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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not give my child a present on their siblings birthday?

184 replies

DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 22:31

I have two children.

DD(3) and DD9mo. We were discussing tonight what to do for DD2's birthday - decided that we would just be having close family and friends over for afternoon tea cakes.

DH said we should have a present for DD1 as he think she might feel left out with DD2 getting presents and attention.

I think this is ridiculous personally and that it's perhaps sending the wrong message.

I never got presents on my older sisters birthday, DH would get presents on his siblings birthday though.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 23:28

Disney Dad ??

Never heard that term used before. What does it mean?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/03/2013 23:29

The thing is I do remember when my friend's kids were little and she bought her DD a present on her sister's birthday, because she thought she might get jealous and spoil the day.

Well the little madam did get jealous and spoil the day because her sister had 'bigger and better' presents than her. She just couldn't 'get' the fact her present was single and smaller because it wasn't her birthday.

She couldn't win Grin

akaemmafrost · 12/03/2013 23:30

Well maybe I don't notice that they're spoilt but i am pretty certain they're not as other people and rather old fashioned grand parents tell me how lovely they are and how my ds will sometimes ring to check its ok with me before letting a family member get him something.

akaemmafrost · 12/03/2013 23:32

A Disney Dad is a separated or divorced father who when he has his kids buys and gives them anything they want and can be a bit lax on discipline because he doesn't see them as often as would like or should and doesn't want anything to spoil his time with them.

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/03/2013 23:40

Akaemma,

From the passing comments you've made on mn about your kids that I recall,they do sound quite lovely.

akaemmafrost · 12/03/2013 23:44

Smile oh thank you. They really are actually. I know they're mine and I WOULD think that and they do have their moments but are basically so kind. I don't think for one second it's all down to me, just think they're made that way. I got lucky Grin.

wannaBe · 12/03/2013 23:44

ridiculous idea and IMO practiced by parents who are unable to say no to their children.

bootsycollins · 12/03/2013 23:47

It's just a small gesture of kindness, it's nice to be nice Smile

Dromedary · 12/03/2013 23:51

Isn't this a sign of thinking that you have a duty to keep your child happy at all times, and that that happiness means being in receipt of material goodies?
Your child could spend a few days looking forward to the sibling's birthday, deciding what to buy or make for them (and make sure they use their own hard saved pocket money), helping bake the cake, wrap the presents, etc. So enjoying the fun and excitement of doing nice things for someone else who they hopefully care about. Then there's the excitement of seeing the sibling unwrapping their presents, checking out the new toys with them, etc.

Original poster
DeepInTheMeadow · 12/03/2013 23:54

It's just a small gesture of kindness, it's nice to be nice

What? It's nice to be nice?

I don't have to buy material possessions in order to be nice to my children.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 00:09

Gosh. It's really none of those words I picked out. And I can absolutely confirm that neither myself nor my siblings are spoiled little shits.

It is utterly baffling why people need to be so rude about this.

To give the presents or not is a personal choice, there is absolutely nothing wrong in either perspective. Children do not become brats because go receiving a small gift on their siblings birthday. This is being made into a much bigger deal than is necessary.

The majority of families who follow this nice tradition are not going to be doing so because they are afraid their children will tantrum otherwise. It's most odd to assume that perspective.

TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 00:10

go of receiving

IneedAsockamnesty · 13/03/2013 00:11

Tidy so why do you?

TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 00:16

Why shouldn't we? It was a tradition started by my grandmother and we've carried it on. It's nothing to do with materialism or not being able to say no to my DCs.

There is a massive lack of respect here for others family traditions. Some incredibly rude comments have been made on this thread for what is a minor subject.

Why does anyone care so much they would chuck such vitriol at strangers? I really don't get it.

akaemmafrost · 13/03/2013 00:18

Totally with you Tidydancer.

Original poster
DeepInTheMeadow · 13/03/2013 00:20

It's most odd to assume that perspective.

But that is directed at me and that could be viewed as you being rude.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 00:22

No it wasn't directed at you, OP. It was a general comment based on the fact that there has been a lot of rudeness on the thread based on assumptions.

TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 00:23

Thank you, akaemmafrost. :)

IneedAsockamnesty · 13/03/2013 00:41

So why did you decide to carry it on?

I'm asking because I'm interested not because I'm being sarkie

anonymosity · 13/03/2013 00:46

We do this - because there is only 16 months between DCs. Each child on their own birthday gives something small to their sibling and one of their own presents is designated from them. When we started it was because they were too small to understand why they were left out but now its become more about giving / receiving rather than just receiving, if that makes sense. It works for us but in theory only, before we had our DC I would have been appalled at the idea.

OkayHazel · 13/03/2013 01:32

This only happened on one occasion during childhood, when Spice Girls dolls were on BOGOF at Woolworths, and my Mum picked up a Baby for my sisters birthday, and gave me the free Geri because she knew how much I loved her.

Was not expected whatsoever, and though it made a lovely treat on one occasion, the day is and always will be my sisters.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 13/03/2013 01:44

Its been a while so I forget but I think we did it for DS#2 when he was 18 months but haven't since then.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 13/03/2013 02:25

This is a real bug bear of mine!

It was recently DS1's 2nd birthday, and we also have DS2 who is a newborn and DP's 7 year old daughter. She did my head in the whole day when it came to present opening. She tried snatching them off him to open herself and this really pissed me off.

Then when we got to my dad's he had wrapped a few presents up for her to open whilst DS opened his. Obviously she had less than him, and rushed through them. Once she had finished she kept asking are there any more presents or her and once again tried to open DS's presents.

I've always thought it is a bizarre idea buying siblings presents. They have 1 birthday in the year and it should be left at that, or else where do we draw the line? My DP's daughter is so expecting of things due to other people throwing gifts and treats at her left right and centre, that when another child is treated (for their birthday) and not her she becomes very annoying and jealous and tries to take over. On her birthday we will make a fuss over her the same way as her brothers.

BenjaminButton172 · 13/03/2013 07:01

When i hear something like this i cant help thinking 'what about the birthday child'

Its their birthday, their special day but yet their siblings get presents too. It would make the day feel less special for the birthday child. I feel sorry for the birthday child.

exoticfruits · 13/03/2013 07:03

Mine are close in age so the one with the birthday lets the sibling play with the presents so it really isn't a problem.

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