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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to show some remorse or some understanding?

350 replies

Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:12

(I have named changed as I have to friends on here - sorry).
I am really annoyed and upset with dh and he doesn't appear to have a care in the world!

Last weekend was dh's work night out, so dh had booked a hotel to avoid coming home worse for wear and waking me and dd. This is his story . . .

Had a good night drank a bit much. Some of the ladies at work had a falling out, leading to one of them not getting her lift / shared taxi home. She is crying. All the other men from work suddenly disappear, have to get home, have important phonecalls to make! Dh is left with crying colleague. He comforts her and tells her his room has a spare bed, so she can stay there! This offer is accepted. Nothing happens. He takes her home the following day.

Right so he comes home and tells me this the next day. I trust him, so if he says nothing happened, Then nothing happened. But I am still within my right to be angry and upset by this right? I am not being unreasonable am I? I would never do this to him or put someone else's. wife in this position!

OP posts:
greenfolder · 05/03/2013 07:30

he did a nice thing for a woman in distress.

you trust him.

my husband would do this type of thing- if he had the money on him he might have put her in a cab. if he didnt he would probably of offered her the bed and slept on the floor himself. Thats kinda why he is my life partner- very much a "nobody gets left behind" man.

seriously suggest you move on

Chandon · 05/03/2013 07:30

I think it is a silly solution, I would smell a rat somewhere. There were tons of other solutions. Sharing a room with a colleague is just not appropriate. I, personally, would never do it.

I also think it is silly to get a hotel room as you are planning to get drunk.

The whole set up would seem odd to me, but we all live different lives.

MrsKeithRichards · 05/03/2013 07:33

How bizzare. Sure she was maybe a bit dramatic and no doubt could have survived without a man helping her out but why be a martyr? They're colleagues, probably even friends, why not help her out?

If she was a he would there be an issue?

HollyBerryBush · 05/03/2013 07:33

I'm with greenfolder on this.

Purely because I have another sofa full of teenaged waifs and strays this morning. Some people are helpers and some people turn a blind eye 9as typified by this womans other collegues)

And yes there are a million things that could have happened, but when you are pissed, tired and want to go to bed, making a mental check list of whats what is the last thing on your mind.

Original poster
Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:34

I suppose I am finding the whole thing a bit difficult because I don't drink, so I would never have left myself in this situation! And I would never think that sharing a room (even innocently) with a man was a sensible conclusion to a night out.

OP posts:
ll31 · 05/03/2013 07:34

yabu, clearly you dont trust him so maube try and figure out why, rather thsn getting distracted by a non issue....

pictish · 05/03/2013 07:34

Of course there wouldn't...if it had been a bloke OP wouldn't have blinked.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 05/03/2013 07:36

I can see why he did it.

I can see why you're upset.

Both positions are reasonable.

Is he saying YABU, by the way?

awaywego1 · 05/03/2013 07:37

I genuinely wouldn't be bothered..I guess you need to think about whether you really trust your DP.

HollyBerryBush · 05/03/2013 07:39

And I would never think that sharing a room (even innocently) with a man was a sensible conclusion to a night out.

Would that be because all men are predators???

NotYouNaanBread · 05/03/2013 07:39

You should only really be upset at your DH for putting himself in such an inappropriate situation. It will get out at work and anybody who hears will assume they had sex.

He should have paid for another room or a taxi. And assuming she hadn't left the house without her wallet, she would have been able to arrange either of these for herself. Having a drunk squabble with your colleagues doesn't leave you incapacitated (unless that hot guy from the other dept seems to be still around & looks like he might offer you a bed in his room...).

Original poster
Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:39

Dh is not suggesting I am being unreasonable. But he believes he did the right thing for similar to the reasons given by other posters.

Whilst I don't think it was the right thing to do, in fact I think it was totally inappropriate, regardless of whether anything happened. And I'd never want it to happen again.

Whereas dh, believes it was the right choice and would potentially do it again if the situation arose!

OP posts:
Lueji · 05/03/2013 07:40

I once shared a sleeper train cabin with a male colleague, both married.
Nothing at all happened.n

Would you feel the same if this had been with a male colleague?

OneHandFlapping · 05/03/2013 07:41

I wouldn't trust any DH who told me this tall story. My bullshit antennae would be flapping madly, and I'd be checking his phone and putting spyware on his laptop.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 05/03/2013 07:42

I was really trying to imagine myself and dp in this situation and I trust him unequivocally so YABU really, or you don't trust your partner.

Original poster
Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:43

I don't think men predators. I have lots of male friends and colleagues. I would just never choose for them to share m bedroom. That is for my husband only!

OP posts:
TomDudgeon · 05/03/2013 07:44

The thing is if I were that woman I know that nothing would have happened. I'm not like that
But
I also wouldn't risk doing it because people never believe that something didn't happen and I wouldn't want to allow rumours to start that could upset my husband, the colleague or the colleagues wife.
So I also wouldn't put myself in the in the ops dhs position because this makes it inappropriate. They are work colleagues.

Original poster
Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:45

Oh and I haven't added spyware to his computer or mobile - in case you are all worried!

OP posts:
pouffepants · 05/03/2013 07:45

Absolute non-issue in my eyes.

Stuck in a situation, there's a spare bed, why would she not sleep in it? Miles easier than faffing about with taxis, just in case someone might not trust someone when in fact they do.

LastInTheQueue · 05/03/2013 07:46

I don't see the problem. I'm guessing you wouldn't have been bothered had it been a male work colleague?

GirlOutNumbered · 05/03/2013 07:46

I trust my husband and if it was a work colleague I would also be absolutely fine. He is friends with his colleagues and so he would want to do what's best.

He told you straight away, so I don't really think there is an issue here.

If you don't trust him though, well that's another story.

Xroads · 05/03/2013 07:47

I wouldn't be best pleased about it, it just wouldn't sit right with me. I trust my dh, been together 11yrs and he's never made me doubt his faithfulness but I still wouldn't be happy, think its a lack of consideration for my feelings that would upset me.

somewhatavoidant · 05/03/2013 07:48

Talk it through then let it go. That would be a demonstration of the trust you have in him. It's just one of those wee bumps on the road, pity to make it into a big bump Smile

Original poster
Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:48

I wouldn't have been bothered about a male colleague. However, I would still have queried why he couldn't phone a taxi!

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 05/03/2013 07:50

Why was it inappropriate if nothing happened between them?

My DH would do something like that. I'd probably feel a bit jealous because that's human nature, but I trust him and have no reason to think he'd be romantically or sexually interested in another woman. So I'd let it go.

Did your DH tell you why she was upset? If she was just crying because she was drunk in the way that some people do, I'd think she was probably taking advantage and be a bit annoyed with her, not him. If she had genuine reason to be upset, then I'd be pleased that my husband was a kind and generous enough person to want to help.

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