to think that being overweight is never a good look?

[INeedThatForkOff]

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

Do you need someone to spell it out again for you?

YOU find it hard to look stylish, be comfortable and confident the size you are now - YOU. Stop trying to make this about 'everyone' when it just isn't.

YOU find it hard to find clothes that aren't frumpy. YOU can't find clothes that flatter YOU.

The world is not YOU. Stop projecting and put the effort into your issues.

FFS - how many times do you need to be told?

Lol! Iv'e been called worse. Yes i suppose it stands to reason that some people don't age that well whatever their weight - i agree about clothes though.

When i was in my 20's i was married to someone quite a bit older than me and i dressed like i was in my 40's. Smart suits shorter flicky hairstyle ect. When i got divorced at 30 i went off to Uni and did a degree whilst my girls were young which completely changed my style. It was then and into my 30's that i started to get a good 5/7 yrs knocked off my age (probably nothing to do with being fat) i definately took an interest in fashion and spent my 30's basically living my 20's.

Im at my biggest at the moment - im usually a good two stone lighter but i just had DS 15 weeks ago and i always seem to take a while to get back down to my 'comfort weight' and i usually stay there only flucuating by a few lbs here and there. I was going to say in terms of fashion its a bit limited - ASOS curve and Simply Be are my favourites - cant stand Evans or Elvi or anything like that - tents :( Yuk. Thats not to say i think a plus size woman looks great in hot pants, there are some things you just cannot and should not wear iyswim?

Yawn! I'm not especially fixated on my 'issues'. I need to lose some weight; I'll do it. In the meantime, it's a bit annoying that generally being overweight makes me (and many, many other people) look a bit crap.

I suggest you leave the thread if you're so outraged at the observation that being unhealthily large is hard to dress up as anything else.

Rosieposey, you sound completely sorted, intelligent, articulate and very comfortable with yourself which, whatever your size, are very attractive and admirable attributes.

I'm too skinny (not boasting, I've had some horrible remarks directed at me over my lifetime) and it really isn't a good look. Extremes rarely are.

AnnabelKarmaMon 18-Mar-13 18:37:09

filly where do the marriage vows specify having to always fancy each other?
I quite clearly said I would still love him but not fancy. Quite different things.

With my body i thee worship!!!!!!

When my DH was over 2 stones heavier I still loved him and fancied him. But now he is back to the size he was when I married him, he looks fantastic, is happier in himself and far healthier. It isn't called a 'healthy weight' for nothing.

Ah there youv'e probably just hit the nail on the head right there though Cotapaxi - all of the attributes you have just described are part of what define me not just one thing. I reckon some people define me as being big and thats up to them, they most likely don't see the other stuff - like i said in my original post im amazed at how villified fat people are.

I have known people who are skinny, and its rubbish if thats not how you want to be (and tbh it worries me as i think it doesnt leave much room for manouvre if you get really poorly) but in the main i would say the general consensus is that people in the main would rather by at the skinny end of extreme than the fat yes?

Yes im a bit greedy ( clearly ) im a bit wobbly ( a lot) but i have my own reasons for being like this - there is a plethora of other great things that make up me and being fat (and not too worried about it) is just one of them.

OP Im sorry you think its never a good look and im sorry so many agree with you - the thing is i totally understand why but i question if thats to do with confidence, style and the way you view yourself. If you have spent most of your life slim and find yourself overweight i can really see how that would be an issue and thats what i am trying to say - theres room (scuse the pun) for all sorts and its the media that defines what is acceptable and what isnt and in our culture its not acceptable to be fat end of.

Be happy with yourself and the rest as they say will follow ( or shuddup and go on a diet

You feel shit about yourself so you want everyone else to as well.
It's not working.
HTH.

op - you are assuming that everyone finds beauty in the same aesthetic as yourself - but that is not reality it is your thoughts.

It's refreshing to hear (read) someone actually say it. I feel the same mostly. I would definitely be miserable if I was overweight. I've thought about this a lot though as I'm married to a very overweight man and my elder DD has been categorised as "clinically obese" - I take issue with the label, but she will certainly be chunky if not overweight her whole life. That's just how their bodies and metabolisms are and I'm sure most people understand that everyone's bodies are different.

I know, from living with my DH and looking after my DD that they would have to virtually starve themselves to be thin. That is not healthy, particularly from a psychological point of view, and I would rather have them happy, reasonably healthy and maybe a bit overweight.

It's up to everyone else to choose how they eat and deal with the consequences. I am a size 10 but tend to eat too much sugar and am at risk from diabetes (had gestational diabetes). I try to be as good as I can for the sake of my family who will have to put up with my ill health later in life if I don't try, and by the same token I think people should try not to be overweight if it's possible because of the health problems it can bring. However, it's no one's business but your own. DH is on a diet now, but of his own volition, no nagging from me, he's just got to the stage where he feels he needs to.

But Rosieposey speaks a lot of sense! If you're not happy with yourself it's simple - eat less. If you are really unhappy with how you look it won't be hard, because being skinny will be more appealing than the food in front of you.

Are you tired ForkOff? Otherwise 'Yawn' is just so incredibly rude.

Your thread has nothing to do with healthy.

Posture has a lot to do with how you look.

Anyone can look bad all hunched and slumped.

I don't think it's a good look but I've seen some overweight people with absolutely gorgeous faces and lots of thin/healthy weight people with faces as plain as a brick wall. YANBU if you think they would look better at a healthy weight but I don't accept that beauty is intrinsically related to weight either.

ChippingInIsEggceptional

Yeah but's what healthy? My very fat friend has normal blood pressure and cholesterol but can't walk up the stairs. My ex was the perfect weight/muscle mass ,very fit but had extremely high blood pressure and take 4 tablets a day.

(Total thread crash here but I'm afraid I find fat-bashing to be an exceptionally dull past-time) but where the blardy hell have you been ChippingIn? I started a thread looking for you and everything. Lovely to see you ducks.

Oi Mintyy - if you aren't interested in the thread go and be all pally in private messages.

InTheFrame - what is your problem?

Mintyy I didn't see that??? However I didn't I don't know as I'm never away from the place!! Earlier on tonight I replied to your post on the thread about flouncing :) I had a bit of a health drama going on and name changed for that & as it's such an arse to name change back & forth I didn't bother - nice to be missed though & nice to be 'me' again :)

Headinthesand - my name is PureedGoodness as in pureed weaning foods!!! NOT puregoodness!! So i am not defining myself as perfect like you falsely assumed!!

I still stand by my post though. Nobody gets morbidly obese by being healthy and exercising!! Like i said in my original post its different if there was medical implications causing the weight gain.

Perhaps the tv has a lot to blame for people's judgemental views on here then as when they show programmes like "supersize superkinny" or "the biggest losers" or "you are what you eat" it shows what the obese people usually gorge on in a day and its pure disgusting!!!! The worse programmes are ones which show excessively morbidly obese people bed ridden due to them not being able to stand up or walk as they are too heavy. This is all from over eating!! They have to be washed by other people and have everything done by others (sometimes their children). There are occasions where a wall has to be knocked down in order to get them out of their bedroom if they need hospitalisation. I think its disgusting........

Firstly, a confession - I'm Spiro and I am officially a lardarse via a combo of depression, thyroid probs and in all honesty, lack of willpower.

I look better slimmer, and I hope I'll crack it one day, for health reasons more than anything, but in the meantime I have nice hair, pretty eyes, next to no wrinkles and I don't scrub up too bad for a fat bird.

OP, tbh you're entitled to your opinion but it's a bit pointless as everyone is different - some big women are stunning (Dawn French), some slim women look bloody awful (Gillian McKeith) so there is no right or wrong, just lots of potential for a bunfight.

FWIW - same applies to blokes. Saw The Hairy Bikers live on Sunday and Si King definitely looks better with a bit of padding!

Wow Pure there are a lot of 'disgustings' in your post that kind of emotive language makes people who are morbidly obese probably want to give up altogether. Perhaps the issue is a deeper one rather than just enjoying eating a shitload of food and they need your pity more than disgust? I think you will find that they have a complete hate for food if anything and its comparable with other eating disorders ( you wouldn't tell an anorexic that she is 'disgusting' to her face would you?) Pity and help is what they need not villification.

Also fyi there seems to be a school of thought that thinks that overweight people eat unhealthily and whilst this might be the case for some its not for me. Im a SAHM for 2 and have another 3 DC's who are older to feed as well as me and DH - we would all be fat if i fed everyone unhealthily, my DH skateboards at weekends for fitness as well as it being his hobby and is not overweight.None of my DC'S are in any way overweight and eat really healthily (one is veggie) i cook from scratch and we all eat together as a family. My 3 eldest DC's are girls and have a really healthy attitude to food. The reason as if it was not obvious that i am 5 stone overweight is because i eat too much, not a gluttonous amount but enough to maintain the weight i am ( i rarely put any weight on especially when i am pg) but clearly eating this way for the last 21 years has made me the size i am slowly but surely. I hope i have provided a positive role model for my girls and tought them that being overweight is not healthy but if that happens its not the end of the world and you are still you inside.

Mimishimi puts is better than most, people can be beautiful whatever their size and no one on here is contesting that being slim isnt healthier but being healthy in your head is the first place to start and the self loathing that i know some big people feel will do nothing at all to help them firstly love themselves enough to make the decision to lose weight (if they want to!) and then to actually physically go on that diet which even a slim person knows is not the easiest thing to do.

I don't agree that being fat is never a good look but then again i appreciate and find all types attractive.

Rosie - i hardly think two uses of the word "disgusting" constitutes loads!!!

I do not think people would appreciate being pitied!

There is a lot of patronising on this thread.

I dunno pureed, its not about patronising when you are 50 stone is it? I would imagine that that empathy and sympathy probably go quite a long way as i cannot imagine that someone has deliberately got themselves to that weight?

Oh and by deliberately i mean set out to weigh 50 stone - often people who end up at that weight have an eating addiction and cannot stop themselves, it has little to do with self control.