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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be horrified with my friend and not really want to see her any more?

378 replies

Rosesarenotalwaysred · 10/03/2013 19:35

My 'friend' is actually the wife of one of my dh's golf buddies and while we usually get on ok, we don't really have a lot in common and I find her a tad spoilt and selfish.

She has never been particularly hands on with her kids, opting to put her son in full time child care from an early age despite her not working because she didnt want to give up going to the gym etc, which i don't have a problem with, it's her life after all.

However she recently has a 'much wanted' second child and booked a holiday abroad for the four of them plus her PILs for a couple of months after the baby was born. When it came time for the holiday she decided it would be too much hassle to take an 8 wk old baby abroad and decided instead to leave him at home with her parents and went away for 2 weeks! I know it really is none of my business but I can't help but be utterly disgusted with her for caring so little about this poor little baby, I could understand if her and her hubby wanted a night away to themselves but to go on holiday and leave the baby for 2 whole weeks seems beyond the pale.

OP posts:
pictish · 11/03/2013 08:30

And yes I agree...the OP is no 'friend' to the woman she is talking about.

ClairesTravellingCircus · 11/03/2013 08:32

Not something I would do, but to be 'shocked' and 'disgusted' for this?

Baby will be fine. I wouldn't end a friendship (not that this sounds like one) over something like this.

shewhowines · 11/03/2013 08:36

Judge away. I'll join you. I'm "shocked and disgusted" claires

5madthings · 11/03/2013 08:38

Oh some more voices of reason!

Seriously some if the lists on here are bordering on hysterical. It wouldn't be my choice but I really don't think its terrible. Baby will be well looked after no doubt and mum and dad have a break, maybe they need some time together?

There could be any number of reasons or they just fancy a holiday, either way its not that big a deal. No one is forcing anyone else to leave their babies. To each their own, its not abusive or neglectful.

shewhowines · 11/03/2013 08:47

Why do some people ever have children? They are not possessions to be picked up and put down and then put to the back of the cupboard when you've had enough. They are not there for your convenience and selfish reasons.

They need a huge investment in your time and energy, especially in the early days and yes i think it is bloody selfish to have them, if you are not prepared to make them your number one priority.

Yes I'm sure lots of people fancy a rest or have some other bloody poor excuse but I'm not buying it. If that makes me hysterical, then yes I am.

shewhowines · 11/03/2013 08:49

There's a difference from having a small break and recharging your batteries to having 2 weeks off.

5madthings · 11/03/2013 08:50

Yes you are hysterical. The baby isn't being put in a cupboard!!! Offs its being looked after by its grandparents.

Its threads like this that give mnet its impression of hysterical harpies who judge and are nasty about other women.

ClairesTravellingCircus · 11/03/2013 08:57

I'm not judging Smile

But I would save my outrage for real neglect or abuse tbh

pictish · 11/03/2013 08:58

shewhowines - it's not for you to decide where the line is drawn is it?

shewhowines · 11/03/2013 09:03

No but I can have a strong view on it as anybody has the right to.

I don't think i am particularly overly judgemental in a lot of areas. Each to their own normally, but I feel particularly strongly about this.

pictish · 11/03/2013 09:04

Have a chocolate medal.

LittleChickpea · 11/03/2013 09:04

This thread is turning into Comic Genius, I am pee'img myself laughing.....

"Oh, oh dear I am rattled, ruffled, disquieted, in a flap, all in a fluster, Shaking, hot and bothered about how you choose to bring your child/children up."

If the children re not abused or neglected whats the problem, its non o you business. Some of the comments on here are utter balls!

threesypeesy · 11/03/2013 09:08

Shock at some of the comments on this, some people must have permanent wedges they have the judgy pants that bloody high!! If it doesn't impact your life what's the issue?

Who needs enemies when so called friends slate them and plasterthere business all over mn!!

Image sure the baby is going to be fine!!

phoenixrose314 · 11/03/2013 09:08

YANBU to feel the way you do, I would be shocked at somebody doing that with their 8 week old. I have a trip planned to perform at the O2 with my choir 4 months after my baby is born and I am already feeling super guilty and uncomfortable about it!

Am genuinely shocked at how many MNers think this is ok... Shows why the next generation are as messed up as they are, I guess.

Thingiebob · 11/03/2013 09:10

Posters are 'outraged', 'horrified'
'Disgusted' and so on because a woman is going on holiday with her DH...and presumably her son.

8 wk old safe at home with loving pils.

Ludicrous.

pictish · 11/03/2013 09:11

Am genuinely shocked at how many MNers think this is ok... Shows why the next generation are as messed up as they are, I guess.

That doesn't even makes sense!

WhatsTheBuzz · 11/03/2013 09:11

pictish, that 'el thicko attitude' goes both ways. 'Thicko' when someone doesn't share your opinion? Deary me.

pictish · 11/03/2013 09:13

Yes that's right el thicko.

Those who have the most to say, often have the most to learn.

eavesdropping · 11/03/2013 09:13

I'd be pretty shocked at somebody planning 2 weeks away from their 8 week old. I can't really fathom why anybody would want to be away for that long. I would have thought if a break if really needed for PND reasons or whatever, then a weekend would suffice at that age.

DH and I have a week's holiday booked later this year, DD will be 2.5. We genuinely do need the break alone, but even with her being that age I feel a bit wobbly and question our decision!

HeadFairy · 11/03/2013 09:15

My friend who left her 8 week old didn't go for a relaxing break, she went for two weeks of full on clubbing taking drugs and getting shit faced every night. She was 39 years old and had been doing this for years. It wasn't like she was missing out on an important rite of passage. She was just being selfish and admitted as much.

LittleChickpea · 11/03/2013 09:16

Again pee'img myself laughing... Yeah the next generation are all going to need psychological help, maybe become murders, thieves and be totally antisocial because heir loving parents went on a two week holiday and left them with their loving grand parents.....

It's been a shitty week for me since last Monday but defo stayin on this thread. It's cheering me right up! Ha ha ha

pictish · 11/03/2013 09:18

I would have thought if a break if really needed for PND reasons or whatever, then a weekend would suffice at that age.

Would you? Is that what you've decided then...that they are reasonably permitted a weekend without too much judgement, as that is what you have decreed as acceptable, but any longer, and it's a black mark against their parenting is it? The parenting of these total strangers who you have never met and know nothing about?

Glad that's cleared up then. Or some shit.

Thingiebob · 11/03/2013 09:19

I agree with Pictish.

So there.

shewhowines · 11/03/2013 09:22

pictish you sound hysterical arguing the opposite. You obviously feel the need to defend this person very strongly. Are there aspects of your parenting that you feel guilty about and need to justify to yourself?

pictish · 11/03/2013 09:23

Nice try...but no.