To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

[MummytoMog]

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

3 years* not 2.

It's not just a zebra. There's a zebra, a rocking horse, a music box. And there is something the OP can do about it. She or her OH can get up and go and play with the child somewhere it's not going to disturb the neighbours. There are two of them so they can still even have a blinkin' lie in if they take it in turns to get up at the weekend.

Sorry, all I see when I read this is two parents who can't be arsed to get out of bed and deal with their children and are leaving them unsupervised and playing alone in a way that is inappropriate at that time in that room. Why is it so important that they get some sleep when their children are sick or have a lie in when they get up early?

The OPs attitude seems to be that if they can't hear it and can sleep then that's fine. They don't care if anybody else is disturbed. To be honest, yes, I would be pissed off if my neighbour was lazing around in bed when their children were waking me up. If the noise was carrying into the OPs room rather than the neighbour and she was the one being woken up I doubt she would quite so relaxed about it, as she seems to be rather fond of her own sleep despite the fact she doesn't give a crap about anybody elses.

I also noticed that she's complaining about being 'sleep deprived' and frazzled. Are the neighbours not allowed to feel like that, is it purely the OP who needs sleep?

I've just googled the zebra thing. People really buy that tat?

shakes head

My DC often get up between 5 and 6.30 am. How on earth do you get your DD back into bed? Mine are up and no way would they go back to bed?

Having said that though mine do not play on noisy toys at that hour and we also live in a detached house.

Unless the walls are very thin, then your DD must be being very loud? I think if she was being that ill/loud then I would have taken her into bed with me.

oh dear

Our neighbours are very noisy. They play drums, have three dogs, a very stressed and unhappy DW and practiced CIO with both their DSs without success - meaning that in effect the crying went on for hours during the night, every night for about three years.

I have never once complained about the noise. We live in a terraced house, they are thoughtless and unpleasant but that's life innit?

Yabu. There is a lot you could have done to have lessened the noise but this would have impacted on your own sleep.

Zebrist much. [bushock]

It's a rocking horse.

Capiche ?

Waterboarding would seem like a stroll in the park after .

They should be seeking an indictment from the Hague on torture charges.

I think your neighbours are really intolerant, surely there are a few nights a year in which neighbours annoy each other with noise (e.g. our very quiet neighbour's daughter comes home from uni and plays loud music, the odd party, drilling/hoovering) and vice versa. I think they are intolerant in the extreme, because children do cry and talk in loud voices even if you try to shush them on the odd occasion or if they are ill. If my dd2 goes in a paddy, she screams for 30 min plus a very piercing shriek. I'd be delighted if my neighbour's disapproval made it stop, but nothing does and I just thank my lucky stars they are tolerant also of my occasional really loud shouting

I think if your children get up very early every day, then the nice thing to do is to take them downstairs/into a room you know is relatively quiet and let them watch TV quietly, I do remind them no loud voices before about 7 on a weekday.

But these neighbours are coming round when your children are mostly fine, and I don't see having a toy music box as a big deal, do they never listen to music in their own homes? I know what my DH would have said to them...

They don't live in a detached house, that's the price!

Hey Rainbow, so other than taking her downstairs, which I've already said I'll do next time, what should I have done to lessen the noise? Gagged her? Strapped her to her bed? Smothered her with a pillow?

Took her into our bed, continued screaming, slept in her bed with her, continued screaming, fed her Calpol, gave her a drink, stroked her forehead, rocked her in our arms, continued screaming. We certainly didn't get any sleep until after seven. Which if I were of a suspicious mind, might be why our neighbours decided to ring the doorbell not long after it all went quiet. But I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Op you clearly think yanbu so why post?

YABU OP. Particularly for calling people who disagree with you 'self righteous cows'.

Having read your post of 15:10, I'm fully on the side of your neighbours.

You left your toddler in her room alone when she was ill then complained when people complained about the noise. Yeah, I think you need a parenting course.

I your child is up and disturbing other people then get the hell up and look after her/entertain her, don't just leave her to annoy your neighbours!

And I don't buy it that's she's not that loud, she must be if you can hear her in the next house.

Also find it amazing you jump on me for that comment but not the number of posters calling your DH a lazy arse.

You said in your op dd gets up before you and plays loudly. That's what you said and what people are answering to.

1930s houses were not built with the same standards of sound insulation of a modern house. It is quite possible that your neighbours can hear your DD more clearly than you can.

Your neighbours can renovate at the pace which suits them, that is none of your business.

Your neighbours are allowed to sleep in whichever bedroom suits them. They are allowed to expect that their neighbours (ie you) will be considerate about noise in any of the adjoining bedrooms, not just the ones you have designated as being appropriate for them to sleep in.

You should have kept her in your room rather than putting her back in her own with a music box and not settling and then getting up at 5 and playing loudly. Why did you put her back in her room when she was making a noise and put a music box on for more noise during the night? When she was out of bed at 5am and playing loudly why didnt you bring her into your room? I am genuinely puzzled.

At eight am. That's earlier than us, not early. She got up earlier than that on a very very small number of occasions, when we went in and put her back to bed.

DD had an ear infection, we had done everything we could to comfort her, and she doesn't sleep well with anyone else in her bed/in our bed. So I happen to think it's fine to leave her to lie in bed in the next room and hope she settles. Which she did for a little while, and when she was up again, we got up again. You are of course entitled to the opposite opinion, but not to judge what I think is appropriate for my child, knowing her far better than anyone else. And DH is a lazy arse. Why bother to disagree?

It's fine to parent your child as you see fit. You are missing the point. People aren't objecting to you leaving your child to cry, they are objecting you leaving her in a room next to your neighbour's house so that they have to listen to it along with a music box whilst you sleep!