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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you have a giant rottweiler you should say so when you invite children to play?

239 replies

kawliga · 26/03/2013 10:10

Or is it up to me, whenever my daughter is invited to play with schoolfriends to ask their parents 'by the way, might you happen to have a giant rottweiler the size of a small tractor in your house'?

This was a friendly dog and dd is not frightened of dogs, but we don't have dogs ourselves so she is also not used to them. This dog, the sheer size of it, could knock a grown man over even if it's just playing. When I arrived to pick her up DD was cowering in the corner Sad although later she told me she had fun playing there, so no harm done. Just feel a bit uneasy. I feel like I should have known so I could say something like 'there's a big dog there but it's friendly so don't worry' before she went there to play. AIBU?

OP posts:
WitchOfEndor · 26/03/2013 19:07

YANBU I have a dog, DS loves him to bits but I wouldn't assume that other children would, so I would mention it just so the parents were aware. A child could be allergic too, so I would check.

wildfig · 26/03/2013 19:09

Those, sadly, are exactly the breeds targeted by the sort of vile and irresponsible owners involved in dog fighting/dogs brutalised in order to be used for protection. I'd be really surprised too if there isn't a connection.

HotCrossPun · 26/03/2013 19:32

I agree with wildfig, these types of dog are seen as 'status' dogs by some idiots. They buy them with the intention of 'training' them to be as aggressive as possible, and to use them as some kind of protection.

Our Staffie is lovely. He hasn't been brought up around kids, but whenever our neice (3) comes round he is so gentle and patient with her. The Kennel Club recommend Staffies as a good breed to have around young children, only one other breed of dog is given that recommendation.

There is a reason why there are so many of these types of dogs in dogs home. Idiots who buy them on the belief that they are naturally aggressive get them home and are bitterly disappointed when they realise they have a slobbering lump of love on their hands

Owllady · 26/03/2013 21:03

how can you start comparing aggressive out of control dogs who may have been bred and trained for fighting (or may not) with well trained or even trained to be a pet dogs? it really isn't the same thing

olgaga · 26/03/2013 21:18

The Kennel Club recommend Staffies as a good breed to have around young children

Heaven help us all.

ceres · 26/03/2013 21:20

olgaga - why?

coffeeinbed · 26/03/2013 21:26

Olgaga, you seem to be mistaken.
Staffies can be the gentlest dogs ever.
the best behaved dog I ever met was a staff. she was lovely.
they are used in fights, this is true, but when they are well trained they can be lovely.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/03/2013 21:33

I'm not a dog lover but I don't hate them either. We have a mutual tolerance Grin
My DD is terrified of dogs so it's always MY responsibility to ask.

My MIL Bastard Dog dog used to viciously attack me as I climbed up the stairs. It would run up after me and bite me. Or wait at the bottom of the stairs pretending to be asleep.
She didn't believe in locking it away either Hmm

coffeeinbed · 26/03/2013 21:36

Some dogs are vicious bastards.
Most dogs however aren't.
It's just like people, really.

seeker · 26/03/2013 21:40

Look, it doesn't matter if it's a toy poodle or a mastiff- if you have q dog in our house you tell a visiting child's parents in advance. I have cats and guinea pigs and horses- I used to tell parents. It's a no brainer. Some kids are allergic, some are frightened, some love dogs so much they give them no space at all and need to be watched. Whey wouldn't you tell the parent? Unless you are one of those ghastly people who put Facebook statuses about some of your children having 4 legs.........

babybythesea · 26/03/2013 21:53

Why wouldn't you tell the parent?

Simply, you might forget.
I have done just that - I'm not deluded that my dog will never ever so much as look at people when they enter the house, it's just when I'm arranging things there's a lot else going on in my head (does the kid need a car seat, how can I sort that out, what day won't clash with anything else, is that the day the plumber is coming, can I safely get away with a play date whilst there's someone in....) so that sometimes "Oh, by the way, I have a dog" doesn't make it to the top of the list. It's nothing to do with thinking one of my kids has four legs. It's because I'm not perfect and don't remember everything all the time.

So ask me, if you are worried, or you know your kid is scared, or even more importantly if they have an allergy. I am more than happy to discuss it with you, I don't mind keeping the dog out of the way in advance, I will even (get this) be able to see from the child's reaction if they are scared and do something about it. (Actually, I usually realise as I welcome people to the front door if I haven't mentioned the dog and don't let her out until I've checked with them).

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 21:57

If you have allergies you really do need to take responsibility for your own children and ASK.

If I went into a restaurant and was allergic to something I wouldnt expect the restaurant to guess. I would ask them. FGS - all this well I need to know this that and the other. If it is important to you - ask.....

exoticfruits · 26/03/2013 21:57

If a child and parent knows you well enough to be invited around would they not know you had a dog? I would have thought they would have seen you out walking them.

Original poster
kawliga · 26/03/2013 22:03

Exotic, funny you should ask because I've seen ALL the other dogs for families in dd's class. We meet them out and about with their dogs. Really don't know why this particular family has never taken their truly gigantic and scary dog that is larger than most children out walking with them. Are they ashamed of it, unable to control it, who knows? That's part of the reason I was shocked to be met by it at the door. You only meet that dog if you actually enter their house and I had never entered their house before. I don't know when they walk it, maybe at night when everyone else is asleep Confused maybe it frightens the neighbourhood children?

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 26/03/2013 22:06

ds2 used to be scared of dogs when little and he just stopped getting invites to houses with dogs (I can understand why tbh). Then we got out own, he morphed into a dog whisperer and he started being invited again.

I'm too busy worrying about how visiting children will cope with ds1 to worry about the dog or cat or guinea pigs so no I don't tend to warn anyone. If they had a problem with the dog I would just keep him with me away from them. It doesn't occur to me to ask anyone whether they have a dog either if the kid's are visiting somewhere.

Original poster
kawliga · 26/03/2013 22:07

Sorry, I'm embellishing there a little, the dog is not scary as such (it is friendly) it is the size of the dog and especially its standing height (on its hind paws with its front paws on your shoulders) that are scary. I will stop there, I sense myself becoming more and more unreasonable the more I describe that dog. I guess feeling afraid is not a reasonable feeling but that doesn't make it easy to shake the feeling.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 26/03/2013 22:07

And if allergies then yes you need to tell the parents. The boys were all on special diets when younger and I would tell the parents and provide food. I wouldn't expect them to rustle up something gluten free.

nkf · 26/03/2013 22:10

Probably the dog owners should say and the visitors should ask. But if you don't own dogs, you don't tend to think about them. And if you do own dogs, you think they are part of the family and all that.

exoticfruits · 26/03/2013 22:11

Something they should tell you about then. A dog that size must need a lot of exercise.

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 22:17

Kawliga - tbh if I may say -I dont think its your children that has an issue with dogs - its you.

You dont like them which is fine but your children could be meeting dogs on a daily basis. Please dont make them have the same fears as you. I believe you said 'cowering in a corner' and then said that was made up....

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 22:19

They actually dont need huge amounts of exercise and 10-11 is old whereas smaller dogs can live for another few years.

HollaAtMeBaby · 26/03/2013 22:24

YANBU. I wouldn't be comfortable visiting a house with a big dog and certainly wouldn't knowingly send a child to one. Let alone a giant rottweiler that is apparently under-exercised (never seen out walking) and under-trained (jumped up on you when you arrived).

tollyandfeste · 26/03/2013 22:30

I always tell people who visit with children we have dogs. However this is because I want to be sure the children know to behave appropriately and not pester/annoy the dog. I would not shut dog away this is his home (unless he was naughty, which he isn't). I have however been tempted in the past to ask a few parents to shut their children away when they have invited me over!!!! Wink

Original poster
kawliga · 26/03/2013 22:31

Thanks for your questions exotic they have made me realise where my uneasy feeling probably came from. Thinking about it most people somehow manage to mention their dogs if you chat frequently so you tend to just somehow know if people have a dog from general chit chat and I have never heard this mother mention her dog ever. This is someone I see every day (twice a day). A colleague at work got a new puppy and she brought pictures to work to show everyone Hmm so I think this is why it seemed really odd that this mum didn't mention the dog.

Ok, thanks everyone for going patiently round and round in circles on this one I've learnt a lot about dogs and dog owners!

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 26/03/2013 22:37

If its really that big it probably isn't walked because it's got issues with its joints - they're only supposed to be about 2 inches bigger than a Labrador...