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AIBU?

I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

500 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 06:19

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused . Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep.

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP posts:

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TwoBrasDontMakeABodice · 26/03/2013 15:25

Chin up sweetheart. You have a LOT going on with those ages!

MadameDefarge · 26/03/2013 14:05

I am constantly amazed at the amount of people who have more than one child with men they must will not put themselves out. just saying. and its abui not relationships before i get pounced on. but no OP YABU. time for a good talk. if that doesnt work then mediation. you need to be heard.

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/03/2013 13:55

That's a lovely post angel, thanks

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2013 13:53

It was reminding me of that Monty Python sketch, "a box, you're lucky, we lived at the bottom of a lake" "a lake, you're lucky..."

Just because someone has it bad, it doesn't mean everyone should suffer.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 26/03/2013 13:44

Oh my. OP I'm sorry this thread went in another direction - sisterhood is a bit lacking it seems and some understanding about the effects of sleep deprivation would have been helpful. Well done for all that you are doing - your wee ones and your hubby are lucky to have you. No advice, just well done for being a great Mum. x

christinarossetti · 26/03/2013 13:18

This thread has put me right, though.

My 6 year old goes to an after school childminders on the 2 days that I work until 5.30pm at home.

What an idiot I've been paying childcare costs, when I could have had her at home doing the ironing and cooking the dinner whilst I work upstairs.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/03/2013 10:20

I'm glad you had some sleep. It makes such a difference to how you feel. DH and I did childcare shifts like this for a bit so at least we both had enough sleep to function.

fuzzpig · 26/03/2013 08:55

Crazy thread. Derailment did give me some laughs though.

OP I'm glad you had a better night. I think a strike is in order in the future if he doesn't buck up permanently!

GreenLeafTea · 26/03/2013 08:42

Glad you had a better night. It's awful when you don't get any sleep.

LibertineLover · 26/03/2013 08:35

Please take no bloody notice of some of the batshit posters on this thread fish you sound like a loving and caring Mum, doing her best.

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/03/2013 08:26

I have no ambition at all to be a martyr mummy.. A good
Mummy yes but not a martyr. My mother was a bit like that and it does no one any good in the long run.

OP posts:

LibertineLover · 26/03/2013 08:06

I need to get me one of them gro clocks (and self feeding children :) )

Altinkum · 26/03/2013 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum · 26/03/2013 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/03/2013 07:53

Dc1 much better this morning and slept through last night.

Also, dc1 and 2 share a room and have a groclock and don't come out of their room till the sun comes up at 7. I don't enforce that when they are ill though. And I got up with dc1 at 6 cause she was burning up with fever and I knew the lounge would be cool.. answering more of the issues I hadn't the strength to address yesterday

OP posts:

LibertineLover · 26/03/2013 07:48

Morning fish good on him about time at least you got a good stretch in, see? Just bloody leave him to it! Hows the DC today?

christinarossetti · 26/03/2013 07:45

Excellent news. You sound much more chipper OP.

Glad that the martyr mummies didn't drive you from this thread.

Sirzy · 26/03/2013 07:32

Glad you managed to get some sleep :)

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/03/2013 07:31

Well I went to bed at 8, dh stayed up till one working so gave ds 2 bottles in that time meaning I was only up at 4.30

Feeling much better . I'm on my phone so can't scroll down but whoever commented on dc3 still feeding every 3/4 hours I know! We've seen dr and HV about it, he has about 50 oz milk a day. He is on the 92nd centile (and was born there) they've said there is nothing I can do but feed him.

I did try the hungry milk but he drank as much but had constipation issues so swapped back. He was 22 weeks yesterday so I am starting weaning now.

Dc1 was the same, didn't go without a night feed until on 4 meals a day. Dc2 though the biggest at 10 lb 6 wasn't as bad..

OP posts:

nailak · 25/03/2013 22:29

btw if my husband was like this, (and there are times where he has been) I would just go to sleep when he comes home and leave him to it.

nailak · 25/03/2013 22:27

I think that the OPs husband was being very unsupportive and needs to realise what a hard job it is looking after sick kids.

However I would nap on my sofa, and yes I do have 3 kids. My kids at 2, 3 and 5 could get their own cereal, chocolate spread/butter sandwiches etc. If I am sick and lying down my 2 year old will come to me with juice bottle and cup if he needs help, and he is perfectly able of standing on a chair and making chocolate spread on bread, or getting a yougurt from the fridge. And no he cant cut himself because the sharp knives are out of reach in a different place from the butter knives and kids bowls and cups which are placed in easy reach for them.

My kids now are 2, 4 and 6 (ds bday in july dds in sep and march, not he hasnt grown a year!) and they still wake up in the night. My oldest DD sleep walks and talks in her sleep. I havent had a full nights sleep in 6 years, except maybe once or twice, even though my husband does pull his weight in a small house you cannot get away from noise of kids crying or ignore it and go to sleep.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/03/2013 21:58

OP, I know you're just ranting about the immediate situation, and when you are looking after sick kids then you have every right to have a moan but in the long term you need to find a way of getting more sleep so you don't feel so desperate when one of them is ill in the future.

I am really quite surprised to hear that a bottle-fed baby is still waking 2-3 times in the night for a feed. I would have expected that to have finished at that stage, maybe not for a breast-fed baby but I think that for a bottle-fed baby if they are having enough during the day (and a full bottle at say 11pm) then the waking 2-2 times in the night could be attributed to either habit or another problem like teething? Maybe look into getting that sorted once they are all back to full health again?

I agree with the others about going to bed early and letting your dh give the last bottle/settle the kids. If you are going to be the one getting up in the night then you have to recoup the lost sleep somewhere. I hope he also lets you have a lie in at the weekends without disturbance from the kids.

If he generally pulls his weight with general Childcare, nappies, baths, cooking etc when he IS there after work has finished for the day then he mustn't be ALL bad- you just need to sit down and have a discussion about how you can get more sleep.

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allnewtaketwo · 25/03/2013 18:36

Chesty I'd say you were EXTREMELY lucky to be able to do this. It's by no means the norm. DS never slept for longer than 20 mins during the day, so I had no chance!

YouTheCat · 25/03/2013 16:29

For some it is not feasible anyway. I know my twins never ever had a nap at the same time. Actually, they did... once. And then the stupid mil turned up with her mate to prod my sleeping duo just as I was about to have 40 winks.

I think the early bed and leave him to do the evening shift is the best idea at the moment. At least you'd get a decent stretch of sleep that way.

monkeysbignuts · 25/03/2013 16:27

I have been going to bed at 7:30 every night for almost 5 months :)
I literally wouldn't manage without going so early.
My eldest who is 5 likes to wake every one up at 6:30am lol & my baby sleeps no longer than 3 hours in a row most night's :(

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