to think that being overweight is never a good look?

[INeedThatForkOff]

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

It's all very well feeling saddened by shallow judgementalism, but it's not going to stop people thinking you would look better if you were lighter. I think this is down to the fact that for most overweight people, myself included despite the PCOS difficulty, a healthy weight is perfectly achievable with self control and effort.

I read on here a short while ago, on one of those 'if you're slim, how do you stay that way?' threads, that actually for many slim people it's a case of exercising restraint around 'treat' food and drink every day. I don't tend to do that - today I've stuffed two Club bars and five ginger nuts on top of my normal meals, so it's my own fucking fault that the weight's not exactly falling off me. I can hardly blame anyone for thinking I'd look better a couple of stone lighter, because I would.

Ultimately it doesn't matter too much to me what anyone else thinks about the way I look. But I'd be fooling myself to think they only notice my confidence and personality.

I think there are people who are heavier who look perfect at their size. Lisa Riley springs to mind - she is stunning. However, you are talking about yourself, and you have a right to feel however you want about yourself. Personally, I do not look good heavier, and I hate the way I feel. I try and maintain my wobbly but slim 8-10 because my clothes look better. My mum, however, looks amazing at a size 16, but doesn't suit skinny as well. She has a gorgeous figure, and no cellulite!

I couldn't disagree more about Lisa Riley. She looks like all kinds of life limiting diseases waiting to happen.

Being fat is unhealthy. We all have to accept that.

PureGoodness - I think it might be time for a name change to better reflect your personality. Though i must admit i do judge when seeing a morbidly obese person. I think they look disgusting as its pure piggery and indulgence that they have got to that size - there is nothing good about your nasty attitude.

You know fuck all about fuck all - clearly.

I disagree that Lisa Riley looks perfect at her size too. Her size defines her.

Nobody is showing convern here about people's health. Thid thread is nothing more than one collective "eugh aren't fat people lazy/disgusting/greedy etc.
Personally I think worse of judgemental folk who are too lazy to think beyond their own pathetic prejudices

Jake, that's the third time you've said so. The clue is in the title, and I make no apologies for making a superficial observation.

Hm. I'm a size 8 which is about right for me at 4'11, but my taller DW is technically overweight and the general effect is Halle Berry with curves. No complaints here.

When you observe very small children,by and large they befriend people who they like/have fun with. They are oblivious to what they look like,in all their glorious variations.

I can't understand how so many people seem to lose this at some point between childhood and adulthood.

It's what's inside that counts.
Judgemental and intolerant is never a good look imo.

I am sure OP that you are lovely,and you should celebrate who you are and not what you look like.

Being slim or underweight does not mean you are healthy! I know plenty of people with awful diets and a very unhealthy lifestyle who probably feel fairly happy about their disease risks because they are normal bmi.

On many an occasion in my twenties, working in the newspaper industry, I was encouraged to take up smoking as an appetite depressant (by professional educated young women). I was overweight, I also cycled everywhere, they chain smoked, drank a LOT, lived on junk food, did no exercise but honestly thought they were healthier because they were slim/underweight!

What definition woukd that be then? Shallow?

Shallow

Shallow

Shallow

Everyone feeling shallow?

Yep...good cos I am feeling childish.....

Shallow

Bored now - off to hide this very nasty thread.

Have you evidence for that, VSS? I remember seeing an experiment on an episode of Child of Our Time (or perhaps another Robert Winston fronted doc) a few years ago, that suggested otherwise. Not about weight actually, it was focused on ethnicity. But the premise seemed to be that in fact young children did make judgements based on physical difference. Sorry that's vague.

Im always amazed at peoples innermost thoughts about fat people. Im a fat person ( size 24) and have been for over 20 years and i rarely if ever encounter prejudice about my size outwardly or verbally.

Thats not to say i don't know that people think like this on the quiet because threads like this tell me that they do, its just the sheer volume of people that have the fat equals lazy, greedy ect ect opinion.

I have had friends who are a size 10, forever on a diet and have no confidence whatsoever. I have always been confident in my style, looks and personality and have never had a problem with men either - there are plenty of men who like slim women but by the same tolken there are a lot of men who also like a woman who is confident in themselves and find women who are a little more padded but confident really attractive.

I agree with JakeBullet about the health aspect, unfortunately i am overweight and now have diabetes probably as a result of being overweight for so long - not clever but i find it very difficult to diet due to issues with food from my childhood and being starved (literally) as a child. Its no excuse really but i think i would like a happy life with a man who loves me and respects me rather than looking over my shoulder all the time shitting myself about every lb i put on - he would love me fat or smaller (ill never be thin!) its women who kick each other up the arse about dieting and get all competetive. Oh and i first developed diabetes in my 1st pg when i was 20 and not overweight sadly both my parents had it and it was probably always going to happen with me i just sped up the process by getting and staying overweight throughout my adult life.

Anyway i think the obesity problem in the UK isnt just about amounts eaten (although portion size has a lot to do with it) its mostly down to sugar and how much of it is put into our everyday foods - just look at a slice of bread, not good.

There are shitloads of anti-fat threads on Mnet at the moment, some really nasty comments too - i for one dont care that much what people say as i have to responsibility for who i am and the size i am, no excuses but i dont validate myself through my looks, im pretty (its been said) and intellegent, the rest i can work on, if i want to - its sad people are so nasty about what deviates from the so called 'norm' when i believe there is room for all types of people.

This is not specific to women. I'm glad you have the confidence to carry it off.

And there's another thread whingeing about skinny-bashing on here!

Disgusting, vile thread. Who gives a flying arse whether anyone thinks Lisa Riley is gorgeous or mingin'. I'm sure she couldn't give a fuck what anyone on here thinks.

Skinny-bashing and fat-bashing are disgusting. Stop wasting your time either bitching about what other women look like or bragging about being a size 8 (like anyone gives a shit) and get a life. It's pathetic.

Well...err... no...I have no evidence INeed
Didn't think I needed any.

Just what I've observed with my own kids and others.

I thought everyone saw the same as me.
Perhaps I view the world through rose tinted glasses.

Obesity is never attractive in either sex.

Fork perhaps i should have phrased it better - people in general are nasty about overweight people. Its in the eye of the beholder surely, there are some men and women who look bloody awful and old when on the slimmer side of of 40. I only read back a few pages so not the whole thread but someone upthread said how ageing being fat is, Im 41 and when im out with my DD who is 20 people dont believe im her mum - fat if nothing else after 40 does at least plump out your wrinkles

Ok i am being lighthearted here but not everybody thinks that a heavier woman (or man!) is 'never' a good look.

I'm not really talking about facially though. I just think it's hard to look stylish, comfortable and confident because so many retailers consider, say, a small 16 to be the upper end of the sizing scale - and that's notwithstanding the vanity sizing that I keep reading about on here. As a result I find that most clothes available to me are frumpy, and the ones that aren't don't do me any favours.

Another (shallow) observation with no disrespect intended re the comment pu just made is that today I discovered that one of the mums at a group we attend went to a school close to mine. I was about to ask her if she knew X and Y, but luckily phrased it slightly differently as it turns out I was a decade out in placing her in her early 40s Looking (subtly ) more closely I could see it was clothes / size that led me to this assumption because actually her face is younger looking than mine.

And I didn't mean to call you 'pu' either!