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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

241 replies

MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 11:38

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

OP posts:
SoupDreggon · 30/03/2013 17:47

they obviously need to move to a detached house

As does the OP.

HumphreyCobbler · 30/03/2013 17:48

but WHY? Her child makes a noise, she deals with it. All children make a noise at some point.

bochead · 30/03/2013 17:52

Ill and crying in the middle of the night - well the neighbours have to deal. Kids get sick, noone plans it.

If she's woken them at 5 or 6 playing you can't moan if they come round at 8 to say summat - they'll be assuming you've been up with her! They've been up due to her noise since 5 or 6 am after all.

Up early and playing loudly? Why don't you get up and take her downstairs as a kid that age shouldn't be playing unattended? Lie ins are something you'll get to do again when she's a teen.

HumphreyCobbler · 30/03/2013 17:54

didn't the op say they PUT HER BACK TO BED???

on all the other days of her life she wakes at eight.

CandyCrushed · 30/03/2013 17:54

It sounds like YABU. The nieghbours should expect some crying noise but not banging or playing. It would really irritate me.

HumphreyCobbler · 30/03/2013 17:55

god I really need to stop taking it personally Grin

Bridgetbidet · 30/03/2013 17:56

If you never hear anything from next door this is obviously not an issue with paper thin walls. If no noise is coming through from their side of the wall then the noise coming from your side must be fairly substantial for them to be able to hear it. If she's up playing at five am she's obviously not settled herself either.

And you yourself are complaining that they are waking you up at 8am, why are you finding it so hard to empathize with the fact they might also feel similarly irritated being woken up by your family? Why is it unreasonable for them to wake you at 8? Why is your sleep more important than theirs?

There seems to be some furious back pedaling on your part OP. You said earlier she was up playing alone in her room from five am, now she was settled after a few minutes, the story seems to have changed a bit when you didn't get the response you wanted.

You can't really expect your neighbors to be okay with the noise when you're in bed yourself. You're complaining that you're sleep deprived but it sounds like you've had more sleep than them because you fucked off back to bed at five and left her to disturb them while you had a Kip.

Putting myself in their shoes I would have understood all night that it was a sick child. But the moment you buggered off to sleep and left an unattended child making a racket I would have been apoplectic. It's your child but it sounds like they're the ones who have been up all night with her.

Bridgetbidet · 30/03/2013 18:06

But the OP said she regularly gets up and plays alone before OP is up. Bearing this in mind I don't really think the OP can swear blind this is never till 8am. Particularly as that would mean OP herself wasn't getting up until half 8/9 every day. I suspect it's much earlier.

DameFanny · 30/03/2013 18:12

Keep up the good work Humphrey - you're the only one making sense that I can see

KLou111 · 30/03/2013 18:13

Soup - we did when we had a child, but the neighbours know full we'll what they could potentially be 'in for' when they moved to an adjoining house.
We've had it as I said. (also our first house our neighbours used to start parties after they'd been out all night at 3am. Music so loud our radiators vibrated! Every weekend this went on for. The council were shite, the police said call the council.)

My DHs brother has an old 1930s terrace and he's just had new neighbours move in with, as he put it, a brand new baby. He's not happy, but it's not the parents fault if the baby makes noise. But, yes, agreed, they do have to be conscious of neighbours.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/03/2013 18:14

all I can hear is the loud noise of backpeddaling.....

Bridgetbidet · 30/03/2013 18:25

I also think if your kid is up making noise unsupervised early in the morning when they're not sick you can't really expect to play the 'but they're sick' card when your neighbors know full well you would let them do exactly the same thing whether they were sick or not.

If your neighbors are getting sick of your children disturbing them in the early morning anyway letting them do it after they've ALSO kept them up all night is probably not the smartest move....

marmite69 · 30/03/2013 18:30

Agree with tailtwister that toy looks a bloody nightmare!

eminemmerdale · 30/03/2013 18:32

Blimey - we're do lucky. Our house was built in 1945 and the walls are so thick we can hear absolutely nothing - nor can our neighbours and we've had two babies growing up here!

Original poster
MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 18:55

and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more

Is what I said. Don't see where I've backpedalled from that. She was playing loudly, i got up and put her to bed. She cried for a few minutes and went back to sleep for a bit. Then DH went in with her for a couple of hours, she cried, I slept. I think it's ok to leave her with her dad isn't it? He generally manages without direct supervision.

Where I have backpedalled is from my position there is nothing else I could have done, as the general opinion is I should have taken her downstairs. I will consider that next time she is unwell. But neighbours have now resolutely lost my sympathy. Right now, DD should be in time out in her room and I am too worried that I'm disturbing the neighbours to put her there. I can't now night train her this week, because if she wets the bed, we will have to get her up to change it and she will cry if we wake her up. And no doubt they will complain. I don't need to play any card, they're normally angels. Like I said, can't wait until they have their own.

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 30/03/2013 19:00

Only have toys in her room that she can't play loudly with. Soft toys, books, etc.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/03/2013 19:11

OP

In your last post

my children are angels - PFB card
can't night train her - Martyr card
can't wait until they have their own - they don't understand/they are not parents card.

From your initail post
"DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed)."

from what you have posted you usually just let her get on with it because it doesn't wake you up.

SneakyNinja · 30/03/2013 19:17

From the last post it sounds like your neighbours have to put up with a hell of a lot more noise than you are trying to make us believe.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/03/2013 19:23

I suspect your neighbours have had a gutsfull.

Original poster
MummytoMog · 30/03/2013 19:27

Fwiw - yes, pfb, but it's probably because she is perfect (aside from the not talking, not being night trained, being a bugger to her brother and refusing to wear anything but pink). Ok, she's not perfect, but she bloody well sleeps. Martyr - too darn right, right now I feel like we can't do anything or they'll come round again and I'll have to grovel again. Probably in my nightie again. So I'm feeling quite martyred. And yes, they're not parents so they don't understand how fucking amazingly well my kids sleep. I want them to have their own like right now, so they can understand that my kids sleep like teeny tiny cute little miracles. Did I complain when they ripped out and redid their bathroom when DS was two days old, cutting off our water? No. Did I cut down a tree in out garden at great cost because they said it was blocking their light? Yes. Do I expect a bit of understanding about child noise? Yes.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 30/03/2013 19:33

I think people on this thread are being very unpleasant. Why are people accusing the OP of lying? Why the vitriol? Her posts seem quite clear to me. Other people have assumed stuff, the op has clarified, then people accused her of backtracking.

I think her neighbours sound intolerant and vile. I think lots of these responses are very unnecessarily hostile.

I would hide the thread OP. And never post in AIBU again.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/03/2013 19:35

erm...most of the deleted posts are by the op and from what I've read she did most of the name calling....just saying....

StuntGirl · 30/03/2013 19:35

Honestly OP, it just sounds like they've lost all patience with the noise. This isolated incident may not have been 'that bad' (from your point of view) but I suspect it has been the straw that broke the camel's back.

They'll have been annoyed about this for longer than they've let you know, and now can't deal with it any more. Did they go about it the best way? Maybe not. Should you take on board what they're saying? Yes.

MiaowTheCat · 30/03/2013 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SneakyNinja · 30/03/2013 19:46

'Arf @ 'banging away on a psychotic zebra' Grin

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