Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 10 11

Original poster

to think that being overweight is never a good look?

271 replies

INeedThatForkOff · 17/03/2013 20:25

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 17/03/2013 22:20

I think we've only become truly weight obsessed since the obesity pandemic?

I don't really remember too much obsession when I was growing up in the 70's, but perhaps that's because there were so few fat people?

Or maybe it was the lack of social media, so people would keep their thoughts and comments within their close circle of friends/family?

LeslieWink1e · 17/03/2013 22:22

FAT MEN are equally as affected in the attractiveness stakes. If not MORE so imo. I think it's because their fat all goes to the one place. AT least with women their fat is more evenly distributed.

I'm not overweight myself but I have to keep an eye on my weight, I have a finger in the dam, always mentally balancing what I'VE EATen with exercise planned and what I might (or shouldn't) eat later. That's life. We were supposed to have to hunt and gather. It wasn't supposed to come this easy. Now, 'the hunt' is denying yourself. That's my opinion anyway.

Original poster

INeedThatForkOff · 17/03/2013 22:24

So why post it then? What did you think anyone would gain out of this thread?

Because offending people who either disagree or want to bury their heads is an aside, not my problem. I just wanted to discuss a contentious opinion, hence posting in AIBU.

OP posts:

BinksToEnlightenment · 17/03/2013 22:27

I'm not offended by your question in any way. I don't believe there is one aesthetic that we all have to achieve. I think overweight and underweight can both look very beautiful.

There's just so much meaning and feeling attached to everyone trying to be 'the right' size. It makes it an emotive subject.

I certainly disagree that being overweight obviates the possibility of you being beautiful,

wordfactory · 17/03/2013 22:31

Hmmm OP.

It seesm to me that you're full of self loahting, and you want to draw others into that way of thinking. Which is a. pretty vile and b. not going to alleviate your self laothing.

Original poster

INeedThatForkOff · 17/03/2013 22:33

I'm really not. I just know I don't look good overweight. Other than that I quite like myself.

OP posts:

wordfactory · 17/03/2013 22:35

And you want to tell anyone else thay they too look bad?

Well I shall leave you to it, OP.

But suffice it to say, that it isn't your weight that's making you feel unattractive.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 17/03/2013 22:36

I just wanted to discuss a contentious opinion, hence posting in AIBU

Why?

LadyWidmerpool · 17/03/2013 22:37

I lost 3+ stone and am now a (vanity?) 12. I honestly don't think it's done my face any favours, rather the reverse.

idiuntno57 · 17/03/2013 22:37

op you are missing the words 'for me' on the end of your original statement

Cherriesarelovely · 17/03/2013 22:41

Interesting.....I don't agree at all but don't think it is a terrible thing to ask. I personally am much more attracted to larger women (I'm gay). I don't find very thin people physically attractive but that is not to say there is anything wrong with that either. For myself, I enjoy being a curvy size 12, I am short so probably look chunkier anyway. I wouldn't be comfortable being bigger myself BUT I have realised you really can look fantastic whatever your size. Looking great is NOT to do with being skinny at all imo.

Cotapaxi · 17/03/2013 22:55

Sycophant btw not sickofant

and 'fewer' women not less

ivanapoo · 17/03/2013 23:30

I agree that overweight people usually don't look as good as v slim people in fashionable clothes. I - and everyone else I know (bar one guy who got REALLY thin) whose weight has fluctuated - look better at the lower end.

However I'd take great skin and a beautiful face over having a size 8 figure any day.

As it happens I have none of those things!

LeslieWink1e · 17/03/2013 23:33

and as for the 'skinny isn't a good look' response to these threads, what the hell has skinny got to do with really. that's a different issue. i exercise regularly, i watch what i eat, i'm 'firm' but i'm still size 10/12 and so far from skinny. it's not like if you're size 16 you're at a huge risk of suddenly becoming 'skinny'. ha!

Annakin31 · 17/03/2013 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherriesarelovely · 17/03/2013 23:44

If I hurt it I wont have anywhere else to live!!! I love that! Must remember it!

Cherriesarelovely · 17/03/2013 23:47

Also agree it should be about being healthy and active. Healthy, active people come in many different shapes and sizes. I found some of the coverage of the Olympics very annoying with regards to the more muscular female competitors. It was as if it didn't matter if they had just won a bloody gold medal, if they didn't look great in spaghetti straps they were so much less of a woman!

LowFlyingKites · 17/03/2013 23:54

overweight is not attractive per se, but you can get attractive overweight people. No doubt they would be more attractive at a healthier size, but the same can be said for underweight people.

I struggled with anorexia for years as a teenager, and I'm by no means a healthy weight yet, but looking back at photo's of my worst points now, I think I looked far more unattractive than any overweight person I have seen. Being overweight, your face generally changes in a "chubby cheeks" way that can end up looking quite cute and friendly, whereas when you get very underweight cheekbones and face structure can look very harsh and gaunt.

hobbknob · 18/03/2013 00:17

Well I'm a size 20 at the mo. but I am 6 ft tall so I carry it well.
Sure, I want to lose done weight but I've always been on the large size and I know I dress well so hope I don't come across as arrogant by saying that I do look good.
Maybe not everyone's dream woman, but I've never had a problem turning heads.

It may come as a surprise to you, but some people prefer larger ladies, some people prefer slimmer ones.
So YABU as a 'good look' to you is different from the next persons.

ChairmanWow · 18/03/2013 07:41

Yuck, yuck, yuck. A whole thread analysing women's bodies and faces. How utterly vile.

PureedGoodness · 18/03/2013 08:09

I think its a confidence thing tbh. I am by no means overweight but i put some weight on after having my ds (was basically gorging on sweets/crisps etc all day) I started feeling podgy and my clothes looked awful on. I had back fat, love handles, more cellulite, bingo wings etc. Plus my face went chubby too and in my opinion i felt less pretty because of this. As looking back at pictures when i was slimmer i did in fact feel i had "let myself go" and plus i didnt want friends/colleagues etc to think that since having my ds i had let myself go ie become lazy and a pig.

I personally feel me being overweight isnt a good look but couldnt care less what other people look like if they carry more weight as long as they are confident and happy in their skin. Though i must admit i do judge when seeing a morbidly obese person. I think they look disgusting as its pure piggery and indulgence that they have got to that size (apart from those who have medical issues). I also think people who are very thin isnt a good look either. I find myself being envious of girls who have what i call the perfect figure (size 10-12) hourglass figure with good boobs and a nice waist. I wouldnt envy girls who were carrying more weight nor would i envy girls who are stick thin.

I have lost a stone in two months and i feel so much happier and confident in my looks now as my face isnt as puffy looking so my cheekbones are back and feel pretty again. I am a size 10-12.

sick0fants · 18/03/2013 09:18

cotapaxi
I do know how to spell sycophants thanks. My userame is phonetic, innit?
Ever so kind of you to assume I am unable to spell and correct me in such a hilarious way

stripeyjimjams · 18/03/2013 10:03

I'm a bit bigger than I should be, and I know this needs to change. But, I have to say, the diet that has always given me the best results is the clinical depression one. I've been a size 8 on that one. Tbh, right now, I'd rather be a little chunkier because I know it signifies that, mentally, I'm probably doing ok. I'm getting back to the gym soon. I would not want to be morbidly obese, but I very rarely think about my few/many (depending on your opinion) pounds because I'm fucking glad I can get out of bed in the morning again and haven't topped myself.

Cotapaxi · 18/03/2013 10:12

Ah apologies too busy being an irritating baggage pedantic to notice the humour!

sick0fants · 18/03/2013 12:17

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 10 11