to think that being overweight is never a good look?

[INeedThatForkOff]

Superficial, I know. I say this as someone who is just about obese at size 16, four months postnatal.

Pre DCs I lost two stones and was at the top of my healthy weight range and a size 12. Fine really. I put on 3st with DD, lost it over 9 months, then let a stone creep back on again. I gained another 3st with DS and am in the process of losing it through diet and exercise, though struggling with tiredness, not wanting to compromise BFing, lack of time greed etc. I need to lose at least 2st still, but 3 would be best.

I've finally given in and replaced my maternity and BFing clothes with a few new bits which, to a degree, makes me feel better, but frankly when I get out and spend time with slim, healthy people, I realise that I will never look good at this size.

It's not just a self esteem issue. As much as we try to dress it up and say you can be stylish at any size, most looks work better on slim people. Being overweight has connotations of unhealthiness, lack of control, greed or laziness, and I think it's very hard to ignore that. I'm aware that in some circumstances (and I have PCOS) weight control can be difficult. Also that some people genuinely don't give a shit about how anyone else views them. Perhaps I'm simply prejudiced.

But I just don't think being overweight can be a good look. I can't even think of anyone in the public eye who looks genuinely good, without the conditional 'for their size'.

AIBU?

Fuck, I don't know if I dare post this. Flame away (it might actually help me feel better as I am, though that's not my intention!)

[zwischenzug]

I would agree it's a fair comment to say that being overweight in itself is not a good look - ie the same person groomed the same way does not look better weighing 16st than if they weighed 11st (assuming thats the correct weight for their height).

That doesn't necessarily mean all overweight people are grotesque to look at, as some people seem to be construeing the OP as.

[ScarletLady02]

I'm with Eebahgum - DH's ex was an underwear model with an athlete's stomach. I was incredibly insecure about this when we first got together until he explained that she was a spiteful, horrible, poisonous person and once he got to know her, he thought she was ugliest woman he'd ever known...

[crashdoll]

I've been severely underweight (anorexic) and now I'm quite overweight. I was uglier underweight. I'm not very attractive anyway but at least I look well nourished.

[tigerdriverII]

I don't understand why MN is so full of apologists for being overweight. We all know that obesity is a serious health issue, individually and as a society. Being a bit overweight - not such a big deal but you don't have to be that big to be technically obese. I am, and have over a stone to go before I am just "very overweight but not obese". To look at me you wouldn't put me in the obese category. I have lost a stone and a half recently and I can unequivocally say that my clothes look better now.

[Themobstersknife]

I know one person who has lost lots of weight and doesn't know how to dress for it. She looks older and frankly poorly. She has become a boring person because all she talks about are her 'lifestyle choices'. She is a pain in the arse to cater for, because she won't eat all sorts of things. She is completely up her own arse, and is offensive in trying to offer her 'fat clothes' to anyone whose eye she can catch. In her case, being slightly overweight was 100 times better look than being too thin, looks wise and personality wise.
Public eye equivalent is Josie Gibson, minor celeb, used to be very attractive and funny, now a complete diet bore, and doesn't look better for it.
So YABU. Now go enjoy your baby.

[INeedThatForkOff]

Honestly this isn't intended to be anything but shallow, although for many people their sense of self is very much tied up with how they look.

I've always been a bit sneery (privately) about people who invest a lot of effort in their appearance. But I've started to see that getting a few basic things right, including good underwear (which I can't buy at the moment as I have to wear fucking BFing bras) and aiming for a healthy weight, make the whole thing much easier.

Certainly wouldn't make me happy (I already am, in general) but would make me much more comfortable.

[EllaFitzgerald]

If you don't think that being overweight is a good look for you, then that's fair enough. You're perfectly entitled to your opinion and your look needs to be what's right for you. However, if you can't understand that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, (and is also in the eye of the beholder) then I think that says more about your levels of self esteem than any genuinely held belief.

How other people look is a matter for them and I would imagine they couldn't care less about any assumptions you're making about them. As you say, very superficial indeed.

[aPseudonymToFoolHim]

Gok Wan makes larger ladies who had previously hidden their shape under baggy clothes look absolutely stunning, it's all about cut and confidence

YABU

[INeedThatForkOff]

No I'm not talking about beauty or attractiveness (nothing that deep I'm afraid).

I'm talking about being well presented. I think it's very difficult when overweight (I use overweight rather than obese because I'm on the cusp but it will take more than a couple of pounds to make the difference).

[VelvetSpoon]

I know plenty of slim people who dress terribly. If you have no style or taste in clothes that will be the same if you're a size 8 or 18.

I used to be a size 22, lost a lot of weight 2 years ago and went down to a size 12-14. I have put a lot back on because I'm a greedy comfort eating idiot and am now a size 18.

Do I look better now than when I was a size 12? No of course I bloody don't!

Do I still look a lot younger than my age, and dress a lot better than my peers? Yes definitely

I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking you look better thinner. However, I do think that everyone should love how they look, whatever their size. I see so many women my size and thinner hiding behind shapeless crap because they are convinced they are fat and horrible, and I find that really sad.

[AnnabelKarma]

Funny how everyone on MN knows lots of beautiful, stylish, stunning "curvy" women and all the slim women are poisonous, always dieting, boring and ugly.


yeah, course

[INeedThatForkOff]

I'm trying that. I recently bought some high rise 'sexy' skinnies having been convinced by the good folk of S&B that skinnies are acceptable at my size. The legs are fine, but I look like a sack of shit around the middle. Must keep trying.

[digerd]

I get really annoyed with these so-called 'ideal weight', statements and calling people who are 1 kilo over it 'obese'. That is untrue.
No wonder many girls are obsessed with looking like the skinny film stars and models, who do not look healthy.

It depends on your height but also your frame, and is a matter of being in proportion.

SICKOFANTS
People are not criticising you, that is a statement of being worried about you.
How tall are you?

[Phosphene]

YABU.

I have a friend who is a size 16 and she is absolutely stunning and attractive. She has such a great personality and her inner beauty really shows. She works out, dresses well and looks after herself. I see many slim people who don't look after themselves, think bad teeth, greasy hair, yellow nails from smoking etc.

[Lueji]

I think either extreme is not attractive.

Also speaking as someone who is underweight, although not anorexic.
I'd like to have a stone or so more, although I wouldn't like to spend on a totally new wardrobe.

I have no problems with a little underweight or a little overweight.
In fact, current partner is a bit overweight.

But at some point it does become generally less attractive.
People can still be face and inner beautiful, but not body beautiful in the sense that you judge a painting or a statue, or music, for example.

[INeedThatForkOff]

I have a good personality (well I think so anyway ) It might mean that people don't care what I look like but it certainly doesn't make me look good!

[wiltingfast]

I find your post a bit offensive tbh as to me it trivialises being overweight/obese as a "look" (as if it was a choice people happily made) when it is a health problem and a very insidious and stubborn one at that.

And at a size 16 you are not obese ffs.

And it is perfectly possible to look "well presented" and be overweight, it just takes some time, effort and money to do so. Just like thin people in fact.

[INeedThatForkOff]

OP size 16 is fat. Don't pretend otherwise.

I'm not pretending.

[Darkesteyes]

Redbindy perhaps you should lose the subscriptions to Closer and Heat etc.

[AThingInYourLife]

"I feel very sorry for the people around you that you judge their worth solely on the size of their waists."



She said people don't tend to look as good when they're overweight. If you think that implies anything about their worth then the issue is with you.

I agree with you, OP. I'm surprised at the response, it seems like the bleeding obvious to me.

I'm overweight too and I find I have to spend a lot more time and money to look good than I did when I was slim.

I've never known anyone go from fat to slim and not look better.

Some people look great fat and carry their weight well, but they are very much the exception.

[EllaFitzgerald]

AnnabelKarma - Not at all. I know women at both ends of the spectrum who are evil poisonous witches who are always on diets (as well as monitoring what other people are eating). I also know women at both ends of the spectrum who are absolutely gorgeous, dress well and are a pleasure to be in the company of. The difference is whether you judge people on the way they behave, or what they look like.