Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny spotted reading magazine whilst child at playbarn

295 replies

zebedeethezebra · 25/03/2013 14:04

AIBU to be annoyed at my nanny for reading a wedding magazine whilst 3 year old DS is at a playbarn, or do all nannies think it is reasonable to behave like this??

She was spotted by one of my friends the other week. I don't mind her having a coffee or something whilst she is there, but I expect her to keep an eye on DS, not have her nose buried in a magazine. Particularly on the money we pay her.

OP posts:
shewhowines · 25/03/2013 21:44

And their environments aren't even foam!

GoshAnneGorilla · 25/03/2013 22:10

YANBU - to start this thread. I've been needing a distraction, this thread has served that purpose wonderfully.

Turniphead1 · 25/03/2013 23:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Groovee · 25/03/2013 23:10

I did once tell a parent about their nanny after the parent questioned why her son kept coming to me while they were in the soft play. Her son had been having a rough time with other children picking on him and the nanny ignoring him, having brought friends with her. So I comforted him and told the others off. Then at a weekend he spied me and kept coming to me. The nanny was not amused the next time she saw me as she'd been banned from seeing her friends during working times unless they were nannies.

If the child is being ignored then fair enough to be cross but if the child is settled and happy, then I wouldn't make an issue of it.

sweetiepie1979 · 25/03/2013 23:10

Yes your been unreasonable! Your friends motivation for telling you is more worrying.

ApocalypseThen · 25/03/2013 23:11

Is the real problem here that she's being paid for this time when, instead of assiduously going about her employer's business with unwavering grit and determination regardless of whether it's necessary, she's swanning around flicking through bridal magazines on the OP's time?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 25/03/2013 23:19

Yabu. Look after your own child if it means so much to you.

Lilipaddle · 25/03/2013 23:35

YANBU. I was a nanny before DD's birth. I wouldn't have been reading a magazine, I would have been watching him.

She is being trusted, she should be engaging with him, making sure he is safe and actually being a nanny, not just glancing up every so often.
With your own children, do what you like, but with someone elses you should be giving them your all. At a nursery staff wouldn't be flicking through magazines, so why should a nanny.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 26/03/2013 04:04

There is something between standing over your kid and ignoring them completely for 30 minutes. If you are good at multi-tasking you can read and keep an eye/ear out for kerfuffles/tumbles.

Now a 6-18 month old, yeah, you are pretty much trailing them if they are more than about 6 feet away even in a soft play area just for littlies and you have your eyes on them all the time, but three year olds are perfectly capable of being independent for five minutes at a time. Somehow you have to get your child from a 12 month old with constant supervision when awake and active to a reception age child who is capable of going all day without one-on-one supervision. Three is rather closer to the school end than the one-on-one constant end. How exactly is your precious going to manage on the school playground if they don't have some lead up time?

ComposHat · 26/03/2013 04:29

YABVU she was reading a magazine not injecting heroin into her eyeballs.

Mind you she is BU for wasting good money on a wedding mag. Surely you could have provided her with a copy of razzle for such occasions?

Goldmandra · 26/03/2013 08:52

At a nursery staff wouldn't be flicking through magazines, so why should a nanny.

No they would be keeping an eye on and interacting with half a dozen other children, making arrangements with other staff, setting up and clearing away activities, welcoming and handing over children, making notes of WOW moments, etc, all the while being vigilant for any mishaps, squabbles which need their intervention. Hopefully for some of each day the children will all get a small amount of one to one attention which complements their independent play.

shewhowines · 26/03/2013 08:58

At a nursery staff wouldn't be flicking through magazines, so why should a nanny.

And they'd get breaks and lunch to read their magazine

catkind · 26/03/2013 09:56

I wouldn't read a book if i was at soft play with my 3 yr old. I think actually home is a safer place for a carer to take a break and read a magazine while child is busy playing with their own toys and she'd hear and see any upset. I wouldn't be helicoptering btw, he probably wouldn't know i was keeping tabs, but I would be. I would suggest if OP's friend was concerned enough to tell her then nanny probably did have nose stuck in magazine ignoring child, not just glancing through. OP, you know your friend and your nanny best to judge what the actual scenario was.

TheSeventhHorcrux · 26/03/2013 10:20

I think those on here that say they would constantly supervise in a play barn need to go and work a full 60 hour week as a Nanny looking after someone else's house and children and then come back and say whether or not you appreciate a rest in an otherwise unrelenting work day.

Maryz · 26/03/2013 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supergreenuk · 26/03/2013 10:27

It seems a reasonable thing to expect her to do but your the parent. She may not realise this is unacceptable to you so you need to address it calmly with her and she will know in future. I think your reaction is maybe a bit over dramatic so YABU.
I am a mum but I used to he a nanny and some unhelpful parent told tales on me. The child I was looking after wanted to go into pre school by herself. Obviously unacceptable so I would let her go in but I would watch until she was fully through the door. Instead of asking me about it and asking me to not do that she fired me without even going through any process. Not very helpful at all.

VikingLady · 26/03/2013 10:29

You know, the only time DD (13m) has been hurt at soft play it has been by being barged out of thhe way by helicopter parents who are sooooo concerned about their own spoilt brats darling children that they don't pay attention to the small child they are trampling behind them.

And I only take her to nice soft play places, and keep an eye on her whilst having coffee and chatting to friends. About the same level of attention as reading a magazine.

Op, I would not say you are an arse, as that is not allowed by MNHQ. But you are voicing opinions that sound arsey - just letting you know!

ppeatfruit · 26/03/2013 12:10

Yes catkind There is a wide gulf in always obsessively watching and interfering with yr L.O.s whatever they're doing and wherever they are and keeping an eye on them when they are somewhere that COULD be risky (of course it depends on many variables).

IMO it's a bit sad and juvenile that there are some posters on here who are being personally insulting

TheSeventh I was a full time nanny and before that a full time C.M. paid very badly paid BTW and I STILL would keep an eye on my charges in a soft play area . Yes have a coffee and chat but not read a magazine.

ppeatfruit · 26/03/2013 12:12

'paid' once of course Grin.

MansView · 26/03/2013 14:56

RE : I don't mind her having a coffee

how fucking gracious of you

haha... :)

KatyTheCleaningLady · 26/03/2013 15:02

The first playbarn I ever went to when I was new to the UK and had a two-year-old was in the Forrest of Dean and it wasn't secure. My kid kept escaping and being found in the kitchen or the goat barn (in his stocking feet!) It seemed to defeat the point of the place, so I stopped going.

I've been to some that are easy to keep an eye on whilst reading, and I've been to some where you could hardly find your kid when it was time to go (Socks-n-Slides in Dumbarton was like this) but they had a cafe and seating area and it was totally normal to just sit and let the kids go. They did have a lot of CCTV monitors, although even finding my kids on those were hard. I don't remember there ever being a problem there, though. It was just set up to be a place where kids could play while their carers/parents relaxed.

I wouldn't go to a place where I actually had to watch my kid. If I'm going to do that, I'll take them somewhere like a museum.

If the play area in the OP is a decent one, and there aren't any problems there, then I think the nanny should be able to relax and have a flick through a magazine.

There's a web site in NYC called "Is This Your Nanny?" where people take photos of "bad" nannies they see at parks. Sometimes, they report real issues ("Nanny yanked child's arm and screamed at him.") but often it's "Nanny let child play on slide alone while texting on her phone." That strikes me as mean.

cumfy · 26/03/2013 15:13

I think the two of you need to agree clearly what her responsibilities are.

Smuffy · 26/03/2013 16:04

good lord OP YAB completely and utterly fucking barkingingly U.

I feel so sorry for nannies and CMs nowadays, the majority of parents expect them to literally take their eye balls out and glue them on to their children. If the soft play area is not safe enough for Precious to actually play in for 10 mins without having someone stand over them then its clearly not safe enough and Precious shouldn't be there in the first bloody place.

FrankSpenser · 26/03/2013 16:19

Come back OP. You're sound far too bonkers and entertaining to flounce yet!

BTW your friend sounds a snake in the grass.

Nothing wrong in flicking through the pages of a magazine IMO. YABU.

alemci · 26/03/2013 16:39

wouldn't you do the same yourself? I know i would read the paper or magazine whilst at home with my dc etc. I suppose the nanny is in paid employment but as long as she was keeping her eye on your dc so what.

Swipe left for the next trending thread