to think that being overweight is never a good look?

[INeedThatForkOff]

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

And women don't see that other women may not be their friends. I am on the Op side, why do people care about fat women so much more that they care about fat men?

worra I think what's important is that women learn to love themselves as they are, first and formost.

If they do that and then decide they fancy losing some weight, then fine. But the idea that you cannot be attractive and large is, I think, erroneous. And worse, I think it's corrosive.

wordfactory, what you're saying is the guff that what I used to claim to believe, but it doesn't really hold for me any more.

I realise that you mean it with the best will in the world though.

I absolutely agree wordfactory

But the OP is basically (as is my understanding) just talking about looks alone and nothing deeper at this point.

Kind of like saying, 'Pink and green dots on a car is never a good look'.

Now you could argue that someone needs that car to get to work...but it doesn't take away the fact it's not a good look IYSWIM?

Shallow - yes. But I suppose not every thread has to be deep and meaningful.

Well all I can say OP is that I have met a million women who loath themselves and how they look, and they weren't all fat!!!!

And I know less women who think they look the dogs bollocks, and they aint all thin!!!!

What marks the later form the former is confidence not body type.

LadyPessary, I think it's just a by-product of talking mainly to women on a women's forum. I do believe the same about men.

Well worra I don't believe that.

I've met lots of thin unattraxctive women who hate the way they look. Being thin didn't make them attractive.

What makes a person attractive is poise and confidence and an ability to dress well and an inner sensuality that radiates. All this affects how someone physically looks.

I personally think most people look good with a lyer of fat on them. Its a very rare woman below size 14 I find physically attractive

Worra, yes, that's what I mean.

I have two or three layers, oldraver.

And again word I agree about the slim and unattractive.

But I still don't think that detracts from attractive overweight people, looking better if they shed some weight.

I suppose it boils down to a matter of preference though.

So why do all the fitties fancy me Zebra?
It can't be my personality, I'm a right knob.

its funny.I am size 16 and it has never occurred to me that I am fat.

I think is probably easier to buy things that look amazing if you are slimmer. But how you are and how you feel about yourself make much more of an impact to the world out there.

Humans mostly think about how they are in relation to others (hence thin/fat bashing) so I say OP look for strategies that make you feel good about yourself. This may be loosing or gaining weight but it might just as well be reading fewer celeb mags or shopping somewhere different.

Good Luck

A few years ago i was a size 24.
I'm now a size 10/12.

Opinions/judgements like the OP's are one of the reasons why, even at the size i am now, my self esteem is completely knackered and i'll always be trying to lose that '3 more pounds'.

I think most women look beetter if they are not overweight. Size 16 and above for most average height people is overwieght. Nothing as ageing as a lhuge fat tummy,. Much healthier to be a normal weight.

The OP is kind of true-by-definition, in a trivial way, because to be "overweight" is to have too much weight.... however you define that.
Some people can carry a lot more than others, and look good. But I am sort of ok with saying that for everyone there is a point, at least in theory, where however good they look, they'd look better if they lost a few pounds.

People do look good when they feel good (mentally, physically, emotionally) and up to a point, that is more important than your weight - much more important. But I suppose everyone has a weight where they don't feel good any more

When I'd had two kids in two years I was ten stone and 5'1". I hated it. I didn't want to learn to love myself fat. I just wanted to be lean, with a waist. And not in an unhealthy 'influenced by magazines way'. I could grab handfuls of extra flab around my middle and it didn't feel good. I'm glad I lost it rather than deciding to learn to love myself at ten stone

No I don't have a preference for large or small people.
I can find either attractive or unattractive.

I think it's that somehting else that makes someone turn heads.

And I think people obsess far too much about weight in this equation. Bad hair and teeth and skin smack of unhealthy living and lack of care far more than an extra dress size.

I don't think fat or thin is attractive if the bodies are not fit and toned.

Op, you'll never reach nirvana with that attitude.

I'm not intending to offend fat people, but I know I will

So why post it then? What did you think anyone would gain out of this thread?

"Nothing as ageing as a huge fat tummy."

I beg to differ. I think wrinkles are a lot more ageing than a gut.

It's preference for me though.

I don't find men with beards attractive and I don't find fat people attractive IF we're talking about looks alone.

My DH for example could grow a beard or grow a belly and I'd love him just the same as I do now...but that's because we wouldn't be talking about initial attraction...like walking into a pub and seeing him for the first time every IYSWIM?

I agree with you OP. Best wishes x

I do think it is funny though that in our weight-obsessed society, there are a lot of women with big beaky-nosey faces who think they are so beautiful because they are slim with long legs. They strut around and have marvellous confidence although their faces look a bit haggy. I hypothesise that a. people like that look prettier face-on and probably don't see their profiles much in the mirror, and b. the innate confidence coming from never having had to worry about having a fat arse has replaced the innate confidence of a pretty face that a woman had a hundred years ago - a woman with a chocolate-box face would never have worried about her thighs, which no one could see, in 1913, and would have pitied slim, willowy girls who couldn't get a dance because their faces were a bit Picasso. I don't know where this is leading except I suppose we are all beautiful in our own way or not in someone else's. Or something