54

The OP has already said that she has taken the bounce and spin zebra out of dd's room. Some children do get up very early and there is bugger all you can do about it.

PickledInAPearTree · 30/03/2013 13:56

You can take them to play downstairs though. If they like to play loudly.

My DS is getting up at five at the moment and I wouldn't take his noisy toys upstairs.

diddl · 30/03/2013 13:57

That toy is horrendous!

Is it even safe for a 3yr old?

Looks as if it needs nailing down!

BooCanary · 30/03/2013 14:00

I'd ignore them.

I can see it from both sides as prior to DCs we moved into the room next to our neighbours (semi) whilst rennovating. It drove us mad. If it wasn't their son waking us up playing loud music on the weekend (back in the days when we could actually have lie ins), it was the father waking us up 5.30am on a weekday going to work.

We never complained. Took the view that our neighbours were generally nice and kind, and we didn't want to make a fuss. Fast forward 10 years, their son has left home and they have retired, and now we are the noisy ones! DD is up at 6 playing in her room and god knows what they think about my fishwife/banshee parenting style . They have never complained although have laughed about the fact that DD sounds like she's being murdered at bath time .

As long as you feel you are not being unreasonable, and generally do what you can (within reason) to keep the noise down, then ignore.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 30/03/2013 14:00

Diddl It's 12 months+ I am sure!

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2013 14:06

Your DC screams and plays in the early hours of course they're going to complain, I've had this and it's horrific, I thought I was going demented through lack of sleep.

Gowever it sounds like they're noisy too just at different times. Can you take your DD into your room all night when she's ill?

diddl · 30/03/2013 14:06

I meant safe as in is 3yrs old too big?

Just looked on youtube & a 20month old was bouncing & the green base kept lifting up!

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 30/03/2013 14:09

Ahhh okay, understand you now.

I think it's meant to be until 2 years but I didn't even think it was steady enough for DS at 12 months, we tried it in soft play though so it might have taken a bit of a beating before we got to it!

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