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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you have a giant rottweiler you should say so when you invite children to play?

239 replies

kawliga · 26/03/2013 10:10

Or is it up to me, whenever my daughter is invited to play with schoolfriends to ask their parents 'by the way, might you happen to have a giant rottweiler the size of a small tractor in your house'?

This was a friendly dog and dd is not frightened of dogs, but we don't have dogs ourselves so she is also not used to them. This dog, the sheer size of it, could knock a grown man over even if it's just playing. When I arrived to pick her up DD was cowering in the corner Sad although later she told me she had fun playing there, so no harm done. Just feel a bit uneasy. I feel like I should have known so I could say something like 'there's a big dog there but it's friendly so don't worry' before she went there to play. AIBU?

OP posts:
IEatCakeInBed · 26/03/2013 17:50

When we had one of our first playdates at our house (once we had our cat), the visiting child had a massive meltdown when she saw him in the dining room (just sleeping there, not even moving!). Lots of uncontrollable screaming and tears followed, she had a genuine fear, it was terrible.

It taught me a lesson and I always mention the cat beforehand now, and usually stick him in the garden/our bedroom.

Echocave · 26/03/2013 17:50

I think YANBU actually. Dogs get a bad press and responsible owners should show that they're aware that kids without dogs don't always know how to deal with them and may get nipped. The line about 'my dog would never..' is utter bull I'm afraid. And I say that as someone who grew up with dogs and now has 2.

Not all children who don't have dogs like them very much either. T

CandyCrushed · 26/03/2013 17:53

YANBU. It is not unusual for children to be either scared or allergic of dogs so I would always mention if I owned a dog, especially a big one.

babybythesea · 26/03/2013 17:56

"Bearing in mind the news today, I would want to know, and I don't care who that offends. Cats, parrots and chicken nuggets don't kill in packs of 5 "

I don't think a single person on here has said they'd be offended - you're adding up 2 and 2 and reaching 7. A few of us with dogs have said they might not remember to tell you, is all.

So ask, if you want to know. I wouldn't not tell you we have a dog out of spite but because it doesn't always occur to me to mention it.

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 18:00

I find having a big dog myself that its the parents that are making the children scared. They often have their own issues which they then pass onto their children.

I have have one child literally pinned to the wall when our dog came wandering out because apparently their mother had said you need to try and make yourself invisble when a dog appears so that they dont notice you!

crashdoll · 26/03/2013 18:00

There have been some ridiculous sweeping statements about dog owners. Hmm

I have a dog and YANBU. I would mention it incase the child had an allergy or a fear.

Owllady · 26/03/2013 18:01

I hadn't seen what had been reported in the news, how awful

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 18:04

I guess what I am saying is that there is danger everywhere if one looks for it. Isnt it one child a week that is killed by a family member or 'boyfriend/relative' of the child. Someone please correct me if I am wrong on this one.

Shocking stats and at one time every week there seemed to be a news report about young babies and toddlers being killed within a family.

fieldfare · 26/03/2013 18:05

Yabu, it really wouldn't occur to me to mention it for a play date. In the same way as I would expect a parent to inform me of a nut allergy for example I would expect them to inform me of a pet allergy or any other issues!

Echocave · 26/03/2013 18:11

It's not just about allergies fieldfare, it's about not always knowing how to behave with a dog.

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 18:12

I did have a parent a few years ago often ask me to help out urgently if she was stuck at work and couldnt do a pick up. She didnt ask that often and of course looking after her DS for an hour or do was fine. After about 2 years to rang me very concerned that her DS had mentioned for the first time that we had a dog and shouldnt I have told her.....

She asked what breed it was as the child had forgotten. Well, you can guess the rest! She thought I was joking at first and then informed me that she wouldnt be asking me to do any pick ups again.....

And this was after 2 YEARS of her son coming to us. He told my DS many months later he missed our dog and the tricks she would do for him.

twooter · 26/03/2013 18:13

Maybe the figures are skewed away from big dog attacks, because children are less likely to go up to them.

I think YANBU. You didn't know the dog, you didn't even know they had a dog, so you would have had no idea how sensible or how much control they had over the dog.

It might be a lovely dog, but what if the children start play fighting and it doesn't realise? Who do you think it would protect?

MimsyBorogroves · 26/03/2013 18:14

YABU, but on the other hand I DO always tell people we have cats and dogs. I also put the staffie in a room where the children don't go purely because I know a lot of people don't like them, and I'd rather that than listen to gossip about my child-eating hound. (Incidentally, she has yet to ingest any part of any child. Though my own sometimes come close to drowning through her over eager licking).

Ghanagirl · 26/03/2013 18:16

Smoking definitely as it's dangerous inhaling 2nd hand fumes particulary if child asthmatic

fieldfare · 26/03/2013 18:22

Echocave then parents should ideally take it upon themselves to teach children how to interact with animals. It's as an important a life skill as swimming and road safety IMO.

maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 18:25

I agree Field. It IS a life skill. Dogs are everywhere and you need to learn to deal with them just like you learn to cross the road, and learn to swim.

Booboostoo · 26/03/2013 18:29

It is important to have a perspective on the danger posed by dogs, because an exaggerated fear response by parents will only make children more fearful and less likely to know how to behave around dogs (thus more likely to get bitten).

This is an interesting statistic from the US:

in 1997 1196 children were killed, 75% by their parents, 10% by other relatives

between 1989 and 1994 45 children (ages birth to 4) were killed by dogs,

as an estimate from above then during this five year period the figures are 5980 by humans vs 45 by dogs.

Hawkmoon269 · 26/03/2013 18:29

Yanbu. At all.

My dc are not allergic to dogs or scared of them. But the other parents won't know that unless they ask me...

Also, please don't jump on me but I'M scared of Rottweilers. I would be nervous about meeting a Rottweiler at pick up time and would worry about my child.

I'm not scared of most dogs. Just a few of the big ones with huge teeth. Blush

LibertineLover · 26/03/2013 18:42

Oh blimey, I just read the girl being killed by 5 dogs story, how very very sad

Original poster
kawliga · 26/03/2013 18:52

Echocave then parents should ideally take it upon themselves to teach children how to interact with animals. It's as an important a life skill as swimming and road safety IMO.

Um, fieldfare, that's the point of the thread, how can parents without dogs teach the children to behave around dogs if people don't reveal they have them, so the first the guests know is when they are surprised by being jumped on by a huge tractor of a rottie at the door? The teaching opportunity is totally lost at that point. Sure lots of people have dogs, I'm not surprised to encounter them, but unless I live a very sheltered life I don't think lots of people have rotties the size of a grizzly bear. This was my first time ever to be jumped on by one. Surely it's unusual enough to be worth a wee heads up.

OP posts:
maisiejoe123 · 26/03/2013 18:55

Hawk - I do understand. I think our rottie is very handsome. Others believe that they well portrayed in the Omen as the protectors of the devils child!

Owners have a responsibility to ensure that big dogs are properly trained - perhaps more so than the other smaller dogs. It is an essential.

I just saw the news report about the 14 year old. I dont know anything about the owners but what is the betting that they are owned by the feckless who have not taken owning large dogs seriously if at all... I would be staggered if they dogs had been trained in any way (apart from perhaps being trained to be more aggressive or to fight with each other while the owners are goading them on.

I would like to be proved wrong but whats the betting there is a feckless family in all of this. What was a 14 year old doing in the house on her own? Where were her parents? Where were the owners of the dogs? I love dogs and I wouldnt be in a house with 4 clearly out of control dogs on my own and I have done extensive training with mine.

stressyBessy22 · 26/03/2013 18:59

YANBU. Some of my Dc were frightened of dgs when they were little, but owners always kept them (the dogs) shut up when they visited

yabu though to talk about your child cowering in a corner, when you later say you made that bit up!!

LibertineLover · 26/03/2013 19:00

No I don't think it is, like I said (and yes, this thread is going round in circles) most of our friends have doges, we live in the country, we walk to school with the dog every day with the dog, he's a big dog BTW, but regardless, it's notsomething I would think to mention if someone was coming round. If you're scared of dogs, or your children are, or allergic, ask?!

Original poster
kawliga · 26/03/2013 19:00

Two bull mastiffs and two staffordshire terriers in that tragic case. Are people still saying size/breed is irrelevant?

OP posts:
Echocave · 26/03/2013 19:07

I normally steer clear of dog threads (!) but I do think its hard for some kids to understand about not poking dogs in the eye etc (I'm talking quite young children obviously). And sometimes people are scared of dogs which is understandable.
I'm not sure the breed is always relevant although I was scared of my pal's Dachsund when I was a child - just because it barked a lot and our dogs were the silent dopey types!

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