To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

[sheeplikessleep]

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

This sort of thing makes me more determined that if ever DP and I get married, we are having a very small do, registry office and a meal out in a local restaurant sort of thing. Probably 20-30 people max, all local. I think, given the people I'd invite, that for us it would have to be a mid-week day, due to the numbers working weekends, but it would be for a school holiday.

OP, don't worry about getting your DS to school on the friday afternoon, it simply isn't worth it (voice of experience here).

And for the posters assuming that because some of us don't see the need for the DS to go to school on the friday pm, that we don't care about education, you couldn't be more wrong. Both my DCs have been taken out of school for the odd event, and both are doing very well at school.

School will authorise family weddings. Can't see the big deal about taking DC out of school for a couple of days. It unlikely to see him fall behind. Have you seen some of the things they do at school some weeks.

How old is he????? Exams??????

Just finished reading the rest of the thread and see he is 6. Can't really see him missing a lot if he is this age. Really, some people can get so precious about missing school.

I got married on a Wednesday. It cost a HELL of a lot less (the difference between marrying and not marrying, in fact, as we had a very cheap wedding).

We didn't, however, invite many people, and made sure those who we were inviting (since we were having so few) could come first.

School will authorise family weddings. Can't see the big deal about taking DC out of school for a couple of days. It unlikely to see him fall behind. Have you seen some of the things they do at school some weeks.

Yes the will school aunthorised a family christening for our dds infact 2 of them as we had to travel on a thursday, tbh schools are usually really good about things like that, and it is only 2 days I can't see what the hoha is about either,

perhaps they are sticking to a sensible budget, and perhaps by opting for a thursday they are able to afford a nicer meal for the guests, a few more drinks for the guests and to invite all the guests they want to avoid people feeling snubbed. Maybe they've been very considerate of their guests on the whole.

Well I don't think that OP IBU in that she would have preferred not to have to take her child(ren)? out of school for this.

I think it is inconsiderate of SIL to be expecting that child(ren) will be taken out of school for her wedding.

There's plenty of reasons why someone might get married on a Thursday. Choosing a Thursday as a wedding day isn't inconsiderate in itself.

Maybe they're short of money and need to keep costs down - weekend wedddings are much more expensive.

Maybe they want to get married as soon as possible, and all the good venues near them are booked solid at weekends for months or years in advance.

Maybe they, or a majority of close family / friends work weekends.

However, I do think that if someone's getting married on a weekday, they should be prepared for invitees to decline the invite on the grounds that they can't afford to miss work / take DC's out of school. It's unreasonable to plan a weekday wedding and then complain or lay on guilt trips because some guests can't make it, especially in the case of guests who live a long way away.

Milf, it has nothing to do with not caring, but for us it would cost 40% of that weeks wages (2 days off). On top of all the usual wedding expense it would end up costing a fortune.

In dh's previous job he just wouldn't have had the leave to use. Set holidays at Easter and Xmas plus bank holidays then a summer holiday only.

Anyway, I couldn't care less when anyone has their wedding because if it doesn't suit I just decline the invitation. No biggy really.

We got married on a Thursday and don't regret it or feel selfish! A large percentage of our guests were teachers or students on their summer holidays. The other guests included doctors, nurses, a policewoman, an OT, sound engineer, musician, etc none of whom work mon-fri 9-5. In fact, pretty much the only people who had to take days off work because it was a Thursday not a Saturday were DH and I!

Ps - I should say I wouldn't have had it mid-week in term time though because that would have been an inconvenience to the teachers and students.

Weekday weddings are a PITA.
Two days pay lost on top of travel+outfit+present+hotel = too much £££.

Should have said 2 days pay each for me and DH if the wedding is on the other side of the country where our families live.

Is it really such a problem to deal with an unauthorized absence?

Ok i will try and address some of the points people have raiaed - We are giving people 18 months notice so it's unlikely people will have already booked that far in advance, therefore I can't really see lack of holidy being an issue.

For us, all of the people closest to us will be able to get the time off, if other People can't then that's fair enough and we understand.

I would rather have a wedding that we want then have people there then don't care enough to come. I know there are extradordinary circumstance where people do care and don't make it - but I'm struggling to see tbh. If its close family and freda I dont see why you want make it - it's a once in a life time event not a yearly one!!x

Milf - I think some people see it has explained earlier in the thread: its a cost saving for the bride and groom, by passing the costs off on to their guests.

If I had a week day wedding I'd expect a proportion of people not to be able to go. Friday is not too bad but a Thursday would be pretty difficult if people have a long way to come, regardless of notice.

What I'd do is find a venue where there didn't charge more for Saturdays. We got married in a church and had the reception at a golf club, and the cost was the same regardless of what day you chose.

You HAVE to think about how much it's all going to cost for guests, how people are going to get there etc. My first thought was always for everyone coming and how to make it a nice day for them, having been to a few weddings with a lot of waiting around and lack of thought for guests.

Maebe, it saved us at least 7 grand - that's a hell of a lot of money to waste just because some people might not be able to make it because o work! We have a mortgage, a toddler and would like to ttc - its not likethat sort of money is forthcoming :/

Snort at DH's earnest protests it's a once in a life time event! (When she's been married before) Just... Such a.... Man thing to say.

My DC are too young for school but I really wouldn't want to pull them out for a 2 day extravaganza with a haughty bridezilla and brotherzilla, no less Even though the missing school would be my main concern, I think hauling 3 children that age to a hotel and a wedding = misery for you. I know you have to go, and I would (and have) too (thank GOD my brother and his partner are hippies against marriage) but I wouldn't be impressed. In fact I'd be all smiles and when finally home, quite exhausted and shitty at the family pressure and bridezilla wailing if you didn't bring DC. I know the feeling...

But I hate extravagant 'us,us, USSS!!!' weddings and I especially would hate being in the car with my three monsters DC for four hours each way. Like I said, I'd do it, but I wouldn't enjoy it and I'd probably end up in tears of exhaustion/rage because I'm highly strung whilst DH looked on blankly, not understanding.

I really sympathize OP, early education is extremely important to me too (especially since DSS has SN) and I'm fairy certain we're married to the same man... Sometimes I cheekily want to get him a 'Frankie says RELAX' shirt since he's so bloody calm all the time.

My post is useless but I truly empathise at the frustration of a relative bridezilla (my side, insisted DC be there for photos to make her look good, bitch) and a relaxed, up in the clouds DH who doesn't see your point. I say enjoy the bar and let your DHzilla drive home and take care of the kids. This is what Mean Mummy here did on a no choice wedding. TBF I was seething, this family member was: Hens night self paid + gift, bridal shower, organised as a 'surprise' and I was expected to contribute and hep organise + gift, bridal party (I don't know the difference either ) + gift as well as a cash present only -firmly stated in the rules, including an envelope with your name AND how much you gave on the front!- plus a bloody cash bar. Even DH was ashamed of my said family member when it all started to unravel. When I told him I was drinking and he was on kid patrol I didn't hear a peep. He's never mentioned it but I still remember the bloody year from hell. The worst part? I've left stuff out so I can't be identified!!!

This family member turned into someone I didn't know, she's actually quite normal. I still am thankful once her carry on began I turned down bridesmaid... Those poor women had it even worse than me!

Ahem.... Excuse my rant, just trying to say I identify with a doe eyed hubby he thought he'd get the bar... HAH! And a bridezilla.

Good luck. Try to enjoy yourself and not kill the blushing bride or your DHzilla. Breathe, enjoy the bar and force him to drive and handle DC. Remember,it's a once in a lifetime event he wants. Make sure he's sober enough to remember every. Single. Detail.

Have only read first page probably already mentioned but what about those that choose to get married abroad... I think a Thursday you got off lightly!! enjoy the few days off..

Maebe, it saved us at least 7 grand - that's a hell of a lot of money to waste just because some people might not be able to make it because o work! We have a mortgage, a toddler and would like to ttc - its not likethat sort of money is forthcoming :/

I wonder how much the wedding is costing overall if a saving of 7 grand is to be made according to which day you hold it?

Our entire wedding cost less than £9,000, ok it was 9 years ago but that was for a traditional church wedding & reception on a Saturday with 110+ people, flowers, cars and that also included the honeymoon!

The point is you don't HAVE to spend that much even on a Saturday.

i agree OP i do think it's part of the attitude that as long as the b&g save money/have the day they want then it's okay to expect people to take precious limited holidays off work, lose wages and travel miles to stay 2 nights in expensive hotels. People justify it as it being a lot cheaper for them, but it is a LOT more expensive for their guests.

One year we were invited to 4 weddings in country piles, miles away from anywhere (nowhere near B&G's area either). All were mid week meaning 3 days off work for each (for which i didn't get paid and DH only having 20 day allocation i think 3 days is a big percentage to ask for). Hotels cost a fortune. Gift lists with nothing under £50. Stag and Hens in foreign countries etc. Utter madness. We realised each one would cost us about £1000 and would use up our years annual leave. We declined them all and spent the money on a lovely holiday. And as an added bonus some awful family members have never spoken to me again!

Clouds and Trees - how do you know that a family who would take a child out for a one off family wedding is also not reading? I get so frustrated by generalisations like that. You have no idea what each family does, or how 'slow' a reader each child is, or in fact anything specific so your post is just conjecture. The only thing you know is there is a general link between poor school attendance and attainment, but there is no way you can say a two day trip for any single child will have a predictable level of impact, every case is different.

Fillyjonk we are looking at less than 7 grand altogether - at the weekes we have to pay for exclusive use