to think that being overweight is never a good look?

[INeedThatForkOff]

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

Anyone reading thread who has self-esteem issues due to being or believing they are overweight is going to be driven further into despair by this horrible thread. That includes people with body dysmorphia/anorexia. I speak as a recovered anorexic who spent most of my teens and 20's in a state of absolute self-loathing due to what I perceived to be my excessive weight. If I'd read this thread back then I would have been in bits. Some people reading this thread will be driven further into their eating disorder by the emotions it will generate. As I say, I speak from experience. It sometimes took just one fairly innocuous comment to send me into a tailspin when I was younger let alone pages and pages of judgement and use of words like 'disgusting'.

Some of you are claiming this is about health, not fat-bashing. I'm actually delighted to be a bit overweight (albeit heavily pregnant) and not give a toss about whether I have wobbly bits. I'm eating way more healthily than I was back then, and clearly my ability to cope with being at my largest ever shows my mental health is much more robust too. Do I give a shit whether any of you think I look good? Is it any of your business what I weigh or what my BMI is? Absolutely not.

I'm definitely in the camp that believes women can look good whatever their size. Some people suit being skinny (I didn't. Just looked scrawny and weird) others suit being larger and fleshy. I'd say to anyone reading this with self-esteem issues that the opinions of a bunch of prissy fat-badgers don't matter. Let them hide behind their online aliases and judge, but don't let a load of strangers affect how you feel about yourself.

To everyone else I'd say think before you judge. You don't know much your opinions can harm those who are vulnerable. At the end of the day someone else's physical appearance is absolutely none of your business.

True rosie. I nursed a patient following gastric band surgery, it was very enlightening. Made me very sad as person in question had spent so long being ruled by food, and must have been desperately unhappy to risk her life having surgery.

Somewhat undermined my own comment there with use of badgers instead of bashers. D'oh.

Quite enjoying the image of fat badgers happily typing away though

Chairman, that was a very good post and I am purring with delight at the scrummy image of Fat Badgers !

I am fat. Very fat. I am also clever, funny and maybe I am no stunner but I am quite pretty in a plain way and that's me really. I don't lose (or put on) weight easily. Its a lifestyle choice. I just like eating!

If it was just me then honestly I don't think I would be too fussed about my size. I walk a bit everyday (not as much as I should of course) have pretty decent family who live close by, a job which I love and a husband and friends who are all awesome and I know care about me as I do them..

HOWEVER, I am also a mum. That's where my issues lie. I am ashamed of my lack of self control when I look at my children and see myself as their friends must see me. I remember what it was like to hear children call my own mum fat (she was tbf) and I would hate for them to go through it.

So that's why I have joined a free site called my fitness pal and also why I am nursing a protein and berry shake for breakfast rather than a McMuffin and why I have a meal and exercise planner.
Good luck to anyone who wants to get their shape back but please remember that its NOT the sum of you x

At the end of the day someone else's physical appearance is absolutely none of your business.
Precisely ChairmanWow.

This is such an odd thread, Op is obviously disgruntled with her appearance and is objecting to anyone having an opinion opposed to hers.

If you are not happy with your appearance, take steps to change that if you wish. If you are happy with your appearance, good for you. Don't set out to make others feel shit.

Personally, yes I do look better a bit lighter. I exercise often and I watch my diet. Am I svelte and willowy? No. And I never will be. Am I taking steps to be in the best shape I can be? Very definitely. That is my choice. It is my body and my health.

So much judging and nasty sniping on this thread and then the predictable "why can you not slag of fatties but slag off the slim" spinoff

We shouldn't be slagging off anyone, surely?

ha ha ha @ fatbadgers!

I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

A bit late to this thread but just wanted to say I saw Nina Wadia (Zainab from eastenders) on Matthew Wright's programme this morning. She looks to be about a size 16. Anyway, I thought she looked stunningly gorgeous and NOT just 'for her size'. Am sure if she was single she'd have men queuing up to ask her out even if she's bigger than the current ideal.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Maybe its because you are ugly?

I completely agree with you Fork - everyone looks better carrying less weight. Yes I have lots of very beautiful friends, who dress well, carry themselves well, are beautiful gorgeous people BUT all of them have lost weight/put it back on in the past and all of them look far better with less weight on their frames.

Me included in this - I have got up to BMI of about 29 and I looked older and frumpy. My friends kindly say I dressed very well and really looked after myself but it just does not suit me. BMI is currently about 25 and I still don't look as great as I could do if I slimmed down to 22 - 23 BMI.

I have been scouring the inspirational photo threads on minimins recently and the difference in people is astounding - every single example (and there are hundreds) show those who have lost weight looking happier, younger, more radiant, healthier, sexier. They are not all necessarily skinny minnies but you can't deny that in all the examples, weight loss is beneficial.

This thread has really got me thinking about how we view excess weight, and how this might change as we get older. My DM was a real skinny Minnie before she had me and DS. She's never got her pre-pregnancy figure back completely and my absolute favourite memory of being a child is snuggling up to her with my head on her lovely, soft belly. She probably wanted her toned tiny tum back but to me she was the most beautiful woman in the world and I loved her squashy belly. Sad that we can't see each person as the people who love them most see them.

I work with a whole group of women.
Some of them are attractive and others are not. Nothing to do with their size funnily enough!

What a bloody horrible, mean spirited thread, reeking of insecurity and a desire to spread the misery.

There's another thread in here complaining about the abuse thin people get on MN. And then there's this one.

Have a look and see which one has more posts. Very telling.

Actually I'm not unattractive, though I say so myself. Carrying extra weight disguises my features though, so on top of not being able to carry off the clothes I'd like to wear, I look kind of nondescript.
I am working towards losing weight slowly though, thanks for your advice

A number of posters assume that my op has come from a place of self loathing. It honestly hasn't, I'm just daring to speak as I find and I know very well that there are lot of absolutely lovely people who think as I do. I'm not speaking out of spite or self pity, merely expressing an opinion that some are unable to comprehend, so we must agree to differ - none of the counter arguments here have changed my opinion though I do accept (as stated in my OP) that some overweight people are happy with the way they look.

I'd be interested to know, of those I've outraged (and I make no apologies), how many are overweight or obese themselves, but that's pure nosiness.

It is pure nosiness forkoff. I spent too many years weighing myself and obsessing. I don't know what I weigh now and even if I did I wouldn't be sharing it with such a judgemental group. I would urge others not to fall into that trap either. It's your business and nobody else's.

I've only been on MN a month or so and this is the third or fourth fat-bashing thread I've seen. I suggest you all get over to the women's rights thread and learn about some real issues facing women rather than judging and obsessing about your own and others' weight. The fact that this still happens is just depressing.

Again, I haven't mentioned women specifically.

You certainly don't come across as lovely; based on your posts; particularly as you seem to enjoy goading others, whilst hiding behind the defence "plain speaking" - which everyone knows is simply an excuse to be rude with impunity.

No offence meant of course; as I'm sure you will appreciate that I am also speaking as I find.

Think what you like. I do.

And I was referring to 'lovely people', not myself.

Yes, everyone knows what you think. Overweight people look awful.

I see you've identified yourself as prejudiced so at least you have a little self awareness - that's something.

Must admit, I'm a bit over weight at the moment, so I've just started some exercises to tone up. But, I still think I look good! Ultimately its down to self confidence.
If you are so unhappy, do something about it.
BUT, reading your post, I think you may have issues that go way beyond your weight. People of all sizes can look fantastic, it is to do with self confidence and your perception of yourself....

Mumsnet is so PC and such sensitive souls - the op was just asking a question.
Why cant people just give their opinion ie no- I dont agree.... rather than accusing the op of being a horrible person and not being due to her weight? vile comments are posted which actually would have more effect on someones self esteem than the original post.

would you say the same thing to her in person?-probably not.

If your fat and feel offended by other peoples potential opinions on overweight people- dont read it?

We are all entitled to ask a question, why cant people be civilised in their responses???????

yummymummy, your first sentence sums up perfectly the attitudes of some here. However I did post in full awareness that my comments would cause a certain amount of uproar and have chosen not to take the assertions that I'm 'vile', 'mean spirited' and possibly 'ugly' in anything other than a spirit of glorious irony.

I continue to stand by my comments, and will just shout in case I haven't been heard the last few times I've said it that NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY PARTICULAR 'ISSUES', SELF ESTEEM OR OTHERWISE, this is just my opinion.

I'm assuming that's addressed to me so will answer accordingly.

Yes, I do call people on such behaviour face to face, have done in the past and will continue to do so in the future.

If someone starts a (potentially) controversial, goady thread in AIBU then you shouldn't be surprised when people react in kind.