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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think if I want to go on the fucking plane I shall go on the fucking plane?

148 replies

Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:01

Or is my dislike of the ex making me act "irrationally" (which is what he alleges)

Me and the ex and all of the DCs have been invited to an event. We have separate invites, me and him, but we are all invited. It is very important to the person doing the inviting that we are there and that we bring the DCs

Ex was on the phone last night (discussion Easter holiday arrangements which have to change to suit him - whole other thread) and asked me did I get invited. I said yes

He then said "good. We can all go in my car"

I said no I wanted to fly.

He says I'm being irrational.

My reasons are :

His driving stresses me. I hate sitting in the car with him driving

DD GETS CAR SICK I don't want this any more than we have to why put her through it

The plane is just a cheap and quicker and we can get collected at the other end

I think it sends the wrong message for us all to rock up together. We are not together. We are divorced and have been for years. We are not a happy family.

So Aibu?

OP posts:
ArabellaBeaumaris · 27/03/2013 08:03

I think it is entirely up to you how you get there.

CalmingLava · 27/03/2013 08:04

YANBU at all. Make your own arrangements without him.

GlaikitHasHerFizzBack · 27/03/2013 08:05

Yanbu, if he wants to drive then let him. You will be there hours before him, and will be all calm and serene when he arrives all smelly and cramped.

Sod him! He's not the boos of you

ScarletLady02 · 27/03/2013 08:05

YANBU at all....go on the plane. Even if just for your DD's car sickness. I used to get that as a child and it's fucking miserable.

GlaikitHasHerFizzBack · 27/03/2013 08:05

*boss

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:06

Thank you. I told him I'd make my own plans and it was up to the kids who they chose to go with (youngest is 11)

I expect them to chose the plane.

He also said he was planning to be in and out on the same day. So, drive, ferry, arrive, event, and leave immediately.

I want to arrive the day before. Relax. Dinner. Get up. Make up. Hair. Faff. Event. Dinner. Bed. Wake up airport. Home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:07

Glaikit - that's exactly how it made me feel.

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 27/03/2013 08:07

Why are you even discussing it with him? No is a complete sentence.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 27/03/2013 08:08

He's your ex. He doesn't get to dictate how you choose to get to an event. I don't think you need to say anything more than no, I shall not be travelling with you.

It's amazing that he thinks he has the right to dictate to you.

GlaikitHasHerFizzBack · 27/03/2013 08:09

Go look fab, dance like there is no one watching, and flick the proverbial at him! :o

ScarletLady02 · 27/03/2013 08:09

Your plan sounds MILES better. I wouldn't want to put young children through all that travelling in one day unless I absolutely had to.

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:09

Thank you all. Hecsy - I said that to him. I said "we aren't invited as a couple. We have separate invites"

But it makes more sense to travel together. We'd save £2.40 (or thereabouts - he's very tight). He said it must be nice to have money to burn.

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 27/03/2013 08:10

Go ahead and make your own flight arrangements. Have the hosts requested that you all attend or that you all arrive together?
If he thinks you are being irrational, let him, he shouldn't give two shits anymore as you're divorced.
He sounds like a controlling arse - was he always like this? It sounds like you having an opinion and not bowing to his demands = his idea of irrational. You know you have valid reasons for wanting to fly so stand your ground.

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:11

Ok. Outing myself. But this is important to the dynamic.

It's a DS's graduation. We are to meet The Girlfriend's parents. I want to go out to dinner with them. I want to see my son. I want to go for tea with him the night before. And this what he wants.

And he wants the rest of the DCs there coz he's my softest one.

OP posts:
ScarletLady02 · 27/03/2013 08:12

LMAO - £2.40!! Grin

Sorry that made me laugh...Give him the £2.40 if he's that bothered.

AwkwardSquad · 27/03/2013 08:12

It only makes more sense to travel together if you actively want to have a miserable time instead of a nice time. YANBU.

GlaikitHasHerFizzBack · 27/03/2013 08:13

Ok maybe scrap the dancing then! :o

elQuintoConyo · 27/03/2013 08:14

£2.40? I've just blown porridge out of my nose!

3 days and flying will be a lot of fun for your dc.

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:14

What DS WANTS is for us to arrive the day before in the morning.

The GF is lined up to take the DDs on the day of his graduation during the ceremony because they will be bored. I am not to worry about it. He and she have it planned. I believe shopping is involved Grin

But he wants the day before with us. He wants tea the night before. And a meal the evening after his graduation with his GF and her parents.

The ex's drive and leave plan doesn't allow for any of that.

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 27/03/2013 08:14

Do it exactly the way your DS wants this is your moment as a parent to walk around with PROUD stamped on you forehead so make last as long as possible.

OddBoots · 27/03/2013 08:15

Don't argue, just do it, he's being a numpty and probably just wants to charge you petrol money.

OnwardBound · 27/03/2013 08:16

As he is your ex husband I am astounded that he feels he has any rights to demand anything of you or think you have to in any way justify yourself to him.

So what if he thinks you are irrational? You know you're not and that's all that matters.

You're even allowing the kids to make their own decision on how they travel ffs so you're not dictating how anyone must travel to this event apart from yourself.

I hope you have a very pleasant flight and enjoy the event [ feeling refreshed and relaxed!] immensely.

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:19

To be fair, he had calculated the costs including diesel and I believe to drive is about £40 cheaper for all of us.

And of course, I'm being frivolous and wanting to go and have dinner out and shopping and he's there may well be dancing Grin

I wouldn't care if it was £400 more. I'd still want to go on my own. And on the plane. Plus it's more exciting for the wee ones to go on a plane.

OP posts:
LoveMyBoots · 27/03/2013 08:20

OddBoots I was thinking the same thing!

CheeseandGherkins · 27/03/2013 08:20

I don't see why it's a problem. You say no. End of discussion.

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