I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

[Fisharefriendsnotfood]

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused . Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep.

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

You need to speak to him, get the kids in bed tonight and tell him exactly how you are feeling. Yes him not getting up in selfish but if you keep on doing it and putting on a brave face then nothing will change.

The way I see it: if you can spend half an hour on here wailing about the injustices of life, you could have productively used that time sleeping.

All you want us to do is validate your complaints and sooth you. Yes, sleep deprivation is horrible - but you know as well as I do, when everyone is under par all you do is huddle under duvets all day, dozing, shoving the odd DVD on. Don't take me for a mug and project that you are down on your knees blacking the grate and scrubbing the steps and doing a whole set of charades that would be worthy of Watch With Mother.

Holly do you know the meaning if the word empathy? You should take some time out to learn and acquire some

Holly

Sometimes you have to look to alternative sources of help when things are tough for both parents.

OP - will he have some time off over Easter?

christina - my point about surgery etc was that i know what it is like, having been there. it is hard, but you get through it. Of course you have chosen to read it entirely differently as if it is some kind of heroics, whch just makes me laugh as you know exactly why I wrote it!

Holly, if I could have used that time sleeping then I would have. You obviously have trouble understanding what I have written. Please understand I won't be responding to you again. uses up last ounce of strength being polite

Holly there is no need to be so horrid to the OP.

Fish - yANBu. My DH is self-employed and sole earner. He helps out with our kids in the night.

Do his earnings allow for any childcare or domestic help for you?

Oh and I'm not bfing by the way..

Nice hollyberrybush nice.

Op yanbu getting up an hour earlier so you can rest for an hour is not beyond your dh. You need to have words and explain exactly how hard you are working and he needs to start supporting you and treating you with respect.
If you carry n like this you will make yourself ill and he will have to pick up the slack and then he will find out how hard it is. Has he ever had the kids by himself?

He is away for 5 days over Easter, trade show. And was away 4 days last week and chose to stay up drinking till all hours the last night instead of resting so he could help me when he got back

Oh sorry, OP I just assumed that you were.

For why are you the only one getting up in the night then?

Competitive tiredness is awful. It's usually better to agree in advance who is going to do the night/ get up early. And it does need to be shared more equally.

I vote or an all out STRIKE!!!!

Have you any family or friends who could pop round and be in the lounge whilst you get a couple hours sleep?

So Holly the OP should be a martyr to motherhood? Just struggle on through but as long as her DH gets sleep that's ok? Is it bollocks.

Hey fish

I did it alone as I was an lp BUT if someone had been around I'd have made him do at least once a night. Yes he works but you are looking after 3 children, all of whom he wanted, & feeling on the edge. I fucking hate the 'oh I work so I don't have to help at all & can lord that over you' sort of attitude. Sorry but I'm sure you're looking after the house & cooking for him etc. I could understand more if you were well slept but you're not.

You need to express to him just how bad you feel & he really should give a shit if he's worth his salt as a partner/parent.

Sorry you feel so bad

It's not gang up on Holly day.
She's allowed an opinion!

C'mon ladies!

I don't know about holly's dh, but if she ever needed a listening ear, I hope she found one more sympathetic than the one she is providing for OP.

OP, the division of labour in your household needs to be explicitly and quickly addressed and agreements made. I do appreciate how you can get into a situation where you're doing everything because of pressures the other partner is under, but it's not working if you're in this state.

If dh is away a lot, do you think he really understands how exhausted you are? I know it seems completely obvious to most people who have been in that situation but, as he hasn't, you may need to spell it out to him.

absolutely agree mummynoname, as I said this is AIBU so one is allowed to disagree with the OP.
It did make me laugh imagining the blacking of the grate followed by charades worthy of watch with mother.

No family (from Ireland) and all friends either work or have their own young dc. I'll survive. I just don't see why it all has to fall on me ALL the time. I'm seriously afraid that I'm going to crack and walk out the door and never come back. I love dc3 but part of me wishes we had stopped at two.. Now you can really flame me.