To expect dh to show some remorse or some understanding?

[Confusedmummy2]

(I have named changed as I have to friends on here - sorry).
I am really annoyed and upset with dh and he doesn't appear to have a care in the world!

Last weekend was dh's work night out, so dh had booked a hotel to avoid coming home worse for wear and waking me and dd. This is his story . . .

Had a good night drank a bit much. Some of the ladies at work had a falling out, leading to one of them not getting her lift / shared taxi home. She is crying. All the other men from work suddenly disappear, have to get home, have important phonecalls to make! Dh is left with crying colleague. He comforts her and tells her his room has a spare bed, so she can stay there! This offer is accepted. Nothing happens. He takes her home the following day.

Right so he comes home and tells me this the next day. I trust him, so if he says nothing happened, Then nothing happened. But I am still within my right to be angry and upset by this right? I am not being unreasonable am I? I would never do this to him or put someone else's. wife in this position!

Imagine the situation reversed. "So there was this guy who was really upset so I said he could stay in my room". Just imagning DH's face now reacting to that...

Or if you were the woman concerned, would you accept an offer to stay in a male colleague's room, unless you fancied them and wanted something to happen? Eh, no.

No one's having cheap fun. The OP is upset because she knows it's inappropriate, she knows he knowingly violated her boundaries, and yet he's trying to minimise the OP's feelings.

The fact is there was no reasonable excuse for why that woman had to share the DH's bedroom under those circumstances so the DH is trying to manufacture one. That in itself is disingenuous.

OP's allowed to feel how she feels. And she's right that she's owed an apology.

BB, if a friend in RL came to me with this scenario and asked my advice, I would give what the majority of women on this thread have given

I certainly wouldn't pat her on the head and say "you know your hubs, hun" (or words to that effect)

It would be a shit friend that did that

If it was the other way round i wonder how blase he'd be about it all OP?

All he had to do was put her in a Taxi. Very odd to offer her a bed for the night in his situation. And i'm pretty laid back but...alarm bells.
So in answer no, yanbu to be a trifle miffed, no.

It depends on the friend anyfucker
If a couple of my friends said this in real life, I would be worried, but I can also think of a couple of friends where I know the husband wouldn't have cheated, it would have just been a stupid thing to do.

what ever the dh did or did not do... I think people should stop speculating that by staying in the room with her he left himself own to false accusations by the woman. why the assumption that women are always out to falsely accuse men? women rarely make up sexual harassment claims against work colleagues or "cry rape"

GON, how can you possibly know that some bloke who is married to a friend of yours definitely wouldn't have cheated in this scenario ?

And some people on this thread are reinforcing the flannel OP has been fed by her husband about what a knight in shining armour he is

None of us know anythijg about what goes on in other people's relationships

But I would give an honest opinion if asked directly if I thought someone was being naive and too trusting about a fairy story that is clearly bollocks

Begonia - the op hasn't been on the thread since yesterday so presumably is dealing with it her own way. I haven't seen anyone trying to have fun at her expense so there's no need to be so sanctimonious.

I think it's a discussion worth having: if you trust your partner how far are you prepared to extend that trust and when does it tip over into willful ignorance.

The couples I know were my male friends first and I know they would never cheat on a partner, just like I know which of my female friends are capable of 'cheating'.
These ar friends that I have been to uni with, I have lived with and I know them incredibly well.
I really hope that my friends in life would know that I could sleep in a room full of naked beautiful men, but I wouldn't cheat on my husband.

what ever the dh did or did not do... I think people should stop speculating that by staying in the room with her he left himself own to false accusations by the woman. why the assumption that women are always out to falsely accuse men? women rarely make up sexual harassment claims against work colleagues or "cry rape"

He did leave himself wide open to false accusations though and that's a fact.

No-one here is 'assuming that women are always out to falsely accuse men' though...so I dont' know how you got that from the replies here.

The thing about these sorts of situations is this, you can't ever prove something didn't happen. I am not suggesting for one second that something did. I am really not.

What I am saying is your Dh put himself in a position which is open to speculation however wrong it is.

I have a mate who is male and a secondary school teacher, he would NEVER put himself in a position where a female pupil could make an allegation against him.

Your husband has possibly been seen going with this woman to his hotel room. There is no way to prove nothing happened, the facts are, he was in the room all night with another woman.

Give over, GON, no one can know another person to that extent

I don't even trust myself not to cheat 100%

The world is full of people who said "I would never do x, y and z"

And then they did

I wouldn't believe the story either.

Everyone I have ever known who has been cheated on trusted their husband/wife. That is the problem. Not many people see it coming or believe their partner would do that to them. How many times do you hear people who have been cheated on saying they trusted their partner 100% before they found out? pretty much 99.9% of them.

I trust my husband as he hasn't done anything to make me suspicious but if anything like this happened I would question it. I trust him until he gives me a reason to be suspicious and this would give me a reason to set off alarm bells and question it further.

OP you do not have anything approaching the full story here.

But LOL at the thought of the room full of naked beautiful men. The word 'pulsating' would probably crop up in a more detailed description of such a room

Are you going to be there holding her hand or just have some fun and a bit of gossip and whiling away an hour on the internet at her expense

I don't think anyone is having fun at the OPs expense.

I know that if she were to find out he had cheated, there would be lots of advice and handholding from MNers.

Why do so many need to convince her she is a fool and is being cheated on?

I think the general consensus is that the OPs DH is taking her for a fool, not that she is a fool.

I think people are trying to convince her she has been cheated on, because that is what it looks like.

If her husband has he wouldn't be the first and definitely won't be the last.

GON - I suggest you read some of the threads on relationships, and wise up. anyone who has a libido can cheat. Some individuals are very honourable and would do anything not to let themselves get into a situation where it was going to happen.

In my opinion sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex, could be innocent but could also be playing with fire. Especially if either party has even the slightest attraction to the other.

You are all speculating and embelishing. Yes, it cannot be proved that he did not cheat, but also it cannot be proved that he did.

Having thought about it some more, if my DH were to do this, and I have said upthread that he might for a very good female friend who was v drunk, he would have called me that night to explain/ask. And he would understand if I was bothered by it, which if I knew the woman in question, I probably would not be.

It is unfair for posters to be saying he cheated, you don't have the full story, there is more to this than meets the eye. Yes, those things MAY be true, but we don't know. Perhaps just think about how you word things and stop throwing accusations around.

Haven't read any of the comments but taking this at face value, you should be thankful you are married to such a kind, considerate man.

Should be more of them in the world.

OP let us know how you are doing?

"I haven't read the whole thread, sorry if it's already been covered, but how did staying in the hotel with him solve her problem?

She still needed to get home the next morning, using the same cashpoint and taxi's that are as available at 2am as at 9am - if anything it's just more embarrassing at 9am as she'd be wearing the night before's clothes."

It says in the first post that the OP's DH took her home the next day. Presumably in his car when he woke up and was sober enough to drive.

I sincerely doubt that op's dh is trying to cover something up. It was a silly decision, not the end of the world, and I wouldn't lose sleep over it. Not everything is always so sinister. Men can control themselves you know .

I'm not sure why you find me disingenuous. However, I would actually stand by my judgement of my friends.
I am astounded by the fact that you have be propositioned by more than one friends husband! We must hang in very different circles.

You never, ever know what is going on behind the scenes, no matter how well you think you know someone. Family, friends and spouses.