To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

[MummytoMog]

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

The very fact that you had to be asked to move the zebra says to me that you have no filter about how much noise you really are making. Anyone with half a brain would think "hmmmm annoying, repetitive, noisy toy at 5am. Maybe not a good idea" and put it somewhere appropriate after they had taken it out of the box and heard it for the first time. You didn't care that it was loud and obnoxious, so I can imagine that you don't care what else you do that is loud and obnoxious.

Had disappeared, but I don't think it's particularly necessary to call me a cunt because I use the word spectrummy. DD is speech delayed, socially delayed, in possession of an IEP at nursery, and under the care of an educational psychologist who, although not qualified to diagnose her, thinks she is on the spectrum. I'm not sure, she is only three after all, and we're not currently going agead to assessment although it has been offered. Hence the word spectrummy as it encompasses some of her preference for reduced physical contact (and high sensory input to her vestibular system). This is completely irrelevant to whether or not it's acceptable for us to disturb the neighbours. So I didn't go into it, but just for the record and all.

I would tell them to fob off personally. it's not like your encouraging her to be loud - she is a young child and should be able to play reasonably in her own room. children sometimes cry and don't sleep well - that's life.

I apologise for calling you a cunt and have reported my own post. However, calling someone spectrummy is shit and I stand by my earlier comments.

I think there's a little unreasonableness on both sides here. A sick child is a sick child and I think your neighbours were a little mean to come complaining when clearly a bad night has been had by all. Next time as you say, take her downstairs to rest on the sofa.
You say you can hear your neighbours tv and other noise a little through the walls, so imagine how much noise they possibly hear from yours all day (children make a lot of noise), they aren't complaining about this though, just being woken early. It would piss me off too, and I think perhaps they are telling you now that it's disturbing them so that you can do something about it, rather than letting it go on and on while they get more and more annoyed. It's far better to deal with things straight away and directly isn't it, than them go whining to the council noise people or something, no?
Pop round all bright and breezy with a bottle of wine/flowers and just say sorry about last night, DD very poorly, on ABs now so hopefully on mend, we try very hard to keep DCs quiet in morning as we like to sleep too, but I'm sure you understand that children can sometimes make noise. We do all we can to keep it down. It's always a good thing to try to keep on good terms with the neighbours.
And then get some carpet with good underlay.

I would try to smooth things over with an apology for the couple of bad nights, like bojangles says. If she regularly wakes and plays in her room while you are still asleep, I suspect they have been getting woken up fairly regularly and these recent broken nights have simply been the last straw.

DS2 quite often wakes between 5 and 6 and even if I can get him back to sleep again, I can almost never get back to sleep again, and a regular extra couple of hours on your day makes a big difference in terms of tiredness.

You've moved the noisy toy so hopefully things will settle down, but I don't think you blame the neighbours for their reaction. And 8am isn't exactly early when they've been hearing noise since 5am.

Surely possibility of noise is something you take on board when buying or renting a semi? I dont think 5 or 6 am is that early either, on week days we're all up and about between those hours, as are a lot of people we know. I wouldn't say it was unusual to hear noise at that time. Our dd is very prone to ear infections and im sure has been heard by our attached neighbours on occasions, as we can be disturbed by their teenagers coming backlate and arguing about it. Yes, you need to be considerate, but you also needto be realistic. Semis often mean hearing harmless every day noise from next door. Thats the way it goes.

You don't think 5-6am is early?! I'm glad you don't live next door to me!

Fwiw I'd love to live in a detatched house? Care to buy one for me?

my last post was to MrsJollyPostman

Pinky im certainly not inconsiderate and have a very good relationship with neighbours. Different people work on different time scales. I heard my other neighbour (were in a terrace) who works nights getting in from work and having a shower at 3am. That's her normal routine and I have no right to stop her because I happen to hear some noise. Shes just living her life, the same as us, and its not her fault we happen to operate on different times. Its not like any of us are blasting out music at 2am.
I think nasty name calling on a thread which has asked for different opinions doesn't make you come across very well. All you know about me and my family is thst we're early risers, we also happen to help look after our neighbours pets and water their plants when they are away and have helped them out in various ways. But obviously, you know it all from a few words on a screen.

I think the noise act advises that between the hours of 11pm-7am are classed as "night hours" MrsPostman , so 5-6am is not "normal". We get up at 6 and are very careful to keep the noise down so as not to disturb our neighbour who is retired and gets up around 9am, as banging around so early in the morning would feel very antisocial.

Right - we leave for work at 7am, sometimes earler. Getting up later isnt really an option.

MrsJollyPostman, the name calling was off, but 5am is early. And it's a different situation here, it's not essential noise like someone needing to be up and showered for work, it's preventable and unnecessary noise. My husband's up for work at 5am but he keeps it down.

Noise at 5am from someone who Is being as quiet as possible is okay, noise at 5am from someone who is making excessive noise because they don't care if it affects others is not. Therein lies the difference between your neighbor and the op.

But you are wrong, 5am is well outside e boundaries of times it's okay to make a lot of noise.

Monty I didnt say we did bang around, but we do get showers, walk up and down stairs and put tv on quietly for dd as that os probably quieter than a lot of her toys. We try our best but im sure some noise can be heard. But we cant wait till 7 because we will be late for work. Our neighbours accept that, the same way we accept been woken up by neighbours who finish work late. The op doesnt sound inconsiderate, her child was ill and they tried their best. As her neighbour I would feel sorry for them rather than get cross.

Tbh I dont know about the noise act, but I know a lot of people with young children class 7am as a lie in! I think getting up and doing normal every day things is fine. Screaming child can be unpreventable. Loud music or building works etc- not acceptable.

It's not the screaming the neighbors complained about though is it? It's the noise of toys. As you say yourself jolly' you're up and about with your child and you're making sure the noise is limited. The OP isn't, her child is unsupervised making as much noise as she wants, there's a big difference.

I might be wrong here, but it seems like the OP thinks that because her neighbours don't yet have children then they don't have as many rights as she does. Frankly that's a shitty attitude to have and its one that would piss off a lot of childless people. Why should anyone else have to suffer the noise of someone else's kids? Crying due to illness is one thing, but playing loudly at silly AM is not acceptable IMO. But never mind, as long as you can't hear it, eh?

How would you like it if they started playing loud music at all hours? Which to be honest if I was your neighbour I'd be very tempted to do just so as you'd now what its like ;)

As I said, I'm up at 6am myself, so agree some of us are up early, wasn't really meaning you personally were banging around Jolly. Just saying we all need to be mindful that for many that's too early.
I also posted earlier that I thought the neighbours were a little unreasonable in this instance as clearly the child was unwell, but that if it had happened a bit in the past, then op also might be a little unreasonable also. Being neighbours generally means a bit of give and take on both sides I think. [busmile]

Hallo
Here are Talk guidelines for anyone who may need them
[busmile]

Havnt had time to read the whole thread so hopefully not repetitive.

Some neighbours ( like some I used to have) become emboldened and complaint the more reasonable you are.

So, you were right to move the horse, but can't do anything about young kids yelling at night if they are ill , or get up early.

Mine stopped after they had noisy kids of their own, thank god. But I just once remember saying, before that, that I appreciated the walls were thin, as I had heard her talking loudly with her mother ( they were rowing, actually), so the noise did cut both ways.

They got the point and all went quiet!

The thing is, to be reasonable, but not a pushover. As in life.

OlOEUFia, genius [bugrin]

@Montybojangles

OlOEUFia, genius [bugrin]