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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect dh to show some remorse or some understanding?

350 replies

Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:12

(I have named changed as I have to friends on here - sorry).
I am really annoyed and upset with dh and he doesn't appear to have a care in the world!

Last weekend was dh's work night out, so dh had booked a hotel to avoid coming home worse for wear and waking me and dd. This is his story . . .

Had a good night drank a bit much. Some of the ladies at work had a falling out, leading to one of them not getting her lift / shared taxi home. She is crying. All the other men from work suddenly disappear, have to get home, have important phonecalls to make! Dh is left with crying colleague. He comforts her and tells her his room has a spare bed, so she can stay there! This offer is accepted. Nothing happens. He takes her home the following day.

Right so he comes home and tells me this the next day. I trust him, so if he says nothing happened, Then nothing happened. But I am still within my right to be angry and upset by this right? I am not being unreasonable am I? I would never do this to him or put someone else's. wife in this position!

OP posts:

GirlOutNumbered · 07/03/2013 14:08

No I am aware of that, but I think that there are types that will not cheat. For some people, its just a no no. Just like for some, they find it easy and for some they would sleep with anyone if the chance arose.

Anyway, thats just my opinion and its not anything to do with this post particularly.

BegoniaBampot · 07/03/2013 14:44

I'd say I'm not the type to cheat and never have, not even a kiss in 18 years orzo. I still wouldn't say I'd never do it though.

HighJinx · 07/03/2013 14:57

I honestly don't think cheating is about type as much as it is about situation or circumstance.

OK there are some people who are serial cheaters and ever more shall be so but for those who aren't, I think the right (or wrong) chain of events could lead to it for anyone.

Interestingly enough a number of the people I know who have had affairs were extremely vocal beforehand about how they would never cheat and how dreadful and unforgivable such behaviour was.

BeCool · 07/03/2013 15:11

the room thing I would be OK about if I trusted him - it's a nice thing to do.

What I find odd is "He takes her home the following day."
Why this? Why take her home the following day?

Still simply being Mr Nice Guy?

Is this woman so woefully incapable of getting herself home even the next day? Did they have breakfast together first etc.

It could be so overly pathetic on her part and over involved on his to take her home the following day. Or does she live enroute/around the corner and your DH drove and she didn't?

It could still all be completely innocent of course! But I think it's weird he feels an ongoing sense of responsibility for this person.

Thisisaeuphemism · 07/03/2013 16:08

A nice thing to do? Seriously?

I have of course got drunk, by umm accident, with work colleagues.

If one of the guys then said, ' why don't you stay in my hotel room?' I would be 'erm, just help me get a cab please...'

madonnawhore · 07/03/2013 17:14

Good point about driving her home.

They must've woken up together, hung out while they used the bathroom and sorted themselves out, maybe had breakfast together...

It's just too intimate and cosy. Not on at all.

madonnawhore · 07/03/2013 17:15

And yeah, if I was drunk and a male colleague invited me back to his hotel room, there's no fucking way I'd go unless I was single an fancied him.

CherylTrole · 07/03/2013 18:58

This thread is neverending. Another point is the OPs OH books hotels all the time when he is drinking, another red flag.

RevoltingPeasant · 07/03/2013 19:03

I know, Cheryl........ I also want to know where this guy works where people get legless on nights out!

Sounds like MadMen.

Yes, also, I hadn't really thought about it from the OW's female colleague's POV - why why why would you do that with a colleague?

I remember once being incredibly drunk as a student and a random male friend(also drunk) crashing on my floor. Even then, at 19 and with no 'professional reputation', I found it uncomfortable and wanted him to leave as I just didn't want to be staggering to the loo in the night with a random person there. Cannot imagine this scenario as an employed adult.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2013 19:15

OP is long gone, and still it rumbles

CherylTrole · 07/03/2013 19:19

I can guarantee one thing in all this, the OP doesnt stay at hotels/ go to jollies all the time, if at all, and is left at home with her dd, while her OH does his thang. So unfair. However he will do it as long as she accepts it. Sad but true.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2013 19:20

indeed

CherylTrole · 07/03/2013 19:21

Cant see the OP coming back.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2013 19:22

indeed

AnyFucker · 07/03/2013 19:23

< until the next time >

complexnumber · 07/03/2013 19:25

If the OP had mentioned that her DH had previously been unfaithful, then there would have been a bucketful of LTB type responses.

However that is not the case.

Instead we have a thousand nosey parkers judging some bloke they have never met upon a few lines written by a person who has already admitted they do not believe the 'crime' has been committed.

Fillyjonk75 · 07/03/2013 19:34

DH and his Whitehall civil servant colleagues get ratted on nights out, not all the time, but I'm not aware that they have inappropriate relations going on, much. As for the politicians, well...

When I was a bastard lawyer in the city it was de rigeur to drink like a fish, as long as you didn't get too messy. As a paralegal I'd start drinking wine on an empty stomach straight from work and be asleep in a corner somewhere by 9 o'clock. Not in the corner of a married man's bedroom though...

AnyFucker · 07/03/2013 19:34

oh, I dunno

Op invited comment and advice, on an open forum

it's not really about "nosey parkers" is it ?

CherylTrole · 07/03/2013 19:34

complex OP told us the facts and the more astute Sherlocks amongst us have indeed deduced the OPs OH is guilty of making up a story.

Fillyjonk75 · 07/03/2013 19:36

His story just smells like rancid kippers though. Decidedly fishy.

complexnumber · 07/03/2013 19:44

"it's not really about "nosey parkers" is it ? "

You may be right. I'm not sure what else to call it when so many posters choose to make up bits of a story that they have no evidence for, and then draw a conclusion.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2013 20:06

CN... I would call that "reading between the lines"

whether you agree with the outcome is entirely a subjective thing

LaQueen · 07/03/2013 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 07/03/2013 20:47

IMO, OP would not have posted on here if she wern't suspicious. This can't be easy to read, but she invited comment by posting.

2rebecca · 07/03/2013 21:15

Agree with jamie and anyfucker. if my husband came home with a story about a night out and sharing a bedroom with a drunk female colleague who lived down the road and I believed him I wouldn't start a thread on AIBU about it.

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