To think that its a bit rude to change the place cards at a reception?

[CrysPally]

Sorry it this is retreading old ground, but this was brought up in the thread about separating couples at a wedding dinner, and I was surprised at the casualness with which some people suggested just swapping the place cards around. Surely there's far more to this then a guest could ever know about? The places might have been carefully chosen so that a shy/awkward person isn't on their tod, or that that Uncle Wandering Hands is kept safe, or any number of other things.

Leaving aside the couples together / apart etiquette, isn't it a bit rude to assume that you know better than the B&G?

I have a similar problem to Pandeamoniaa's DH (sorry about spelling, am on phone). I can only hear through one side so just befor the speeches, I asked another person on our table could swap with them so I could hear. Half way through the best man's speech, the bride stood up and interrupted to say, 'Bees, you're not meant to be sitting there. you've ruined the boy/girl pattern so move back now.'

She wouldn't let the speeches continue till I'd moved back. I thought that was rude.

2am - is he still your DH?

Could have been worse chased she could have tasered you.

I had a buffet and long tables in the village hall.

Bloody hell 2am that's awful!

I don't think it's rude to move about on the same table. To be honest, at my wedding, I didn't care who was sitting next to who on each table, why would I? I'd just got married and was happy and excited, so I wasn't aware of who was sitting where (not that I split couples up).

We were at a receptiony type thing on Saturday, retrial do for my dh's boss.

The couple next to us swapped seats.

Because I'm very friendly with the female side (she lets my dd2 turn up anytime to feed/groom/ride/just admire her Shetland ponies). And also she gave us a house rabbit, called Speedy MacReady, who we all love unconditionally!

Her husband fishes with the dh on the other side.

So we chatted and drank too much gin! Result!

It's very rude.

From the perspective of a former-waitress it also causes all kinds of PITA-ness with serving - when you have table plans and you know who is having what and where they're sat, it makes getting all tables served smoothly a doddle.

This happened at my wedding.

For various reasons there wasn't enough space on the top table for my youngest sibling (who was quite young) so I put her on another table flanked by our cousin and his wife as she gets on very well with them. In the wedding arrangement haze I had no idea this would be a problem until I caught my cousin changing the place names over just before the meal. He said his wife didn't want to be separated despite only being one person away on a table full of family members she knew well. I then had to go to the kitchen to let them know as the kids had different meals to the adults, although in hindsight I should just have let them serve his wife a kiddy meal

At the time I was mortified that I'd upset them. Looking back afterwards, I think it was bloody rude.

Yes, extremely rude. It's not just disrespectful to your host, but also to the other people seated at your table. I imagine it would be horrible to sit down next to someone, only to find them moving to sit somewhere else. I find it really odd that so many people aren't aware of basic etiquette. I have been seated apart from my partner (on the same table, but not next to each other) at every wedding reception, function and dinner party I've ever been to.

I was bridesmaid at now ex friends/now divorced couples wedding.

My daughter who was 2 was being looked after by my sister. As we were at reception venue before she arrived I went to find out where they'd been seated, so I could settle her when she arrived.
In the meantime, grooms bitch mum had moved her place card so get relatives could be where she wanted them to be.
Basically she had put my daughter at a table practically in a closet.
I was do mad I hunted her down and told her how rude she is. My face was like thunder in all the photos for the rest of the day.

It is rude.

"or that that Uncle Wandering Hands is kept safe"

1. uncle wandering hands isn't the person who needs to be kept safe
2. uncle wandering hands wouldn't be invited to my wedding- i have respect for my other guests' rights not to mauled by a sleazebag.

Very bad manners. Are there people who are really so introverted/shy that they can't spend three courses sat next to people they don't know? If you're that afflicted why would you accept invitations to events where you might be required to mingle?

Swopping seats within a table is just about ok - eg DH and I would prefer to keep the DCs between us during the meal to make sure they behave, but the seating plan might sit them on the outside of us.

But swopping between tables is just rude. You don't know that you haven't just dumped someone next to his ex and her new man, for example. Not the end of the world, but something good hosts know to avoid.

I encouraged seat swapping but not table swapping due to pre ordered food during the meal at my wedding. Even put a note on table encouraging it. I think that I was a laid back bride though, no money grabbing poetry either.

The meal doesn't last long but I wouldn't want to sit next to people I didn't know and wouldn't like to be separated from DH.

"Are there people who are really so introverted/shy that they can't spend three courses sat next to people they don't know? If you're that afflicted why would you accept invitations to events where you might be required to mingle? "

yes there really are. they accept because they want to be there with their family/ friends for their big events.

I'd hope that is someone needed to be next to their partner that much that the bridge and groom would have factored that in to their table planning.

OK, obviously I don't understand. I'm pretty outgoing and I quite like the chance to shake off DH for an evening!

Ar our wedding I went to a lot of effort to try and seat people together who we thought would get along and have things in common, or more particularly: speak the same language! As a guest, you don't know why you've been placed where you have, and you certainly don't know why the person you've decided to swap with has been placed there. I think it's quite rude to think you know better than the hosts who should sit where.

That said, I hate sitting with strangers, am no good at small talk, and much prefer sitting near friends or family. So always hope that hosts will take that into consideration when seating people.

Riviera, did you ask the cousin and his wife if they minded watching your younger sibling?

I wouldn't be very happy to be lumbered with someone else's kid tbh.

The people on my table swapped place cards at our friend's wedding last year. Husband and I were ok as our cards were next to each other so we just sat down. But the other three couples were all mixed up and so they just moved the cards so they were each sitting next to their partner. To be honest I'm not too sure why we had been mixed up as we were all in couples so there was no need to make sure a single person was next to someone friendly or anything. And, although 3 of the couples knew each other quite well, we were polite enough to chat to the couple we didn't know anyway. I know it's etiquette but surely most people make an effort to chat to everyone on the table don't they? (Depending on table size obviously).

To be honest if it was me I probably wouldn't have dared to move anything and would have sat away from my husband if I'd had to!

It did cause a couple of problems when the waiting staff were serving because some people were having soup and so it was put down in the places where there were side plates for the bread. But we just passed the bowls around so it didn't really matter.

When I got married I didn't care if the guests wanted to change where they were sitting on the tables, but who was on which table had been carefully thought out so I would have been annoyed if people had sat on any old table they fancied!

A good hostess will know their guests well enough to ensure that the people on each table will find things in common.
Therefore there should be no need for spouses to sit next to each other.
On the other hand putting them on separate tables just complicates things when trying to explain to new people where you fit into the big scheme of things.
It is INCREDIBLY rude to assume that you know more about all of the guests than the hostess does and move the place cards.

Blimey, typos a plenty there

MrsW you wouldn't need to advertise any mental health condition; if someone knows you well enough to invite you to their wedding I'd have thought they'd know that you like to sit together, if not the reason why.