I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

[Fisharefriendsnotfood]

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused . Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep.

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

I find it hard enough with 1 toddler - and my DH is fab.

OP my biggest sympathies. Hope you manage to get some sort of rest soon. YANBU. Ignore the posters who are being less than supportive.

[attheendoftheday]

My dp owns and runs his own business, he also helps with night waking at least once a night. He has not died of exhaustion, nor his business failed. Your dp is being a selfish arse and I angry for you.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

My DH and I take it in turns to get up overnight. He works full time and worked this weekend while I looked after a poorly DS. He still got up last night with him and went to work today. Why? Because as parents we are a team. It's not a competition as to who works the most hours.

He has time to go drinking? Have you been out recently OP?

[MrsLouisTheroux]

You're exhausted and if he's working long hours and weekends, he is too.
It looks like your DH is assuming your roles are traditional - he works long hours, uou look after the DC.
It's horrible but unless the DC are always ill, you have to just ride the storm.
Having 3 young DC is a massive job for anyone but I've got to say, you chose to do it.

[mrsbungle]

OP, I agree your DH is being a prick. Of course he could have got up 1 hour early to let you have an hour - work or no work.

I really feel for you, I just went back to work after a years maternity leave (with my second). At the end of my first day one of my colleagues said to me - "are you really tired after your first day back?"

I said "are you having a laugh? I have sat on my arse all day drinking coffee, I've not been less tired in a long time!"

I found it hard just with two, my baby has lots of ear infections. It's a killer and, like you, I have no family near by.

I think you need to sit him down tonight and tell him that you feel very unsupported and that he needs to step up. If he doesn't, as the others have said, go on strike.

I know it seems like it will never pass, all this sleep deprivation, but it will. Hopefully it will be a bit better soon when your DD is better from her tonsilitis. Things WILL improve. xx

[dreamingbohemian]

I'm so sorry OP.

I wonder if it would get through to your DH if you presented it like this:

"We have a serious problem. I haven't had more than 4 hours sleep in a year, and I seriously feel like I'm about to have a physical and/or mental breakdown. I'm not exaggerating. If that happens, it won't be about getting up an hour earlier, it will be not working at all for weeks and taking care of 3 children on your own, because I will be up in hospital.

So rather than getting to that point, what changes can we make so that I can get more rest?"

Then listen to what he has to say. Maybe he will respond better if he comes up with his own solutions in advance. Put everything on the table, including more childcare.

If he says he's not willing to do anything, then he is definitely a selfish prick and you need to seriously consider your options. At the very least, conserve your energy by not cooking or cleaning for him.

[mrsbungle]

Totally agree with Bohemian.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

For all those saying the OP should just suck it up, why does her 'D'H get to opt out of being a Dad? I didn't realise it was optional. Regardless of how long he works. He gets to go drinking though.

[projectbabyweight]

Agree with Bohemian.

I know your friends have dc too, but if one of my friends was feeling as bad as you, I'd happily take 1 or 2 of yours for a couple of hours - maybe ask them?

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

Well I would pop the three and five year old in bed with him, pop baby in car seat or bouncy chair in same room and lock myself in a lovely hot shower for three quarters of an hour.

Running a business does not mean he has the right to eight hours sleep a night. Plenty of people in high powered or responsible positions sleep on less.

Don't let him get away with it. Seriously. He's not that special.

[stressyBessy22]

But you have the opportunity to doze in the day - he doesn't.Round the Dc up childproof the room put on some kids programmes and sleep on the sofa.
I am sorry if I sound a bit harsh but I think you need to teach them to be a bit more independent. a 3 yr old can get up and put themself back into bed.
At 6 o clock why was your DD getting up if she was ill ? you had already given her calpol and a drink an hour before.

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

Doze during the day? Really? Holy crap that must be the secret!

Honestly is the OP supposed to leave her children unattended whilst she has a quick kip on the sofa? Do people really do that?

Incredible.

[DiscoDonkey]

My dh owns and runs his own business, he has sole responsibility for earning money as I am a sahm. Both my children are at school. When me and ds2 were ill last week he got up in the night to ds2, played musical beds, did all the cooking, sent me back to bed when he got home from work and where he could came home in time to pick up ds1 from school.

When he was ill this weekend he stayed in bed all weekend, I looked after the ds's on my own and regularly took him food and tea. It's about caring when the person you are with is ill and struggling and sometimes that means shouldering extra burden on top of your regular responsibilities.

[Sirzy]

A 3 year old who has fallen out of bed will most likely to upset/scared/disorientated - would you really leave them to sort themselves out stressy?

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

Am flabbergasted that the 'working parent' s' sleep trumps a mother of three's. Truly. Working does not make her DH some sort of sleep consuming super hero launching out into the day to fight the good fight. FFS

OP - wake him during the night / sleep on the sofa at night with earplugs / anything to make the lazy fecker man up.

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

And laughing my arse off at 'making a three year old more independent.

[NorksAreMessy]

I completely agree with bohemian
I completely disagree with stressy

[ChunkyPickle]

I have a lovely DP who has a selfish streak (which he does try to moderate, and he takes critisism). He also works long hours - but we have only one child

In this situation I would also try to do most of it, because (in theory) I can nap the next day and he can't. But, by the time I was that exhausted I would (and have in the past) open the door to the bedroom, put our child on the bed, and told him that I needed to get an hour's sleep now, and our child was his problem for a bit. My DP at this point does just that, and gives me as long as he can before he has to go to work (he would probably go in late at that point, since it was clearly needed)

When DS was in hospital, I did the day shift, and DP stayed overnight with him and went to work in the day. That's what sharing a child with a self-confessed selfish man, but who isn't a prick, is like

[DeweyDecibelle]

All of you saying OP has the opportunity to nap during the day - all I can say is you must have been very lucky and had well behaved babies! I have one four month old who will only nap on me, or being pushed in her buggy. Cat nap? Impossible.

OP I hope you are feeling a bit better, I really feel for you and am sorry you've had such insensitive comments on here. Some people just really love to be bitches, ignore them.

I agree with Bohemian, have a talk with him and take it from there. You can't carry on the way you are right now and you must ensure he realises the severity of the situation.

Hugs and good luck. Hope 5yo is feeling better.

[Paleodad]

"a 3 yr old can get up and put themself back into bed."

seriously the funniest thing I have ever read on mn, ever.

being at home with 3 kids is working, and harder than going out to work, self-employed or not.

[ChunkyPickle]

ROFL I just caught up. I have a very independent 2.5 year-old who if I turned CBeebies on would not sit there quietly and watch so I could nap. He would be sitting on me, jumping on me, telling me what's going on (and levering my eyes open so I could see to). In fact, if he went quiet then I would be instantly awake because the chances are I'd find he'd escaped off out the room and was scaling the kitchen worksurfaces to look in the cupboards, or emptying the freezer!

[Wossname]

Fucking arf at the idea of cat napping with a sick 5 year old, a 3 year old and a bf baby. I have a 2 year old and a one year old and have never had the opportunity to 'cat nap'- I find the 3 days I work a bit of a break tbh.

Your husband is being an arsepart. I really hope you get the opportunity to get some sleep this week. It's bloody awful isn't it? I haven't had more than 3 hours unbroken sleep in at least a year and my husband is boss at getting up and helping in general.

[Spamspamspam]

Stressy has given me the biggest laugh ever on MN.

Honestly some people will resort to ANYTHING on AIBU to prove a yes you are point when there is absolutely no justification - it's beyond weird.

A three year old putting themselves back to bed whilst mother sleeps on ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Some people are just bitches OP just ignore