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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think if I want to go on the fucking plane I shall go on the fucking plane?

148 replies

Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:01

Or is my dislike of the ex making me act "irrationally" (which is what he alleges)

Me and the ex and all of the DCs have been invited to an event. We have separate invites, me and him, but we are all invited. It is very important to the person doing the inviting that we are there and that we bring the DCs

Ex was on the phone last night (discussion Easter holiday arrangements which have to change to suit him - whole other thread) and asked me did I get invited. I said yes

He then said "good. We can all go in my car"

I said no I wanted to fly.

He says I'm being irrational.

My reasons are :

His driving stresses me. I hate sitting in the car with him driving

DD GETS CAR SICK I don't want this any more than we have to why put her through it

The plane is just a cheap and quicker and we can get collected at the other end

I think it sends the wrong message for us all to rock up together. We are not together. We are divorced and have been for years. We are not a happy family.

So Aibu?

OP posts:
Longdistance · 27/03/2013 08:48

He sounds like a control freak!

Tell him to foxtrot Oscar

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/03/2013 08:50

Yanbu.

If I had to be trapped in a car with any of my ex's chances are a crime would be committed I would miss the event as I would be in jail so never a good idea.

They are ex's for a reason and that reason is often because you cannot tolerate there company.

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 08:56

He also (outing myself even more) said could my parents not babysit the younger ones and we could leave them behind.

Firstly, there's a lots of stuff going on for my parents at the minute. None of his business. My mums not well.

Secondly, DS WANTS THEM THERE. And has put effort into planning it so they have a good time.

I must confess, to all of you on MN, I lied. I told him mum and dad were away on holiday that week.

They might be on holiday, they've talked about it, but no firm plans are made (due to mums health)

OP posts:
CadleCrap · 27/03/2013 08:59

YABU - you need to drive with him and give us a blow by blow account of his fuckwitedness Grin

Your DS sounds lovely, you did well there!

pregnantpause · 27/03/2013 08:59

I'm not sire why he seems to think that he has any right to involve himself in your plans. no wonder he's an ex, controlling.wanker! go by plane,do what your ds wants, and give not another thought to appeasing this bloody idiot!

Dawndonna · 27/03/2013 09:01

Tell him you are divorced for a reason and that reason is still valid. You are going on the plane, you are divorced and therefore it is up to you to make the decisions concerning you. You intend to have fun and you can't do that with him and that's one of the reasons why you're divorced.
Mardy, tight git that he is!

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 09:02

If I pay for me and 3DCs to fly, and other DC makes his way from somewhere else and I pay for that too (train not plane in that case) it'll cost under £300. I just checked with easy jet and the train line.

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 27/03/2013 09:06

YANBU. Who cares if he thinks you are?

Emilythornesbff · 27/03/2013 09:07

Grin at cradlecrap

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 09:08

And he's picking us up. And putting us up in his scummy student house. But I won't be eating there I'm not daft Grin

I'm really not a spendthrift I was going to treat this as a holiday for me and the kids like a short break and make the most of it. DS Said we could stay an extra day or two if we wanted.

OP posts:
Jengnr · 27/03/2013 09:10

Just fucking do it.

And enjoy the time without him before he rocks up in his car.

Am I mean to hope it breaks down on him?

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 09:12

There will, undoubtedly, be an "oh fuck what do I wear is this ok" thread at some point Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 09:13

I don't really do mother of the graduate pastel suits.

OP posts:
50BalesOfHay · 27/03/2013 09:14

Got to do it then. Make him find out by accidentally leaving boarding pass lying around.

50BalesOfHay · 27/03/2013 09:18

Nice subtle but knock out frock and heels?

Tee2072 · 27/03/2013 09:21

Oh just tell him to fuck off to fuck off. And point out that he is ex, because he seems to be missing that part!

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 09:29

Grin fuck off it is

OP posts:
MathsCat · 27/03/2013 10:33

Your DS and his gf sound lovely! Graduation isn't about the ceremony - that's bloody boring (well done to his gf for getting out of it Wink) - it's about celebrating after, and before if you can, with people you care about. I'd have been upset if my parents had literally come just for the ceremony as I wouldn't have been able to spend any time with them. It's your son's day and since you can afford to do what he wants AND you actually want to, it's a no brainer Grin!

zipzap · 27/03/2013 10:56

Your ds is lovely for arranging it all (give or take losing the date of the event!) and wanting all his family there for the event and all the extras before and after.

Your ex is being a twat of the highest order for thinking that he has any right to dictate your arrangements - he just wants you to go halves on the fuel as it makes it much cheaper for him if you are in the car with him. His fuel costs will be the same whether you are there or not, so your decision impacts him - but seeing as he is your ex that's still not your problem.

Tell him that there is no way that you are driving up - for a day or a few days, even if you were going to drive up you would not be driving up in the same car as him, that there is no way you are going to risk missing the ceremony so you have to be there the day before, and you are going to go, have a lovely few days with your ds and really enjoy some quality family time together.

He could always choose to fly in and out on the same day if he wanted to too.

If he says that you are being irrational then it's a classic technique to try to manipulate you into coming around to his way of thinking. Just treat him like a toddler and tell him that you're not irrational, he is. If the difference had been £1000 then maybe he would have had a point when it comes to costs. But £40 in the grand scheme of things, especially spending time with your ds in his own setting at uni, at a major point in his life, it's going to be fab and well worth every penny of that £40.

Fly and enjoy it! (and that's coming from someone who hasn't flown for over 20 years, so that's saying something!)

lottiegarbanzo · 27/03/2013 11:03

I'm hoping his calculations are based on you sharing, so going alone, it might actually be cheaper for him to fly. Just cos that would be funny.

Anyway, have a lovely time doing all the fun bits. Your DS does sound lovely.

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 11:14

His calculations are indeed based on all of us going in the one car.

It would be loads cheaper for him to pay for himself to fly and us to split the cost of the kids 50/50

OP posts:
MmeThenardier · 27/03/2013 11:24

I can't believe he's going to all the expense, time and effort to spend about 30 minutes with your DS before he turns around and comes back again. It would be much cheaper if he stayed at home altogether!

Have a great time and enjoy what sounds like a lovely ocassion and don't let Mr£2.40 ruin it with his shit ideas (which are probably the reason you left him in the first place).

Original poster
Freddiemisagreatshag · 27/03/2013 11:37

He's talking - arrive, go to graduation, straight home. No meal after.

Why would you bother is dead right?!

OP posts:
MmeThenardier · 27/03/2013 11:43

What?! Thats ridiculous. Now that really is a waste of money

I wonder why you left him... Wink

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 27/03/2013 11:45

Besides which, why the hell would he want to be in a car with someone so "irrational"?

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