to think if you have a giant rottweiler you should say so when you invite children to play?

[kawliga]

Or is it up to me, whenever my daughter is invited to play with schoolfriends to ask their parents 'by the way, might you happen to have a giant rottweiler the size of a small tractor in your house'?

This was a friendly dog and dd is not frightened of dogs, but we don't have dogs ourselves so she is also not used to them. This dog, the sheer size of it, could knock a grown man over even if it's just playing. When I arrived to pick her up DD was cowering in the corner although later she told me she had fun playing there, so no harm done. Just feel a bit uneasy. I feel like I should have known so I could say something like 'there's a big dog there but it's friendly so don't worry' before she went there to play. AIBU?

[ZZZenAgain]

YANBU breed is not irrelevant to me either.

[kawliga]

maisie it wasn't just made up, it was my assessment from what I saw when I arrived and what I know about my daughter. Somebody said maybe she was just too busy playing and didn't want to come out and I agree that's possible but I think it's more likely that she was hiding away from the dog and scared to come out. I admit I could be wrong in my interpretation since I couldn't actually see her but I didn't just make it up. True though that this could be entirely my issue, that's why I didn't ask dd anything about the dog as she might sense my anxiety and become anxious too even if she initially wasn't.

She came out quietly and didn't say anything, which is unlike her. Doesn't prove anything I know but it's possible that I was right about why she was not coming out. I know how she normally behaves on playdates.

[olgaga]

olgaga - why?

Olgaga, you seem to be mistaken.
Staffies can be the gentlest dogs ever.

I'm sure some are very gentle. It's the irresponsible owners who think their dog is a "gentle breed" and well trained, would never attack.

Owners like you are actually the ones who worry me the most, despite your plainly good intentions. You seem to have absolutely no understanding of the sheer unpredictability of an animal with a jaw pressure of over 200lb, and the damage it can do.

[olgaga]

And I meant to say, it's not really about one particular breed. As many dog owners on this thread have pointed out.

The point is, a large muscular dog will tend to have bigger jaws and can do much more damage, both with their jaws and simply knocking young children over and causing a panic - which can in turn provoke the dog to aggression.

[HotCrossPun]

Olga The fact is, the misconceptions about Staffies attract irresponsible owners.

Even though Staffies are wonderful with families (they are known as 'Nanny dogs') most of the time when you hear of these terrible stories about children being bitten, the dogs aren't with a loving family and then just 'snap.'

Most of the time they have been bought for the purpose of dog fighting, or as a status symbol and baited and 'toughened up' accordingly, by brainless idiots who have know idea about how to treat an animal.

As I said before OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I can fully understand why people are wary of certain dogs, especially around children.

When we first moved in to our building, some of the children were scared of our Staffie. Now they all run over if they see us out walking him and want to cuddle him.

[AllPurposeNortherner]

YANBU.

[MousyMouse]

ya (sort of) nbu
I'm very allergic to dogs so I would ask before going to a playdate/sending my dc there if there are any pets. the breed is not as important to me. if there were a dog I would have to decline and maybe ask the other dc to comme to play at my home instead.

[CocoNutter]

I'd always mention my dog, and the breed (but because of its size, not because of characteristics). I'm quite aware that a lot of adults are scared of dogs, let alone children, and I always make it clear I'm happy to shut the dog in another room / outside (if weather appropriate!) if they're not comfortable with it. It's just polite, IMHO. You also never know if someone is allergic to pets.

Breed is often largely irrelevant when it comes to doggie personality, as it's the owner that has the most bearing on how the dog is (with some exceptions, eg some rescue dogs, and also a lot of breeds have certain traits - but a responsible owner will be aware of these and know how to manage them). Some of the most aggressive dogs I've known have been the smallest. (And, incidentally, there are more labrador bits than rottweiler bites recorded every year).

All of this aside, I stand by my original point - it's just polite to mention it!

[MeerkatMerkin]

YABU.

If you had worded your post "AIBU to think if you have a dog you should say so when you invite children to play?" I would say YANBU.

But I really don't think it has anything to do with whether it's a rottweiler or a chihuahua. Properly supervised, there should be no problem with dogs of any breed with a sound nature. If the dog is unpredictable with strangers, the family should have the sense to keep the dog separate from visitors.

I, myself, might like to know if there is a dog at the house my DC is playing at, because he is a bit over-confident and over-affectionate with dogs, so I would probably ask the parent to keep a special eye to make sure he doesn't wind the dog up.

I tell people that are coming to my house that I have a dog in case of allergies or phobias. I wouldn't lock my dog away for the sake of visitors - I can always go to their house or meet someone else, but my dog lives there and I always supervise contact between her and children, so why should she be locked away? Sometimes I put her behind the babygate if there are kids chasing her/pulling her tail/cuddling her too enthusiastically because I recognise that it is uncomfortable for her - even if she happily tolerates it!

Just today I had two toddlers (2yo) and a newborn with her in the room. She allowed herself to be cuddled and mauled by the toddlers then settled on the sofa next to the newborn (not mine), gave her head a good sniff and promptly dozed off. She's a staffy. I'm glad my friends aren't neurotic/phobic/allergic. :)

[ElectricSheep]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-21321953

YANBU

That's six children and one adult killed by dogs in the last six years

Dogs should not be expected to behave as 'one of the family'. People should respect the fact that they are animals with very different needs to a human.
Children that a dog doesn't know, noisily playing or being boisterous, in the dog's territory are much more at risk of being bitten or attacked.

[MeerkatMerkin]

*meet SOMEWHERE else - I'm not that much of a cowbag!

[LilyAmaryllis]

YANBU

Also it doesn't sound as if the parents were making sure your DD was having a good time

[MidniteScribbler]

No, I wouldn't mention my dogs when arranging a playdate. That said, almost everyone knows I am the crazy dog lady, and if they've seen my car, well it's a big 4WD with dog cages built in the back of it, and my breeders prefix and pawprint stickers across the back window, so not hard to figure out.

I put four of my dogs down the kennels when visitors come anyway, as it saves me worrying about kids leaving doors or gates open by accident. The old girl stays in the house, but she's 13, and aside from a quick peek around the corner to see if the visitors are anyone of interest, she'll just go back to her preferred spot on my bed for the rest of the day. I usually shut the baby gate (more to keep kids out than her in), but she's fully therapy certified, and until two years ago when she retired, she would visit the children's hospital once a week to cuddle and play with the kids there, so I'm really not concerned about her. Three of the other four are certified to go in to schools as part of the Pets Education program we have over here (one is still a puppy and too young to be tested), so people are generally asking me if they can bring their kids over particularly to meet my dogs and get their children used to being around them, because they know they are safe with children.

Children can be unpredictable, and if the dog isn't used to be exposed to children and their noise, then the owners need to take steps to ensure the safety of all (a dog can be damaged by an overenthusiastic child just as much as the other way around). But a well trained and socialised dog who knows the rules and their place in the pack should be able to interact happily with well trained and socialised children.

[midastouch]

I agree with MeerkatMerkin i would be mroe concerned about a chihuhua than a rottweiler thought!
Rottweilers are generally not what i would call giant, big yes, but not giant.

[runningforme]

YANBU anyone who says otherwise is one of them lot who put animals before people. It's just polite and would give you the opportunity to decline if you have a child who is scared

[MidniteScribbler]

runningforme, why do you need to tell someone there if a dog is you're a responsible owner? A responsible owner is someone who would keep the dog away from a child who was scared, and wouldn't allow them to jump all over children. Just because I own five dogs doesn't mean a child who is frightened of dogs shouldn't come here. I'm smart enough, and responsible enough to keep my dogs away from the children, particularly if they are scared.

Where do you draw the line? I have a dam, but it's fully fenced, same as if it were a swimming pool. Do I have to tell parents that? The neighbours cat sometimes comes and suns itself on the porch. Does that need to be disclosed? Native birds come and sit in the trees outside my verandah. Better tell someone in case the children don't like birds. It gets ridiculous. Surely you either trust the person to keep your child safe, or you decline the invitation (or stay). Isn't that just common sense?

[midori1999]

YABU.

If you think parents should tell you they have a dog (or cat or other furry) due to potential allergies/dislikes, then that fine. It's unreasonable to think they should tell you that the dog is a Rottweiler. They don't come in 'giant' versions anyway, they are a large breed. not a 'giant' one.

I have to admit, I probably wouldn't tell parents I had dogs if their children were coming round. Most people who know me know I have dogs anyway, but I don't like to subject my dogs to children I don't know very well, as I have no idea what other DC may think is an acceptable way to behave towards dogs and I don't want children trying to cuddle/prod/poke them. My own DC know how to treat my dogs respectfully. So, if I have visiting children, I put the dogs in the utility room.

[MrRected]

YABU to have expected to be told that they had a dog.

They, however, WBVVU by not locking the dog up for the duration of the playdate. I have two meek & mild whippets - truly the woosiest dogs to EVER walk this earth. I still put them in the garden, away from the children when we have kids over for a play.

I would never forgive myself if there was an incident and one of the dogs scratched (reasonably likely as they are very affectionate and often gently jump up) or even worse bit a visiting child.

[spottyock]

YANBU

[Emilythornesbff]

YANBU

I have no time for irresponsible dog owners.

Others have already given the stats about the frequency of dog attacks and the risks to young children.

Even if the dog is friendly the fact of its size means it could seriously injury a child by knocking it over. The claws of dogs are not retractable and easily slice a deep permanent scar into the face of a child jut by "friendly" pawing.
Not only should they have let you know so you could never darken their door talk to your dd beforehand, but they haven't trained it not to jump up!!
WhT's the matter with them?
The dog should have been shut away from peopl if it can't be trusted to not jump up.

Oh, and the one thing that all the dogs in the news who've fatally attacked children in someone's home have in common is that they were "friendly family pets" who'd never done it before.

Fucking dogs! or rather irresponsible owners!

So, to be cear: YANBU.

[Emilythornesbff]

Apologies for shocking spelling (feeding baby while using I pad)

[AlanMoore]

I wouldn't necessarily say I had a dog (don't have one at the moment) but I would keep my dog safely shut away from visiting children. I grew up with dogs and know how to behave around them but many children don't - for example my own DD is a bit scared of dogs and therefore I try and keep her away from them unless I know the owner and they can vouch for the dog's temperament, then I supervise her ultra closely.

Children make funny high pitched noises and sudden movements and do things that a lot of dogs don't like, eg try to hug them, pull ears/tails and I don't think it's fair to dog or child to put them in a situation that could be dangerous.

We have a cat and the dc are not left alone with him in case they hurt/scare him and he reacts in turn.

Yesterday's tragic case is similar to others in recent years in that the child killed was not resident in the home where the dogs attacked. If you notice it is almost always grandma's dog/auntie's dog/friend's dog, or a very young baby, so a child unfamiliar to the dogs.

[Emilythornesbff]

So of they had said they had a dog you could have said "oh, that's nice
I assume you keep it in a separate room when children are playing here."

[DumSpiroSpero]

Yanbu, I would definitely want to know &, probably meet the dog myself before letting my DD go round there.

I will admit that is sure to me having had 2 or 3 bad experiences with dogs as a child/teen.

That said, we have various friends with bull mastiffs, boxers, a visla and a staffy cross. The only dog that has ever snapped at DD (twice) is my BIL's cocker spaniel.

I would really struggle if we were invited anywhere with a German Shepherd though tbh.

[bochead]

Yes they should tell you.

We have one little friend who can't come over to play as he's very, very allergic to animal dander and our home is a shoebox. I don't want to make anyone ill! Some children are terrified of dogs and I will not be the one to force them.

From my perpspective as a dog owner it is very helpful to me to know if a child is "dog trained". our whippet is as gentle as anything but even the gentlest most docile animal could potentially turn if poked in the eye by a child who just doesn't know better.

If I know the child is not used to animals I can do a proper introduction - showing the child it's nice to stoke gently but not to prod the animal with pointy things etc. I also let all children know that if the dog retreats to her bed after a game they must not follow and disturb her as she needs a wee break.

I can basically ensure that the experience is a fun, pleasant one for animal and child. Unless I'm sure a child is "dog-trained" after observing a series of visits, I ensure that the dog is NEVER left alone with the child if I need to pop to the loo or anything. As the adult I'm 100% responsible for what happens in my home, not the child and not the dog.

It might sound like I'm being overfussy but people forget even well-trained, superb family pets feel pain & can react.