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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

241 replies

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 11:38

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

OP posts:

skinnywitch · 30/03/2013 12:18

I'd be more concerned that you married a useless. lazy bastard who lets his pregnant wife to all the work, if I were you.

Branleuse · 30/03/2013 12:19

my kids occasionally can be loud in the morning. I try and make them be quiet, but thank god my neighbours are ok with it, because theres not much i can do. I never complain about their noise though and they have parties sometimes or do DIY.

Unless you are detatched, youre going to hear neighbours sometimes. They are being unreasonable. Buy them some earplugs, and apologise to keep the peace but tell them youre doing what you can, and youd appreciate them stopping complaining about noise, and remind them that you never complain about theirs, and that youre just a normal family.

ZZZenEggain · 30/03/2013 12:20

when she is wick could she sleep in your room?

ZZZenEggain · 30/03/2013 12:21

sick

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 30/03/2013 12:21

Your neighbours are loons! Yes, noisy neighbours are awful, I've had my fair share of drunks and loud music players at 3am, but children playing is hardly that, is it?

I'd have been hard pushed to keep my cool if they'd rung my doorbell at 8am, particularly since it was pretty obvious that last night wasn't a regular occurrence. I'd have also had to point out that their renovation work was hardly the quietest and if they were going to get all petty, there are environmental health rules around noise in the evenings and at weekends but not around babies crying... It's normal, everyday noise.

PickledInAPearTree · 30/03/2013 12:22

I don't think the loud playing at night is the norm - I wouldn't let DS do it (not in a bedroom)

EldonAve · 30/03/2013 12:22

Buy them some earplugs

JackieTheFart · 30/03/2013 12:26

So she's three and this has been twice she has made enough noise to bother them?

Ignore them. I have three boys, so in the day we're not generally quiet (!) but they all sleep fairly well. When DS3 was teething and up all night crying, our neighbours asked if he was alright as they heard him and he's generally so quiet!

That is how they should be!

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 12:26

But it isn't a baby crying is it?

It's banging walls and bouncing on zebra (Im going to have to google that aren't I) at 5am and what is termed by the Op as 'playing loudly'.

Actually I think I might have leant on your doorbell at 5:01am if that sort of racket was going on, under the guise of neighbourliness, to see if a murder was being committed.

Reading back properly this isn't a one off incident - this has happened at least twice - the early morning noisy play the previous time was at 6am and a rocking horse was removed.

Kinda puts a different spin on what is acceptable noise levels and consideration

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 30/03/2013 12:31

What time does she usually wake up? Before I had children anything before about 7.30 was resolutely the middle of the night, and later at weekends . I wouldn't let my children make any real level of noise at that hour tbh (obviously can't be helped if they are ill).

eggsandwich · 30/03/2013 12:36

Just tell them, welcome to world of parenting, of which sleepless nights sometimes occur.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/03/2013 12:45

that is a loud toy

scottishtablet · 30/03/2013 12:50

Welcome to parenting? They aren't parents!

RobbinyoureastereggsSparkles · 30/03/2013 12:50

She's a child. She got up playing loudly but you put her back to bed.

What else are you supposed to do? Tie her to her bed? The crying during sickness and pain can't be helped - that's what childen do!

OP, if she's waking early I would probably try one of those clocks that show when it's morning (I think that they light up or something), set it for a certain time and say "DD you're only allowed to get out of bed when the clock says it's morning."

I'll try and find a link to what I mean.

CamillaMacaulay1 · 30/03/2013 12:55

All you can do is say you're sorry but you're doing everything you can (which it sounds like you are!) and if they keep on just ignore them - it is tough frankly. And tell them to stop coming round in the evening as they are making things worse. They have no right to keep on ringing your doorbell.

It comes down to the point that unless you can afford to live in a detached house then hearing the noise of others is inevitable, particularly if there is a child next door. It is not the same as, say a dog barking.

CamillaMacaulay1 · 30/03/2013 12:56

And, btw I don't live in a detached house and there is a dog barking one side and a guy coming in and out of his house making a lot of noise at 3am on the other...

Surrealistrhinoceros · 30/03/2013 12:58

Just pondering the loud playing: is it possible it's going on a while before you wake? Would it be worth borrowing or getting out an old baby monitor so you can react very quickly to unauthorised zebra bouncing?

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/03/2013 12:59

RobbinyoureastereggsSparkles
"She's a child. She got up playing loudly but you put her back to bed."

CamillaMacaulay1
"All you can do is say you're sorry but you're doing everything you can"

From the first sentence of the op
"DD gets up before we do and plays in her room"
It sounds like DD does this fairly often, if not every day.

RobbinyoureastereggsSparkles · 30/03/2013 13:03

this is the kind of thing I mean.

BalloonSlayer · 30/03/2013 13:06

"DH plays piano, they asked us to keep it down, we bought a new, silent piano. "

Now that would really piss ME off.

I love hearing the neighbours play the piano. I think you'd have to be a special kind of petty minded bugger to object to someone playing the piano

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 30/03/2013 13:11

That toy looks like a nightmare [bugrin]

eminemmerdale · 30/03/2013 13:11

I have childen who have been utter nightmares at night - ds refused to sleep until he was 5, but I really wouldn't want to have to be listening to this at 5am. Are there no quieter toys she could be playing with? And it is grim when they're ill. The neighbours clearly donlt get that.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 30/03/2013 13:12

Can you ask them what their tips are to stop a toddler screaming through pain of illness? I would really like to know!

I do think YABU with the playing in the mornings though, that really isn't acceptable.
When you have kids a fact of life is you will have to get up earlier than you want and it's a bit shit that you are happy to leave her playing in her room so as not to disturb you but it's fine to disturb your neighbours who don't even have kids.

RobbinyoureastereggsSparkles · 30/03/2013 13:12

The part of the OP that I was referring to is this: " DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed)."

Sianilaa · 30/03/2013 13:16

Sorry but I think YABU.

I understand the crying due to illness is beyond your control and a level of noise that is normal and part of life.

If my neighbours had children getting up at 5am and playing loudly (bounce and spin zebras are very noisy!) then yes I'd be fuming.

My 3 year old has a gro clock in his room and knows he cannot get out of bed apart from to go for a wee until the sun comes up at 7am. Until then he knows he can play but quietly.

Everyday, normal levels of noise I can accept. Anything between 11pm-7am that disturbs and isn't the norm is not on as far as I'm concerned.

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