To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

[MummytoMog]

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

I would remove her really noisy toys, I think them complaining about a musical mobile (if thats what you mean) is a bit anal on their part. At 3 she should understand, if shes not ill, that early playing should be quiet - I would get her into that routine as early as possible (says she who has a 12 year old screaming on xbox live!)

As its a 1930s house I would assume sturdily built - I suspect the crux of their ill humour is that their decorating was not as easy as they anticipated. I would ask them, next time they come around how much longer they are planning to spend on decorating one room as you are finding it disruptive

I dont think expecting your child to spend some time amusing herself early in the morning is unforgivable - its one of the reasons my children are not high maintenance all the time.

Im sure when she is ill you do what you can, but sometimes there is just nothing you can do to comfort them is there.

You might think it's appropriate but your neighbours will obviously disagree, I would too.

And DS' illness started out as an ear infection, there's no way I would have left him during that, that is proper pain. He doesn't like our bed either so we got up, went to the sitting room and rode it out.

You might know her better than anyone else but that doesn't mean you can leave her to piss your neighbours off, she's not their child and shouldn't have to put up with noise needlessly.

Tell them to buy some earplugs and not to sweat the small stuff!
These things happen, houses aren't soundproofed, children are not silent, life goes on!

Another thought is if you had blackout blinds and curtains keeping the room really dark this may help her sleep a little longer - we put in both as DS 2 woke up at the first hint of dawn and it helped massively

Yeah, what Blue says is a good suggestion, we had the gro blind, it just sticks on to the window.

If its 8am she wakes up, why aren't you getting unity her rather than leaving her to play loudly in her bedroom?

Past that stage but I can remembers cursing the lighter mornings.

DD does have blackouts in her room, we don't have them in ours which is probably partly why she doesn't settle in with us, and partly because she is too involved in thrashing about and kicking whoever is in bed with her. They are a godsend.

DD is a child who walks alone I'm afraid. She's a bit spectrummy, and I can assure you, has a quite clear preference for being left alone to settle. She was in a lot of pain, and beyond Calpol, a warm drink and a cuddle, there wasn't really anything I could do to stop it. DS on the other hand, would have me cuddle him all day if he could, and often spends the first half hour of the day tucked up in bed with us. DD has some delightful yellow antibiotics and will be right as rain in a day, at which point normal service (ie silence between 8.30pm and 8am) will resume.

The music box is the remains of her old mobile, it's very quite and shuts itself off after ten minutes. It's her sleep cue, and has been since she was born, so I'd be surprised if it had suddenly started bothering them. I think they were annoyed about the screaming, shouting, banging and singing. Which is fair enough. But as they could probably also hear her screaming "ear hurt, hurt ear, mummy ear hurt", a bit of sympathy when they came round to complain might have been nice, rather than a list of things which we were to remove from her bedroom until they move bedrooms again.

because we're lazy fuckers because DH works nights and I work late shifts. We're generally up by 8.30. At the weekends we stay in bed a bit later, probably until 9.30. One of us gets a lie on alternate weekend days. We aren't generally in bed before 1am.

Getting up with a young child is part and parcel of parenting.

Your daughter was shouting 'Ear hurt Mummy' , screaming, shouting, banging and singing and you left her on her own? Wow YABU, she was in pain and you left her to settle herself? [bushock]I hope she is feeling better today

Ignore them, they obviously need to move to a detached house or I'd kindly buy them some earplugs

But, but, she is your child not theirs. Why should they have to suffer the noise in the night and not you?

I'm sorry your DD is ill

Why can't your neighbour sleep in any room they like though?

It's their home!

Unless your DD has asthma could you carpet her room and put the rug on top of the carpet? Even a big rug isn't as good at sound proofing as a carpet

We've had to suffer it for years! EVERY morning at 6am we were woken by a 4, then 5, then 6 year old going into their parents room screaming (playing). We moved into the back room after a year, but could still hear them.

We used to stay with some friends who live in a Victorian 1930s terraced house, due to the fireplaces being joined, the noise echoed from next door and their kids waking us at 3/4/5am every time we stayed. Our friends bought us earplugs!

We had a baby, we moved to a detached house, our choice as we didn't want to disturb anyone I've we were disturbed.
however, the OPs neighbours need to appreciate it is not always going to be quiet.

*like we were disturbed

Drop them around sound ear plugs with a bottle of wine and explain that DD has been ill.

Some people like to make a career out of intolerence i used to be married to one of them Hope DD is better soon.

Before we moved to our current house we rented a 1930s house. We could hear things being plugged in and switched on, scraping plates after dinner etc. through the party wall. Noise actually seemed to travel more between the houses than between rooms in the same house.

Add message | Report | Message poster Popsie3 Sat 30-Mar-13 16:55:19
Your daughter was shouting 'Ear hurt Mummy' , screaming, shouting, banging and singing and you left her on her own? Wow YABU, she was in pain and you left her to settle herself? I hope she is feeling better today

Yep, all night. NO. Read all the posts, for heaven's sake. I don't think it's unreasonable to leave a child to settle themselves, when you're pretty sure they will do it within a few minutes, and otherwise won't do it at all. I would have no luck settling anyone else's children I'm sure, but I sure as hell know what to do with mine. I don't understand how people are making the leap to me leaving DD to howl the house down, without making any effort to stop it, from what I've posted.

I loathe carpet. The rug covers the whole floor, but can be thrown away when it gets grim and a new one bought for less than hundreds and without moving all the furniture out. I know it's not as sound proofing as carpet, but I'm not prepared to go back to carpets of dhoom with four cats and occasionally vomiting toddlers. And potties. Maybe when they're all house trained.

I can't hear a thing, apart from DIY and their tv from time to time, but only if I have mine off. I heard a party they had once, but it was pretty muted. There are adjoining fireplaces, but DD's is blocked up and has a bookcase in front of it.

DD is fine by the way, a bit muted, but not in pain particularly today.

All you need to do of take out the noisy toys really which you have. Shouting mummy my ear hurts can't be helped..

Maybe the zebra took them to the edge. Now that its gone things may calm down.

For me, the benchmark is if it's unavoidable noise or not. An ill child or a crying baby is imo unavoidable and just something you have to put up with (earplugs are great for this!). However, it seems that it's a bit more than that in OP's case. Noisy playing IS avoidable. If your child won't go back to bed, then I'm afraid you just have to get up and take your child downstairs and engage them in some quiet play. It's your child after all and it's not acceptable to just leave them to it in a room next to where your neighbours are trying to sleep.

I'm not surprised your neighbours complained OP. I think they were actually being quite kind waiting until 8am tbh, but find it rather amusing that you are actually complaining they woke you up. At least they waited until sociable hours to disturb you.

Just googled that zebra thing. Seriously OP, you actually let her play on that at 6am in a room adjoining where your neighbours were sleeping? It didn't occur to you that she would be disturbing them? They've obviously lost all tolerance and I don't blame them tbh.

God, people should really read the OP.

The neighbours have had a noisy night TWICE. Mostly the child sleeps. The op removed the toy when asked. She went in when the child made a noise. DO you want her to GAG the child in case she ever makes a noise?

I do not blame the OP for being arsey tbh, some people are really offensive and can't seem to take on simple details.