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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

500 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 06:19

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused Shock. Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep. HmmHmm

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP posts:
Original poster
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 07:09

It has been about 12 months since I got more than 4 hours sleep. It doesn't feel like its going to pass. I feel on the brink of collapse

OP posts:
ArseAche · 25/03/2013 07:10

my dh worked abroad alot during the week. Dc 3 was 5 days old and the others were 3 and 4. I had a caeseraian and nobody near to help, and he had to go on a business trip. I had the school and nursery run, plus all the usual, and I do know exactly how shite you feel today, so duvet day, and dh to bring a takeaway home. Hope you feel better.

Original poster
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 07:10

He was the one really wanting a dc3 too

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 25/03/2013 07:10

I think if he is working those hours he isn't being unreasonable but I understand how you feel. As a lone parent of 3 with no help you just learn to make things easy for yourself when you and/or the kids are ill - no ironing, the bare minimum of cooking/cleaning etc & lots of rest.

MummyNoName · 25/03/2013 07:11

Is your dh up now? He's had an hour.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/03/2013 07:13

But why is DH''s sleep more important? Both of you have to function. Looking after your dc is still work.

HollyBerryBush · 25/03/2013 07:13

the difference is: has all the burden and responsibility of keeping a roof over your heads.

You, whether you like it or not, can cat nap in the day and catch up on sleep.

I fully remember what it's like to have 3 under 5 at home and exactly how that compares to the pressure of being responsible for ringing home the bacon every month.

Original poster
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 07:16

How, exactly, am I supposed to cat nap during the day with a 3 year old, sick 5 year old and a teething 5 month old? Are you having a fucking laugh?????

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/03/2013 07:17

Does he help overnight?

christinarossetti · 25/03/2013 07:18

arse, this isn't a competition. I'm sure that OP will look back one day and think something along the lines of 'it was hard, but I did it'. But at the moment, she's wrecked.

Original poster
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 07:18

sirzy at weekends if I kick him hard enough.. He doesn't hear them. I woke him once last night

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 25/03/2013 07:19

Cat nap during the day? With 3 small children, one being ill and one bfing?

Really? Just really?

monkeysbignuts · 25/03/2013 07:19

Fish I am in the same boat as you (3 kids 5, 3 & 5 months)
I am sending you massive hugs, you must be shattered. Definitely a duvet day with lots of paracetamol and ibuprofen for the poorly lo. It will get easier for us soon x

allnewtaketwo · 25/03/2013 07:20

I never managed to catnap and I only had one (non sleeping) child

ArseAche · 25/03/2013 07:20

OP - I think you are going to screech at anyone on this thread who is either trying to help find a solution for you, or seeing your dh side of things. This is AIBU after all Grin

Make the lounge secure. Put the dvd on. you lie on sofa, you will always have one ear open,. You can nod on and off. It is what everyone has to do with dc your age who have kept you up and are ill. Single parents, sahm, everyone except those with nannies.

We do understand

christinarossetti · 25/03/2013 07:21

holly, if we're talking about 'burdens', OP has the 'burden' of single handedly being responsible for the welfare, nutrition, entertainment, health, hygiene, sleep etc etc needs of 3 other people.

I honestly don't think OP's dh has more burden to carry today.

MummyNoName · 25/03/2013 07:21

There's really no need to attack everyone who doesn't completely sympathise with you.

allnewtaketwo · 25/03/2013 07:21

OP do you have any family nearby?

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 25/03/2013 07:21

How the hell can someone 'catnap' with 3 DC's at home, one bf (and therefore young enough to need watched all the time), and one ill FGS?

He's a selfish ARSE. And yes, it DOES make him a prick. The poor OP has had less that 4 hrs of sleep a night for a whole year. So this ISN'T a one off incident. This is a sustained pattern of her partner being a selfish prick, and not giving a shit that the OP is severely sleep deprived.

Is he sleep deprived? Is he fuck. So getting up one hour early to give the woman he says he loves one measly fucking hour's sleep before she has to cope with HER day job (looking after the DC's) is nothing to him. It would mean the world to the OP though.

He's using the fact that he works as an excuse for leaving the OP feeling like shit.

I had that with my Ex. It didn't end well. We are no longer together because the resentment over his selfishness killed our relationship.

BettyStogs · 25/03/2013 07:21

Of course he could have got up at 6 instead of 7, he is acting like a selfish lazy arse.

MrsWolowitz · 25/03/2013 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allnewtaketwo · 25/03/2013 07:22

I think OP is at the end of her tether

LaTrucha · 25/03/2013 07:23

The catnap thing is a joke, no?

I am divided on the original question, but that is taking the piss.

ArseAche · 25/03/2013 07:23

christina - competition??? Hmm nearly every post i have written on this thread is saying i feel for the OP and her DH. Offering snippets of advice from experience, same as everyone else. competition? Hmm pmsl

christinarossetti · 25/03/2013 07:24

OP is exhausted and fuming. Look at the thread title.

I would imagine that she started this thread to off load, not to be told how much her dh needs his sleep or tales of heroically battling the school run solo 5 days after major surgery.

I'm sure OP appreciates useful advice, but being told that she can cat nap with 3 young children is fucking bonkers. Sorry, but it is.