Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Original poster

To be horrified with my friend and not really want to see her any more?

378 replies

Rosesarenotalwaysred · 10/03/2013 19:35

My 'friend' is actually the wife of one of my dh's golf buddies and while we usually get on ok, we don't really have a lot in common and I find her a tad spoilt and selfish.

She has never been particularly hands on with her kids, opting to put her son in full time child care from an early age despite her not working because she didnt want to give up going to the gym etc, which i don't have a problem with, it's her life after all.

However she recently has a 'much wanted' second child and booked a holiday abroad for the four of them plus her PILs for a couple of months after the baby was born. When it came time for the holiday she decided it would be too much hassle to take an 8 wk old baby abroad and decided instead to leave him at home with her parents and went away for 2 weeks! I know it really is none of my business but I can't help but be utterly disgusted with her for caring so little about this poor little baby, I could understand if her and her hubby wanted a night away to themselves but to go on holiday and leave the baby for 2 whole weeks seems beyond the pale.

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 10/03/2013 19:37

you are right ...it is none of your business

appletarts · 10/03/2013 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/03/2013 19:39

It wouldn't be my preference.

By the way it's really clear your judgy pants are giving you crotch ache

Original poster

Rosesarenotalwaysred · 10/03/2013 19:40

Accidentally posted without finishing...
Basically, she keeps ringing and texting wanting to meet up for coffee but I really don't want anything to do with her now, I know it sound very snobbish of me - I don't consider myself mother of the year by any stretch- but I'm not sure if I could hide my disdain if I saw her. I know I ABU but just wondered what you would think...

OP posts:

MoreSnowPlease · 10/03/2013 19:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

JakeBullet · 10/03/2013 19:40

Each to their own I suppose but I couldn't have done it.....dont think I could do that even now.

Shakey1500 · 10/03/2013 19:41

Why is she a friend if you consider her spoilt, selfish and a disgusting parent?

YABU to judge her.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 10/03/2013 19:42

YANBU - that friend is very odd and yes, judge all you like. This bloody thing on MN about not judging is a crock of shite. Everyone judges, assesses, makes assumptions, draws conclusions ALL the time to some extent or other.

kinkyfuckery · 10/03/2013 19:42

Judgey-pants much?

None of your business.

If you don't want to be her friend, she's probably better off without you anyway

InNeedOfBrandy · 10/03/2013 19:42

I don't really see the problem, baby won't mind as long as its food warmth sleep and comfort is took care of.

You don't have to like babies and small children I don't and can't wait for the teen years tbh and I went to magaloof on a girls holiday when dd was a couple of months old. Meh wouldn't want to e friends with a judgy person like you in the first place either.

ubik · 10/03/2013 19:45

It does sound selfish

But word of caution - have you thought she may have had PND? It doesn't found like it, but it is a possibility and perhaps wants some support/ friendship?

Snog · 10/03/2013 19:45

YABU to pretend to b her friend when you're clearl nothing of the kind

ubik · 10/03/2013 19:47

And the fact is that te baby doesn't just need warmth and comfort - it needs a primary carer to attach to in these early days. Not seeing a small baby fir 2 weeks is a very long time - I left DD3 for a week at 13 months and that felt too long for me.

Original poster

Rosesarenotalwaysred · 10/03/2013 19:48

She is a friend by default rather than by choice but have always made the effort because our DHs spend a lot of time together. I know it's very judgy of me and really don't know why it bothers me so much to be honest but it just does!

I don't think she's a disgusting parent in general, a bit selfish maybe but I guess we all would be a bit more selfish if we could get away with it ;-)

OP posts:

MoominmammasHandbag · 10/03/2013 19:48

In need Are you being serious? Babies develop a bond with their primary carer. It can be horribly upsetting for them to be away from that person.
And I really wouldn't be too eager to get to those teenage years.

Tryharder · 10/03/2013 19:50

It wouldn't be for me either and I breastfed so impossible. But for a bottle fed baby, I really don't see a problem as long as her parents were able and willing to look after the baby well.

I can understand you being a bit judgey but you are overreacting to say you are 'horrified'.

It sounds like they have money and close family so I am sure that these children will grow up loved, happy and not wanting for anything.

appletarts · 10/03/2013 19:50

Poor in need of boozy doesn't realise that a baby needs its mother not just a warm blanket and a bottle. Hundreds of years of attachment theory and psychology mean nothing eh. I wouldn't touch this friend with a barge pole and would be tempted to tell her why.

It is important to judge eachothers behaviour, we are social creatures and this is how we come up with the concept of normal which proves a useful barometer in society, otherwise lets just all please ourselves eh. Nice.

lottie63 · 10/03/2013 19:51

It wouldnt be my way of doing things BUT it s often the way of some cultures to hand over childcare to grandparents from a very early age - and the kids don t seem to be any worse off, so inherently, as long as the baby is being attended to, I think it's probably okay. I couldnt do it but I think I'm the other extreme, or have been until recently - and I'm not sure that's much better, either for the mother or child tbh

foreverondiet · 10/03/2013 19:51

I don't see the problem... Are you suggesting that her mother can't look after the baby? Or because she is not breast feeding.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 10/03/2013 19:53

I'd judge and not want to go with her for coffee.

Is she taking the older child?

Activ · 10/03/2013 19:54

TBH it's such odd unusual behaviour I think there must be something behind it. Can't think what, maybe PND or something else that means a break from the baby is essential for the mother.

If you don't want to spend time with her though, don't.

MyCatHasStaff · 10/03/2013 19:54

I would find it hard to maintain a friendship with someone with such different attitudes to me. I think I'd find it hard to find common ground.

Mollydoggerson · 10/03/2013 19:55

I think being horified is a rather extreme reaction.

I don't think the child will be scarred. She does sound spoilt and I wouldn't judge you for wanting to distance yourself from her, but I think you need to get off the high horse.

InNeedOfBrandy · 10/03/2013 19:55

Yes I'm being serious, I really don't get the fuss at always having your babies attached at your hips. I stayed with my grandparents till dd was 4 months old and my lovely nan would do shifts with me so I could get decent 6/7 blocks of hours sleep so wasn't like dd was left with a stranger while I partied it up. With ds my nan, mum and auntie looked after him over night regularly in the first 6 weeks till he slept through.

I dont believe in attachment parenting bollocks and I have a great relationship and am very close to my children 5 and 7 now. Who wants to be a martyr.

everlong · 10/03/2013 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16