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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that its a bit rude to change the place cards at a reception?

153 replies

CrysPally · 26/03/2013 12:44

Sorry it this is retreading old ground, but this was brought up in the thread about separating couples at a wedding dinner, and I was surprised at the casualness with which some people suggested just swapping the place cards around. Surely there's far more to this then a guest could ever know about? The places might have been carefully chosen so that a shy/awkward person isn't on their tod, or that that Uncle Wandering Hands is kept safe, or any number of other things.

Leaving aside the couples together / apart etiquette, isn't it a bit rude to assume that you know better than the B&G?

OP posts:
Pixieonthemoor · 26/03/2013 12:47

A bit rude?? I would go as far as to say VERY rude!!

QuintEggSensuality · 26/03/2013 12:48

Yes it is rude. But if the B&G knew better they would not separate couples!

EuroShaggleton · 26/03/2013 12:51

It's rude, but it's also pretty rude of the hosts to deliberately split people up and make their guests uncomfortable enough to feel the need to do it.

FredFredGeorge · 26/03/2013 12:52

It's no more rude than the person who placed the people there.

JustWannaDrinkAndDance · 26/03/2013 12:52

I was thinking the exact same thing when I was reading that thread OP. If someone did that at my wedding I would be livid, but at the same time I am a) a control freak and b) wouldn't split up couples.

Off topic - if you are at a wedding and the person seated next to you is a no show, is it acceptable to steal their bread roll and ask for their dessert? It would be nice to finally get an answer on that one.

Bowlersarm · 26/03/2013 12:54

It is rude, but I am secretly very envious of anyone who has the nerve to do it to save themselves a tedious few hours

Bicnod · 26/03/2013 12:55

It's a bit rude, but I hate being separated from DH at weddings as we rarely go out (young kids) and want to spend our evening together, not chatting to some random people we've never met before.

This has happened at a few weddings I've been to and I've always suggested moving seats after each course to make it less tedious.

Different if you're on a table with loads of mates, but lots of people insist on mixing up groups of friends at weddings, I never understand why...

Silvermoonsparkling · 26/03/2013 12:56

I was amazed at the other thread and YANBU - incredibly rude to touch place cards at a reception.

I must have been to about 25 weddings over last few years and countless dinner parties. I have NEVER been sat next to DH and would never expect to be - that seems extraordinary. How socially inadequate do you have to be to need to be glued to your partner at the dinner? Is bizarre to me.

PurpleStorm · 26/03/2013 12:57

It might be a bit rude.

But if I was placed on a table where the only other person I knew was DH, and we'd been split up, I'd be changing the place cards if I thought I could get away with it.

I wouldn't think that any ruder than sticking me in between a pair of complete strangers.

choceyes · 26/03/2013 12:58

Yes very rude. I also read that thread and I also thought the same at the time. But seperating couples is not good either.

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2013 12:59

Oh I don't know

I think I'd be pleased the people at the table swapped themselves about until they were comfortable.

I'd have to be on a bit of a power trip to assume my wishes come before theirs, if I'm not even sitting with them.

Mountains and molehills spring to mind.

Having said that, I wouldn't be sitting with/sitting anyone near a dirty bastard with wandering hands anyway.

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2013 12:59

I'd swap. I don't exist to entertain other people. And no one knows better than me about what I want.

choceyes · 26/03/2013 13:01

Actually it depends on how well I know the couple. If it's a family wedding or a close friends wedding where I now a lot of people at the wedding then I don't care about not being sat next to DH. But at a wedding where I hardly know anyone (like say a friend of DH's from a long time ago, and I've never met the bride nor any of the family), I'd like to sit next to DH.

QuietNinjaTardis · 26/03/2013 13:03

Seriously? I put people together with people they knew or the few people who didn't know anyone I put with friendly talkative friends but if they'd all swapped round I wouldn't have cared! I was just pleased everyone was there. So long as they were happy they could do what they liked.

jeee · 26/03/2013 13:03

I didn't realise that place names were such a big deal. I only bothered with them at my wedding because I thought that it would help people to know that they were actually allowed to sit there. And if people moved, I wouldn't have noticed. I wanted them to have a nice day.

Maybe I irritated the hell out of everyone because I didn't have a carefully thought out plan?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/03/2013 13:04

I've been to shedloads of weddings and never not been sitting next to DH. I'd change the name cards round in a heartbeat if I was sitting next to someone I didn't want to talk to for whatever reason.

VenetiaLanyon · 26/03/2013 13:07

Bad manners and very, very rude.

I find it staggering that some people think that they have the right to do this against the wishes of the people organising the event; a sense of entitlement at its worst.

It may not be what you'd prefer, but there is nothing intrinsically rude about seating people next to strangers. Putting up with this for a couple of hours is really not the end of the world.

Have known the place cards to be changed at a wedding, and the bride noticed and was upset.

Pixieonthemoor · 26/03/2013 13:09

SilvermoonsparklingI agree with you entirely. I have NEVER been sat next to my dh in the dozens of weddings we have attended and quite often am not even on the same table!

MrsHoarder · 26/03/2013 13:10

I wouldn't have noticed unless it was one of the family tables with a family sensitivity. But then everyone in my family would know that auntie b will not sit next to Grandpa's dp. Aside from that we ere trying to guess who would like to sit next to who, if we got it wrong we were happier for them to swap then suffer through a while meal.

And keep uncle wandering hands safe?? I'm shocked that such an individual wouldn't just be told he wasn't welcome rater than risking him upsetting someone. No adult needs to be kept safe from the consequences of their behaviour.

difficultpickle · 26/03/2013 13:13

I would do it but only on the same table. We were at a wedding the other week and my elderly dm was stuck facing the wrong way from the dance floor/top table. She isn't mobile enough to turn her chair round and not have the support of the table. Had I realised where she was sitting I would have changed her place with my db on the same table (who could see her problem but didn't offer to move - unfortunately typical of him). She is also hard of hearing so struggled to hear the speeches because she couldn't turn round to see them. I would also have moved ds to sit the other side of my mum so he wasn't next to his cousins (who completely ignored him and made him feel sad).

tinierclanger · 26/03/2013 13:13

I must have been to about 25 weddings over last few years and countless dinner parties. I have NEVER been sat next to DH and would never expect to be - that seems extraordinary. How socially inadequate do you have to be to need to be glued to your partner at the dinner? Is bizarre to me.

I've been to at least a dozen weddings with DH over the past few years and we've always been put together, as I recall. Smile. I wonder if this is a class thing and people that are considerably posher than us do this?

Pandemoniaa · 26/03/2013 13:15

DP has hearing problems. We would not move place cards but if he discovered himself the wrong end of a table - bad ear inwards, for example - then he'd either swap with me if I'm sitting next to me or politely ask someone else on the table if they'd mind whether he swapped places.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 26/03/2013 13:19

tinier Without being a snob, you're correct. Traditional etiquette dictates that couples (unless in the first year of marriage) are on the same table but not next to one another.

catgirl1976 · 26/03/2013 13:19

It's very rude

But on the other hand I don't expect to be seated with DH at weddings etc. It's pretty rare to be IME.

Maybe at a less formal, evening reception you would be I guess.

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2013 13:21

DH was best man at my BIL's wedding so he was on the top table and I was sitting with my new SIL's family. I didn't know any of them and we didn't have anything in common. I didn't know any other guest either.

We made conversation but Christ, it was a tedious way to spend two hours. I understand the reason in my case but I don't know why you'd inflict that on anyone else.

To be honest, I don't understand the reason. I think it would have been more polite if my SIL had dropped her obsession with etiquette and seated me with people I knew. It would have been one bloody seat and it was hardly a state occasion.