Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to show some remorse or some understanding?

350 replies

Confusedmummy2 · 05/03/2013 07:12

(I have named changed as I have to friends on here - sorry).
I am really annoyed and upset with dh and he doesn't appear to have a care in the world!

Last weekend was dh's work night out, so dh had booked a hotel to avoid coming home worse for wear and waking me and dd. This is his story . . .

Had a good night drank a bit much. Some of the ladies at work had a falling out, leading to one of them not getting her lift / shared taxi home. She is crying. All the other men from work suddenly disappear, have to get home, have important phonecalls to make! Dh is left with crying colleague. He comforts her and tells her his room has a spare bed, so she can stay there! This offer is accepted. Nothing happens. He takes her home the following day.

Right so he comes home and tells me this the next day. I trust him, so if he says nothing happened, Then nothing happened. But I am still within my right to be angry and upset by this right? I am not being unreasonable am I? I would never do this to him or put someone else's. wife in this position!

OP posts:
Tabliope · 05/03/2013 15:50

Haven't read the replies so sorry if it's been said but above and beyond whether you trust him or not he left himself a bit wide open - to either gossip if it gets found out at work or if she was drunk and made a pass at him and he turned her down she could make anything up - far fetched probably but it happens and I think you need to protect yourself from those things. I wouldn't be happy. He should have stuck her in a taxi in view of everyone else there.

HairyHandedTrucker · 05/03/2013 15:52

that's what I think and hehas put op in the situation where if she questions him she is the unreasonable one. because he told her a version of events without being prompted. and no,like someone up thread said he doesn't have to call op and ask for moral advice. but if he cared about her feelings he walked have checked.

BegoniaBampot · 05/03/2013 16:05

The OP has said she believes and trusts her husband that nothing happened. That's not so much the issue than that she wants him to realise it was an unwise and possibly hurtful and worrying action with wider consequencies.I don't think it's helpful to be putting thoughts of shagging or an affair into her mind.

BegoniaBampot · 05/03/2013 16:08

And Mrs Koala, I'm glad you are so confident and right on that this would be no problem for you and making out that those of us who would feel uncomfortable (to say the least) with this are repressed, uptight, ridiculous or in crap relationships (compared to you and your Oh of course).

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 05/03/2013 16:09

Agree BB.

LaQueen · 05/03/2013 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyHandedTrucker · 05/03/2013 16:13

I don't really believe the op believes that though. hence the thread. her bull shit alarm has gone off and she wants to talk it through. takes off amateur psychiatrists hat why would he have to wake them by coming home? he's never got up for the loo at night? I'm not trying to stir, Im actually really not the jealous type at all but then dh has never put me in this kind of situation where I would need to feel insecure like this. he is being very manipulative and typical of a cheater in pretending he can't see why op would feel uncomfortable with situation too

LaQueen · 05/03/2013 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyHandedTrucker · 05/03/2013 16:15

he's been very conscious if crazed drunk woman's feelings but has no empathy for his wife's. he us being an arse at the very least

HairyHandedTrucker · 05/03/2013 16:17

my phone just chooses if of or us at random

Mumsyblouse · 05/03/2013 16:18

This is the most unlikely scenario ever, I have never found myself alone in a hotel room with a male colleague for the very good reason that most people don't go to hotel rooms late at night, drunk, with their male colleagues.

It's just not plausible, I can't think of any similar situation in my own life or anyone I know, and whilst I am not the jealous type, I probably would start to be if my husband started coming home with -made-up-- stories of distressed women who just had to share his hotel room.

LaQueen · 05/03/2013 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherylTrole · 05/03/2013 16:22

When the OP said about everyone disappearing I thought that it didnt sound right. I would say it was more likely the OPs husband and OW waited till everyone had cleared off and then disappeared off to their love nest. How disrespectful of him to think the OP would believe his story Hmm

HairyHandedTrucker · 05/03/2013 16:24

like lequeens dh the last place in the world I'd want to be is stuck in a hotel room with some drunk hysterical drama queen who stresses so badly when she has an argument with her bffs that she can't even get in a cab

prettywhiteguitar · 05/03/2013 16:38

Yanbu I would be very pissed off, boundaries crossed and him not listening then putting her in a taxi

Imagine how awkward it will have been in the morning, did she cry all night ? What actually happened ?

I have to say I would be suspicious but thats just me, you can see his face and maybe tell if he's lying

prettywhiteguitar · 05/03/2013 16:41

Not just listening then putting her in a taxi

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 05/03/2013 16:44

So he took the quickest, cheapest and most straightforward way to ensure that the colleague was safe and not alone, drunk in the middle of the night. Sounds like she ought to buy the husband a pint and the wife a grip.

Opposing genitals are not like magnets. If you have no reason to think he's cheating, he's probably not cheating. If he was cheating and you were unlikely to find out "everyone else disappeared" he'd probably lie.

He's done something kind. Give the guy a break.

CherylTrole · 05/03/2013 16:49

Yeah hes a proper saint alright Grin

ivykaty44 · 05/03/2013 16:52

This story is justs the sort my dh used to come out with Sad we got divorced and he carried on having affairs with other unsuspecting poor woman

sorry

AThingInYourLife · 05/03/2013 16:55

They are sort of like magnets, in that they tend to attract one another and proximity increases attraction.

Snoopingforsoup · 05/03/2013 17:00

Mrs Koala - some of us have endured cheating men in situations like this. Would you leave yourself drunk, stranded and no way of getting yourself home? Would you, emotionally upset and drunk think the most sensible option would be sleeping in a bedroom with a man you barely know?
You are clearly more open minded and liberal than anyone I know. I salute you!

dreamingbohemian · 05/03/2013 17:04

lol at 'magnets' Grin

I agree with MrsKoala too. If this is the kind of thing that bothers you, that's totally fair and your spouse should respect that. I'm just surprised to see that so many people think it's automatically or inherently a bad thing to have done. I think most people I know would have done the same as the DH -- someone else earlier referred to it as 'no one gets left behind' and that's exactly it.

I worked in bars for many years and we were very good about taking care of very drunk women because it is insane how many people get attacked/robbed/raped on the way home, including by taxi drivers. Nothing like having a policeman come into your bar and tell you a woman left last night so drunk that she couldn't fight off her rapist.

The OP is best placed to know whether her DH is the type who would feel protective over someone that drunk, or whether he's more the type who would run a mile from a drunk crying woman. If he's the latter, then the story doesn't make sense obviously.

GirlOutNumbered · 05/03/2013 17:06

A lot of this depends where you live as well. It wouldn't be unusual for my husband to stay overnight if he goes into town as we live in a village and the last bus is 12 and taxis are expensive and hard to find, due to the size of town. Quite often you would have to book in advance.

It also depends on what type of colleagues they are. If they are mates at wrk, no problem. If he is the boss and she a worker, maybe more of a chance of office gossip.

As a teacher, no one would bat an eyelid at work if I shared a room with a colleague... Unless it was the head, I guess!

AThingInYourLife · 05/03/2013 17:11

Agreeing to share a bedroom with a drunk male colleague when you are plastered and apparently vulnerable would strike me as far more risky in terms of sexual assault or rape than getting a taxi.

If she was so in need of help that she couldn't cab it alone, why on earth was she left alone with him?

Yellowtip · 05/03/2013 17:15

Haven't read all the posts but the girl sounds an absolute wet. So upset by a row with colleagues that she can't get home in a cab?

And was the DH the only one to book a room? What about the rest of the men?

I would be massively suspicious about the whole thing, no question.