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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not give my child a present on their siblings birthday?

184 replies

DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 22:31

I have two children.

DD(3) and DD9mo. We were discussing tonight what to do for DD2's birthday - decided that we would just be having close family and friends over for afternoon tea cakes.

DH said we should have a present for DD1 as he think she might feel left out with DD2 getting presents and attention.

I think this is ridiculous personally and that it's perhaps sending the wrong message.

I never got presents on my older sisters birthday, DH would get presents on his siblings birthday though.

OP posts:
QOD · 12/03/2013 22:32

We used to get a small, unbirthday pressie me and my sis. Was great as we looked forward to each others birthdays as well as our own
She's November and I'm May so nicely split too

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2013 22:32

YANBU

Where would it end?

I've never done it and none of mine have expected me to.

Myliferocks · 12/03/2013 22:33

None of my 5 DC have ever received presents on their siblings birthdays. They have their own birthdays throughout the year.
My DB and I never received presents on each others birthdays also but my OH and his sister used to.

smileymam · 12/03/2013 22:33

Never done it, never will, it's silly

LynetteScavo · 12/03/2013 22:34

YANBU

But then I don't do hampers on Christmas eve.

fieldfare · 12/03/2013 22:35

YANBU

sausagebaconandtomatobutty · 12/03/2013 22:36

my MIL does this

I've always thought it odd

I've asked her to stop, she hasn't, I've given in

I wont be doing it any time soon

DesiderataHollow · 12/03/2013 22:36

YANBU. Why would you even do that?

goldenlula · 12/03/2013 22:36

I do a small gift (a couple of pound pressie). Keeps te other 2 entertained while the birthday child is 'spoilt'.

Dromedary · 12/03/2013 22:37

YANBU - when are children supposed to learn that not everything is about them? Isn't the whole point of a birthday that it is one person's special day?

BeaWheesht · 12/03/2013 22:37

We do it. Yanbu though.

Original poster
DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 22:37

Thanks for the answers so far. It would be nice to get any point of view as I will show this thread to DH. As he thinks I'm being mean.

I am willing to be told that IABU but ... really where does it end? How much should be spent on that present? How long do you do it for?

OP posts:
BeaWheesht · 12/03/2013 22:37

Ps I should point out the non birthday kid gets a £1-2 thing unwrapped

TheCraicDealer · 12/03/2013 22:39

Our best friend and her sister used to get presents on each other's birthdays. We thought it was well weird even as kids.

Having said that, I'm a twin so don't have much experience of Birthday Jealousy. Is your DH worried about them getting on when DD2 is a bit older?

HollyBerryBush · 12/03/2013 22:39

Quite the most bizarre idea I've ever heard

uniqueatlast · 12/03/2013 22:40

A huge no to the sibling pressies from me.

My MIL did this to my son (gave my DSD a present on his birthday) and I was so upset I actually cried at his birthday tea - it was at her house, he was 3, she was 10 and tbf there were other financial issues and I was thoroughly fed up with my son missing out because H couldn't say no to his ex's demands for money but that is another story.

My two (DS,8 and DD,5) have never had a gift on each other's birthday. They are reminded that they will have their own special day during the year. Poor DD does have to share her birthday with her Dad though but even that is split - her's is during the day, his special time is in the evening when we've offloaded the kids to bed. Grin

Original poster
DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 22:41

Craic maybe ... I think he's worried that it will create jealously and then there will be tears and tantrums and will basically end up in a ruined birthday for the other one.

OP posts:
BeaWheesht · 12/03/2013 22:42

Unique - you cried? At his birthday tea? I think that's much more odd than a tiny gift!

SashaSashays · 12/03/2013 22:42

I've heard of it but we don't do it with our DC, there will always be other people's birthdays to contend with.

What about when its their friends or yours and DHs, do they get a present then too?

You get your birthday and other people get theirs, that's it as far as I'm concerned. Things like cake, party bags and the fun make it a good day for all, you don't need to be giving out presents to everyone, its not christmas.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 12/03/2013 22:42

MIL tried to do this once DS2 was born.

We quickly asked her not to and asked where she thought it would end if she started? She luckily could see our point of view, and now sticks £10 in the saving account that she has for each of them on the others birthday.

Everyone's happy Smile

steppemum · 12/03/2013 22:43

nope. No presents on siblings birthdays, and no playing with their siblings presents until sibling has given permission!

Plenty of balloons and cake keep the siblings happy!

Hassled · 12/03/2013 22:44

I've never done it for any of mine. It sort of takes away a bit of the specialness for the birthday child, doesn't it (not that your DD2 will notice at this age)?

Original poster
DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 22:46

Plenty of balloons and cake keep the siblings happy!

Exactly. When they are both actually old enough to understand what a birthday is then I want them to be able to enjoy their siblings birthday - by joining in and having fun.

I don't want either of them to be excited about their sisters birthday because they get a present too.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 12/03/2013 22:47

I certainly didn't do it for mine. But I suppose when children are very small like yours are there might be a case for buying the non-birthday child a present. But it's not necessary.

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/03/2013 22:49

Yanbu.

Its one of the most pathetic things a parent can do ( excluding obvious stuff)

Every single adult I know who had this as a kid is a me me me type and most of the children are spoilt little shits.

Children need to learn that sometimes its not all about them its healthy to learn that lesson as soon as they are old enough for everything not to be about them.