to think that being overweight is never a good look?

[INeedThatForkOff]

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

[flippinada]

I personally think Ruth Jones is amazing, really talented and since we're talking about appearance, gorgeous with it.

Not that I'm envious or anything

[Cotapaxi]

Pamelat, so right that few of us are 100% happy with our looks. You say you would look less tired and haggard if you lost a stone and I think I would look less tired and haggard if I put on a stone !

[flippinada]

I think you're spot on there pamelat

It is hard adjusting after you've had a baby, full stop.

[catgirl1976]

What size is Christina Hendricks?

I have a serious girl crush on her and she's about a 16 I think

[pamelat]

I agree that this must have been posted for controversial debate, but AIBU is the best forum for that.

OP I don't crticise for posting but would have to say that YABU to simplify weight as a vanity issue, but if we take health issues aside and do address sheer aesthetics, I think you have a point.

I'm a size 10 but short. I eat a lot, and I exercise a lot. Life, problems aside, is about moderation.

I look chunky and consider myself a few lbs overweight. I look better half a stone lighter than I am post two children.

However, other people suit being larger. I don't, simple.

I envy bigger boobs (I'm a 34a) I envy longer legs and taller people. There's very little about myself that I'd say I am happy with but as an overall package it's ok

Is anyone ever comfortable with how they look? Maybe we see better things in others.

I don't spend much time on appearance, other than exercise. I could do with starting to wear make up as looking a bit haggard now, and I'm sure that a stone heavier I'd look less tired/haggard!!

Swings and round abouts and it really doesn't matter enough.

I think post baby, whatever your shape, you feel uncomfortable in your "new" body. Give yourself a break, it doesn't matter :)

[flippinada]

Ok, thanks yummy, I appreciate that.

[yummymummy345]

flippinada there were too many posters which I was referring to, so I apologise, my posts were not directed at you as can not see any vile comments you have posted.

[flippinada]

yummy I understand you've left the thread, but maybe you'll pick this up later,

If you can point to anything I've said which is a vile attack then please point it out, because I can't see where I have?

If not, no matter.

[flippinada]

The age old excuse of the prejudiced - "people who don't like what I say are oversensitive, I'm just being honest".

[PureedGoodness]

I am with the op on this. In my opinion the people who are attacking her are probably carrying more weight than they like and are ultra sensitive.

The op is just being honest and i actually agree with her.

I have a friend who is quite overweight and i went down to my thinnest a few years ago and she did not hesitate to tell me that i was far too skinny. But i didnt feel it appropriate or right to tell her that i thought she was far too fat!! Why was it ok for her to hurt my feelings (after i had really tried hard to diet) but its not ok for us thinner folk to dare say anything about someone who is bigger!!!

[Lueji]

Shave! Not shaw.

[Lueji]

I'm very hairy, for example.
Would anyone still say I had beautiful legs if I didn't shaw them? :)

Probably that I didn't take good care of myself to make mysel presentable.

Don't you think I should be proud?

[Lueji]

Curry :)
I found your post.

It sort of summed up that confident people/women tend to put forward their best "assets".
That's why facially challenged people (like moi, IMO, ok not ugly as such but no Claudia Schiffer) may be more careful to make sure that their body is seen as attractive, and perhaps why obese women are often more careful with make up and clothes.

Our brains are wired to perceive fitness and health as beauty, as throughout evolution anyone too thin or too fat would be at a disadvantage, or would be a sign of illness. In primitive societies where people have to be fit you rarely see larger people and much less obese.
And the fact is that very obese people do have more trouble moving about, their movements tend to be less agile, as very skinny people tend to have much less strength.

If at some point your clothes have to hang around loose like Dawn French used to have, then it doesn't look good, nor it is by any means happy. Even if she has a beautiful face.
In the same way that it doesn't if your bones are sticking out of your skin.

It may not be something you can control, or something to be down about, as we all have our body's hangups, and have to live with them and make the most of them.

[yummymummy345]

dark can people not put an opinion across without it turning into a vile confrontation? - do you not get the irony?
That was my point. Everyone has a right to their opinion - we are not all robots , we do not think the same (enlightening).

I have my own opinions as to why there are such vile comments on these threads, (intercepted with reasonable, genuine posts).

Sorry to hijack thread op. I will now drop the rant.

[flippinada]

Quite Darkesteyes - fat bashing appears to be an "acceptable" prejudice, which people can handily dress up as concern for health.

It's true that being obese isn't good for your health, but does anyone think people who are very overweight/obese don't know that, and that they deserve to be ashamed and ridiculed for it?

[Darkesteyes]

Agree with flippinada. People are not necessarily upset because they are overweight themselves. Some of us just dont like prejudice when we see it.

yummy lol going on about PC and sensitive souls. Would you say the same about racism.

Why should overweight people have to put up with being the "safe prejudice"

[yummymummy345]

The op has not said she likes to eat children! just making observations in her daily life- mumsnetters take these forums far too seriously imo I think and are so busy having a go at others about being offensive when they are absolutely offensive themselves- yes that is the irony !

flippinada I was aiming my comments at many people on this thread. However, I cant imagine what it must be like to have a conversation with you disagreeing with something I have said! (oh actually I can)

[Bitzer]

Bit surprised by how hard everyone has come down on the OP? On the whole I think it's probably true that people look better when they are their 'ideal' weight i.e. neither seriously overweight or seriously underweight. I don't think that's an especially controversial statement. Of course there are exceptions, people who are technically overweight but look fab with it, wear it well etc so I can't agree that 'overweight is never a good look'. But generally speaking, we talk about 'ideal weight' for a reason.

I say this as someone who is underweight. I don't think that's a 'good look' either ? I'm sure I'd look younger, healthier and probably more attractive at a stone heavier ? but I struggle to gain weight in the same way as some friends struggle to lose it. It swings both ways.

Also disagree that this is all about women (though of course it's true that society is obsessed with women's looks to a much greater extent than mens). But, ref this particular discussion, I know attractive men who are quite overweight but would in all honesty probably look better at their ideal weight. Same goes for some the very skinny ones.

[flippinada]

Curryeater I think women are in the "wrong" whatever they look like. If they're too thin they look haggard, beaky faced and probably have an eating disorder; if they're too fat they're saggy, flabby and probably have no self control.

Don't people ever get fed up with obsessing over how much they, and others weigh?

[flippinada]

Why are you assuming that people are upset by your thread because they're overweight?

[curryeater]

the funny thing is that I have made arguably the nastiest post on this thread, but no one has attacked me, because it was being nasty about physical shortcomings other than weight. FWIW I think my own post was totally out of order and I wondered who, if anyone, would call me on it / pull me up on it

[flippinada]

I'm assuming that's addressed to me so will answer accordingly.

Yes, I do call people on such behaviour face to face, have done in the past and will continue to do so in the future.

If someone starts a (potentially) controversial, goady thread in AIBU then you shouldn't be surprised when people react in kind.

[INeedThatForkOff]

yummymummy, your first sentence sums up perfectly the attitudes of some here. However I did post in full awareness that my comments would cause a certain amount of uproar and have chosen not to take the assertions that I'm 'vile', 'mean spirited' and possibly 'ugly' in anything other than a spirit of glorious irony.

I continue to stand by my comments, and will just shout in case I haven't been heard the last few times I've said it that NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY PARTICULAR 'ISSUES', SELF ESTEEM OR OTHERWISE, this is just my opinion.

[yummymummy345]

Mumsnet is so PC and such sensitive souls - the op was just asking a question.
Why cant people just give their opinion ie no- I dont agree.... rather than accusing the op of being a horrible person and not being due to her weight? vile comments are posted which actually would have more effect on someones self esteem than the original post.

would you say the same thing to her in person?-probably not.

If your fat and feel offended by other peoples potential opinions on overweight people- dont read it?

We are all entitled to ask a question, why cant people be civilised in their responses???????

[purples]

Must admit, I'm a bit over weight at the moment, so I've just started some exercises to tone up. But, I still think I look good! Ultimately its down to self confidence.
If you are so unhappy, do something about it.
BUT, reading your post, I think you may have issues that go way beyond your weight. People of all sizes can look fantastic, it is to do with self confidence and your perception of yourself....