Upset by friends facebook status - I know I probably am but find it genuienely distressing!

[RoseGarden123]

Saw friends facebook status about leaving her 6 week old DS to CIO to get him onto a healthy routine. this baby was born 4 weeks early. I text her to see if everything was ok. When she said she couldn't deal with doing the CIO but thought it was the best thing to establish a routine early ,I sent her a link to some info which I said had found really helpful in the early days. I'll admit the link was to some unconditional/ AP type parenting approach, her response was she didn't go in for the 'hippy' stuff and she wanted to make sure that her DS knew who was boss from day one and wasn't going to 'win' and after 3 hours he had gone to sleep.
I am not upset at all about her rejecting the info link, I sent it very tactfully and everyone chooses their own path in parenting but seriously CIO with a prem 6 week old, am I completely off the mark when I think this is very upsetting and worrying?!

What's CIO?

Yanbu. It is sad. Unfortunately there's not much more you can do and she probably is convinced it's the right thing to do.

I think you are over reacting just a tad. She may try it, she may not do it again. It is her child and the sending over AP/Unconditional parenting thing may make her feel patronised.

CIO i assume, means cry it out - i think it is disgusting :(

Hi Captain - CIO is 'cry it out'

so upsetting, poor poor baby, but no, there is nothing you can do

I am sorry

Well not my choice but also think unconditional parenting theories also a load if old bollocks too.

Suggest you tread very carefully when criticising others parenting.

Everyone parents differently and that's fine.

If your friend is foolish enough to put stuff like that on Facebook...well, I'd just ignore her.

Kyrptonite - I did ask if she wanted the info first before sending it and just said it helped us.

CIO puts small babies under undue stress

Sir Robert Winston said so on his webchat a few weeks ago

but some HVs advocate it

A 10 minute CIO is one thing, but 3 hours? That is just wrong with any child.

Did it not occur to her that in that 3 hours her baby might have been hungry, wet or anything?

Can I just say that calling the baby a premature baby when it was born at 36 weeks is a tad emotive. Also I think sending that link was somewhat insensitive and not terribly helpful.

I don't have any strong feelings about CIO with older children, although wouldn't use it myself but leaving a 6 week old crying for 3 hours I have a 4 week old and can't imagen leaving him to cry like that

Maybe she didn't really wait 3 hours for him to CIO. Maybe it was a case of not wanting to admit she had it wrong. I remember desperately trying not to show people how much I was cracking up with DS and sleep at that age (we didn't CIO but I did do CC from 6 months).

Or maybe she is a complete fool.

No, it's not fine. Leaving a 6 week old (two week old corrected, is that right?) is horrific. I don't blame you for being upset, OP - I'm upset too and I don't know the woman in question!

YoutheCat yes I agree with this which is why I find it worrying on a couple of levels, as esther says the undue stress caused to a very young baby and the potential missing of needs.
thebody it isn't about criticising another parents approach it is having genuine concerns about how she is coping/ adapting.

I cannot imagine leaving any child, of any age, let alone a tiny baby to cry for 3 fucking hours. I'm pretty unshockable, and don't judge other people's parenting, but the thought of that would upset me too.

Jesus. 3 hours!!!!! Oh, I feel sick.

Leaving a 6 week old to cry it out is so sad. They aren't naughty, they cry for a reason. For three hours? That's just awful.

Im presuming CIO means Cry It Out.

There's nothing wrong with what she's doing as long as baby is not unwell. Sounds like she 's determined to get the baby onto an established routine and it will be difficult for them both at first but I'm sure baby will get used to it very quickly and settle down.

In the olden days it was common for babies to have a routine forced upon them from a very early age. Not all parents have the stomach for it though as it can be difficult for them to hear their baby crying without intervening.

You wait though: in a very short space of time your friend will have her baby on a regular schedule that it's perfectly comfortable on.

And I bet you anything your friend will not be one of those mums who seems to be is tired all the time.

YANBU, it would upset me too and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who could do this.

Anyone who talks about showing a six-week-old 'who's boss' and 'not letting them win' is indeed a fool. Yes, I do know the first few weeks are tough, have been there, but still. Sorry.

So sad, I really hate knowing there are people who do this to babies, it is so fucking cruel.

Poor little mite

Saving, even advocates of CIO/CC do not advocate it for babies so young.